New Year

Tonight we say good-bye to 2011. I wish I could say that I'll miss it, but...no. Not this time. It has been a year of struggles. A year of faith. A year of mercy. I can look back and see that we made it. That through the mercy of others, we were able to survive. Through God's grace, we were able to say good-bye to loved ones knowing we'll see them again. The year of 2011, we found strength while on our knees.

But, I am looking forward to the New Year. To the blessings that God has in store for us.

I am looking forward to growing in the Lord.

Blessing others.

Being a friend in time of need, not just the good times.

Being a great Mom that notices those little moments.

To creating a Home ~ where ever we may end up.

Not on my list would be: patience, faith, and weight loss. I know your going to read that again to make sure you got that right! ;o) Yet, when you ask for patience, you get situations...that you have to use patience. To have patience, you have to use it. The same goes with faith. This year, my faith has been tested and grown. To deepen your faith, you must walk through situations where trusting God is you only option. That is when God shines through. We have been there, done that this year. Yes, I know my patience and faith still have room to grow. But, I am taking a break from asking for growth in those areas. And, well, weight loss ~ I am thinking that if I don't actually put it as a goal, it might actually happen! LOL

I pray that your New Year will hold blessings abound.

Spirit of Christmas

"For to us a child is born, to us
a son is given; and the govern-
ment shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty
God, Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

The day that children look forward to has come and gone. The wrapping paper has been cleared up. Christmas music will be coming to an end. Tomorrow everyone will go back to work as if it was just another day. Just another weekend. It's kinda sad.

I know, I know. I think the problem is that I didn't really get into the Christmas spirit until well...a maybe a week ago. Now, it's over and time to put the decorations down. Time to get back to normal. And, I'm not ready.

I don't want it to end. Not because of the presents under a tree. Not even for the wonderful BBQ that we had for lunch with homemade coconut pie for dessert. (although it was great!) I know it is not even the decorations that I'll miss. Those things do not make this season what it is.

It is the reminder that Christ chose to come to Earth. For Us. He became a man that felt pain and heartache. For Us. He came knowing that He was to die. For Us. Amazing! And because of Him, during this time of year, we tend to give a little bit more. We tell others how much they are loved. Family and friends become more dear.

Yes, I know. Those are things that should happen all year long. Maybe that should be my goal for next year. To carry the spirit of Christmas with me 12 months of the year ~ not just one. To make sure family and friends know how much they are loved and appreciated. To give more of myself and any resources that I may have all year long. To remember God everyday...even in my busy mess that I call life.

Love From the Oven

The cookie tray is done! We got busy today and did some baking. Luke made his favorites: coconut macaroons and snickerdoodle. Faith made chocolate & peanut butter chip cookies and a new pinwheel recipe. Joey made banana and sweet potato bread. I finished up with some brownies and fudge. I hope the firemen are hungry because their tray is full!! :) I love getting the kids in the kitchen. I used to be able to get them all in there, but now it's one at a time. In a few years, they will be able to follow the recipes without any help. That's good, right? To make them self-sufficient? Hopefully, they will still want me in there even when they don't need me in there. Hopefully they are learning to reach out to others, even when it is not convenient to do so. To help even when it is not expected.

"Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,
for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Hebrews 13:1-2

A wonderful thought, isn't it? To be in the presence of angels without being aware. Christmas is a time of miracles. So, who knows? Maybe there are some angels walking around here! It is my prayer that you have a Christmas full of miracles, big and small.

The Gifts of Christmas

That sounds easy enough, doesn't it? Keeping Christ in the center. We try to do it the rest of the year, don't we? Why is it that in the mist of the celebration of Christmas ~ Christ gets pushed to the side? Even Charlie Brown was looking for more in 1965. Remember his baby sister, Sally, said that she'd been very good this year. She had a long list of presents but if Santa was too busy, he could just send money. We haven't changed much over the past 46 years, have we?

What are we teaching our children? I didn't grow up in a church. Christmas, to me growing up, was a time for presents. Presents galore! All shapes and sizes! Go to sleep at night with a bare tree to wake up with the jackpot! (It still is my mom's favorite holiday.) But, where is Christ in the ribbon and boxes? Or where is Christ when we hand out cash and gift cards? As you probably remember, the Christmas story in the bible does mention gifts from the wise men.

"And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and
they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they
offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh." Matthew 2:11

A celebration of life to see the Christ child. What an amazing moment that must have been! And, so today, we continue that tradition from the first Christmas. Gifts to celebrate. Now as a mother, Christmas is not about getting everything the kids want from their list. It never has been. (so hard for my mom) As long as they have a few things under the tree that will bring a smile, it's fine. It is about letting others know how much they mean to you. About letting them know that you think of them...pray for them. It is about letting them see a side of you that you might not show the rest of the year. During Christmas, we should let the love of Christ shine even more brightly through us to family, friends, and stangers.

Instead of just signing your name to your Christmas cards ~ just take a moment for each one and write a note for that person. I know, I know...that takes time. Seriously I know. I could only do about 8-10 a night before my hand would start hurting. But, when else are you going to send them a card and let them know how much you appreciate them?? Tomorrow we are going to bake for the fire station. We do that every Christmas since my Dad passed away. We deliver the goodies to the fire station that picked up my Dad and took him to the hospital before he died. What can you do over the next few days to show Christ in you? I am looking for ways to show Him through me. Little things that He places in front of me to do. God is not found in the gift itself but the giver.

Simple Gifts...

They are the reason my heart smiles. My three kids: Joey, Luke, & Faith. My nephew, Phillip. My three nieces: Summer (left), Cara (red sweater behind Faith), Abby (little one in front)

I love all the family pictures on our Christmas tree!

The kids decorate Gingerbread Cookies to share!

Fresh baked banana and pumpkin bread ready for special teachers!

And a few gifts under the tree!

Simple things that we should not take for granted. (pic 1) A family to love and that loves you. (pic 2) Warm memories to look back upon. (pic 3) Making memories and traditions with you children today. (pic 4) The smell and taste of food made from scratch with a touch of love baked in. (pic 5) The gifts that we unwrap each day from God.

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Legacy

This will be my third Christmas without my Dad. He died in November of 1999. Those first holidays are hard after a loved one passes. Things are never the same. Old traditions have to be changed or tweaked a bit. Every year, I have always made Jesus a birthday cake. Each Christmas morning before we open any gifts, we stand together and sing 'Happy Birthday' to Jesus. Every year since my father has passed, I have always made his favorite: Coconut cake. It is a way to remember my Dad as we celebrate Christmas.

Today was another funeral. My husband's uncle passed away after suffering from Parkinson's disease for years. As we gathered remembering the good times of the man he was, it was easy to see how one man... can bring so many people and families together. One person can make a difference. It only takes one man to become a father or grandfather. Only one person to be the friend you need. Only one person to effect so many lives.

What will they say about me once I'm gone? What legacy do I leave behind? Will my kids look back on their childhood and say that it was rich in memories... and moments?? Or was I too busy? Will my nieces and nephew look back and be able to say that they knew they were loved? Will my friends be able to say she would stick beside you through it all? Will everyone know that Christ lives in me?

I begin each day creating my legacy. Each day I have the chance to show my children how to treat others. Each day I can be the friend with encouraging words or the shoulder to cry upon. I can start today being reliable ... kind ... forgiving. I can be the mentor for the kids that need loved on. I can be the teacher for the toddler that wants to express themselves. I can be the kind of mother so that my kids think I'm the best. I can be the wife that tries to understand.

Each of these are a choice. Our legacy is created moment by moment. Our days are numbered. Only God knows when they shall end. We must take today and not just do the best we can do. But, with Christ living in us, we must strive to do the best He can do!

"For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."
2 Corinthians 4:6-7

SomeTHING vs. SomeONE

It's Christmastime once again, just in case you are still in denial. If you are a last minute shopper, then please, continue in denial for another week or so! ;) Me? Usually I am totally done by November except for stocking stuffers. I always love finding things throughout the year for my kids or my nieces and nephew. This year is, not so much. That's okay. As long as there are a few things for the kids to open Christmas morning, that is all that matters.

Christmas, after all, is not about the pretty paper and shiny ribbons. It is the story of love. Love from a Savior to you and me. Love that we should share with one another, not just during Christmas ~ but everyday. I find it amusing that while we are singing about peace on earth and good tidings toward men, people are hateful, pushing, fighting, stealing... all in the name of Christmas. (pepper spray? Really??) All for that next best gift. All for someTHING.

SomeTHING to fill up that void that everyone is searching for. SomeTHING to make us feel happy and content. SomeTHING that is real. When in fact, there is noTHING that can do it. Only someONE can fill that void in our hearts. SomeONE that is real and can make us content. The only someONE that we need is our Savior. He can do it all.

There have been several funerals this holiday season. I have another one of Monday. Funerals have a way of putting things in the right perspective. When it comes to the end of your life, all that stuff that was once under the tree which is now in a closet, doesn't matter. That is just stuff taking up room. The THINGS that matter are not THINGS. They are ONES. The someONES in your life that fill you with joy and make you smile. And, the someONE in Heaven that will give you peace now and always.

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; to the end that my glory may sing praise to thee and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever." Psalms 30:11-12

Our Point of View

So often our lives, our attitudes need some fine tuning. I know that mine has!! We are looking towards something...some one to make us happy. If I only had a different job...If only we lived some where bigger...If only I'd find that special some one...If only... There can be a lot of "if only's" in this life. So often that we are not content with were we are. Where God has placed us right now, at this moment.

"When you pass that test of blooming where you're planted and keep a good attitude even when you don't feel like it, and stay calm when you don't get your way, and honor authority even when you don't agree, you are sowing a seed for God to take you where He wants you to go." Joel Osteen, Every Day A Friday.

I know there have been many moments in my life that I wished I didn't have to go through. I prayed for God to get me out of there. To change others. Or to change my circumstance. All along, God was changing me. I would not take those challenges away from my life. They have made me a better person. Stronger in my Faith.

So, I have learned a few things. One is to NEVER, I repeat, never pray for patience. Why? Because the only way you can learn patience is for God to give you lots and lots to be patient about!! LOL ;~D yeah, seriously, had a child with colic... And, Bloom Where God Puts You. Ask for God's help through your difficult seasons in life, but just skip asking God to change everyone around you. After all, if is YOU that He is trying to change.

Finding JOY ...

"Whatever challenges you may face, whatever circumstances are weighing you down, you can choose your response. How you life your life is totally up to you. It's not dependent on your circumstances. It's dependent on your choices. Abraham Lincoln said, 'Most people are as happy as they've decided to be.'" Joel Osteen, Every Day A Friday.

I have just begun this book and this is one of the paragraph's in the first chapter. It is true though. Our praise should not depend on our circumstances. Circumstances change for better or worse. It takes us many times to places we don't understand. So often, the sound of our praise becomes silent when it needs to be the loudest.

"The enemy always fights you the hardest when he knows God has something great in store for you. You are closest to your victory when it is the darkest. That is the enemy's final stand. Don't be discouraged. Don't start complaining. Just keep offering up that sacrifice of praise." Joel Osteen, Every Day A Friday

I know that I feel convicted about this. My praises have still been there these past months. But ~ not always loud...not always felt deep in my soul...sometimes just going through the motions. That is not what JOY and PRAISE are supposed to be. In those moments, that is when the enemy is winning. In those moments of defeat and pity, the enemy has me right where he wants me.

That is when I should be praising the loudest. The joy will fill our soul as you are thanking God for what He has done in your life... The doors He is preparing to open... And the blessings He has planned for YOU. It is hard to stay in the pit of darkness and dispair when you are looking at all God has done and will do. Joy is a choice. Faith becomes stronger and the enemy cannot win.

"...he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of dispair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

But in the King James version, it reads, "the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;"

Praise is the answer for our darkest moments. With praise, joy will come into our hearts and lift our heads toward God again. To set our eyes on the things, not on this world with it's problems, but of the promise of God.

My Refuge

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah." Psalm 46:1-3

It is amazing how God can give you the words that you need when you need them most. I love Psalm's. I am here once again looking through the Bible and this verse is there. One that I have read many times but one that speaks to me tonight.

Don't fear...don't worry...God has it under control. It doesn't matter what is going on in your life, God knows. It could be the kids are driving you nuts. Or maybe you are trying to say good-bye to loved one that is about to be with Jesus. Or stress from the holidays. Or too many things on your to-do list and not enough of you to go around. We all have been there. I have been there. You are not alone.

God is our Father that no human could ever be. He will be there when you cry out, day or night. He will never lose His patience. His arms will always be open. The love of our Father is eternal and over-flowing.

"For how great is His goodness, and how great is His beauty!" Zechariah 10:17

Mercy

Every morning when the alarm goes off. I reach over and turn it off and lay there in the quietness. Each day I awaken with a short, heartfelt prayer in my heart and on my lips.

Just be with me today, Lord. Protect my family. Help me to do Your will.

And lately, I've asked for His mercy. It really is a hard thing to ask for. It's like one of those things you only pull out in extreme emergencies. The last time I asked for mercy was when Kent had heart surgery this year. Before that, it was watching my Dad suffer from cancer the year before. Maybe it's only me, but I don't think so. I like to think that I can handle what ever happens in life. Does that sound familiar? That God can give it to me and I can make it. I'll some how be able to turn the lemons into lemonade. Maybe that attitude is what has gotten me into trouble. Maybe that is why my life has had so much stuff to handle...and forgive...and to heal...and to let go...

God uses us, you and me, to give His mercy to others. Just as God has used others to help us right now. That is why there are groceries in the fridge. Mercy. It is so hard to accept but needed so much. I have three kids looking up to me to have the answers. Kids are smarter than you like to think. They know if the fridge is empty and Mom's not going to the store ~ it is because we can't. They know we don't have cable or Internet yet because we have to get caught up on somethings. They know they are sharing a room because it's necessary right now. I know in my heart they are the only reason I've removed the mask... allowing others to know what is going on. If it was just Kent and I, we'd walk if we had to and eat roman noodles everyday.

God is changing all of us. Asking for help ~ I'm still not very good at. Accepting help when it's offered ~ getting better at. Yes, I like being on the other side of mercy. I like to be the person extending help. Doesn't everyone? I get that joy in my heart knowing I was there when it mattered or I helped in someway. But, to be the person needing help is hard. I feel like a charity case and I don't like it at all. So, yes, I know...still work to do in this heart. Maybe I need to work on grace? :)

We did get some good news! :) We applied for the Smile of a Lifetime Scholarship for Joey to get braces several months ago. And ~ yes, you guessed it ~ Joey got accepted! He will be starting his braces at the end of the month. Plus, the first of December, Joey will be going to Washington, D.C. with the Colonial Williamsburg Trip. He will be gone for 9 days with kids from Arkansas, Kansas, and Missouri. He is SO excited about both!!

"For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him."
Psalm 103:11

Life Unmasked: Pride

Pride is constant part of humanity, from Adam and Eve to today. Human culture is full of pride. In our family. In our home. In our jobs. In our clothes. In the car we drive. Pride is always there sitting in the back of everyday life affecting out decisions daily.

What happens when it is stripped away? What happens when our pride is put aside? I am getting there. Peeling pride away layer by layer. Pride has no place right now in our lives. Pride disappears when your car is towed away because your husband's hours were cut down to 32 for 2 months and health insurance is $800 month. Pride cannot be there when you look in the refrigerator and there's a half a carton of eggs and a couple cups of milk left. And no payday for another week. Pride disappears when the only car you are left with has front bearing and transmission problems. (Friday's news - it gets worse before it gets better, right??) Pride disappears when your son is doing breathing treatments nightly because his asthma is acting up since we moved. (to a place built in 1970's) Pride disappears when there is 6 weeks until Christmas and only a couple paychecks. Pride disappears when you get on your knees asking for God's mercy.

That's where we are at right now. Sometimes it is not only day by day but moment by moment. We are living on grace. We are leaning on God. We are praying for more, but trying to accept where we are at. Our pride is gone. And, for once, I am being honest when people ask. Those simple, 'how are you doing?' questions ~ I tell them that we could use their prayers. And you know what is sad? The response I get is usually something about them having to cut back a little. They don't go out to eat as much. Or their vacation will be closer to home. I want to cry, 'I just want to buy groceries for my family!!' But, I just nod and try to look sympathetic. At one time, I didn't get it either. I thought I did. I thought I understood what it was like to need help. It was cutting back a little here or there. But, I was just kidding myself. I know what it's like now. I know what it's like to go back to the basics of flour and a couple eggs to figure out supper because that is what is in the house. And, I am thankful that I have learned to cook and to pray!

I know that God is working. I know that He is here in the mist of my mess not looking down at me. God is here as the tears roll down my cheeks wiping them away. God hears my prayers when they are not words but sounds. God is here as my children watch my faith never waiver even through the trials. God is there with each beautiful sunset that gives me peace because we made it through another day. God is there as I hug my kids because they give me strength when I need it most. God is there when a sweet toddler runs to me and yells my name at church. Yes, as I look around the paneling on my walls, I realize that God is right here with me. And ~ we'll make it, with God's grace. We will come out on the other side better people for going through this. My human side just wishes the other side would come tommorrow.

"Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust." Psalm 16:1

Wishing . . .

I've learned that wishing doesn't change things. Wishing does not cure cancer. Wishing does not fix heart problems. Nor does it cure Autism. Wishing doesn't make your problems go away. But, I believe that wishing is still good for you. It is still needed. Wishing and dreaming are both products of HOPE.

Hope is what we need to make it through the difficulties. Hope is what keeps us going step by step through it. Hope is why we keep looking up ~ looking for the horizon. Believing that God will pull us through... maybe not today or tomorrow.. but God will provide our needs.

So, today, I am wishing...and dreaming...and hoping. Today my faith will carry me through another day.

Day By Day

Right now, I am learning to accept God's plan. Although right now, His plan isn't looking all that great. I know His plans are for the long term. Mine are for the right now. God did give us a place to live. We went to look at a duplex Saturday morning. And as God would do it, Kent grew up with his kids and has know this person his whole life basically. So, we even got the key so we could move this weekend. I am SO exhausted physically and mentally. The idea of having no place for my kids to come home to is scary. Then, learning to accept what your given is difficult sometimes.

So, now we are mostly moved in. We have a few things to finish up. It is smaller than the nicer place we found and almost moved in to. It also has paneling in the living room. And, it has a tiny ~ almost no existent ~ kitchen. But, I believe this is where God wants us right now... for some reason. (what's the chance of knowing some one and getting the key the same day?? that's a God thing!) Yes, acceptance is coming in small phases! LOL :) Someday maybe I'll have a big kitchen that I've always wanted. For now, I'm trying to unpack. Trying to keep my chin up.

Kent's job is still around 32 hours. He is still working his part time job as well. Although we don't even know what his payday is! I am still working in the school cafeteria. Once things settle, I'll start job looking again. I'm going to have to find something that actually gives a pay check to help out. Things used to actually stretch and the kids were little. So, it was a great job. Right now, with this economy, the stretching is about done. I need to do my part to help my family. Through it all, I know that my heavenly Father has a plan. For that, I am thankful.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Life Un-Masked

I know that God doesn't send troubles or cause the stuff in our lives. But, I do know that everything that happens to us passes over God's desk figuratively. It gets stamped "ok" sorta speaking. I guess that is why it is so hard to accept sometimes. Because as much as I pray for help and want out of the situation ~ I am still here. As much as I try to get out of it, I keep falling down. God helps those that help themselves right? So, I look around trying to figure out what, if anything, am I supposed to learn from this?? I gotta be at this point in my life for some reason.

Maybe it is because I wasn't at rock bottom before. I always saw a glimpse of the light before. I could see the end. Who knew that it wasn't the end that I was seeing because another mountain was ahead! Who knew these struggles would last on and off for years now? Well, God did but I had no clue. While other families are planning vacations and starting to buy for Christmas, we are wondering how to make it to the next week.

I know ~ maybe that's a little too honest. But maybe that is what God wants. To take the mask off and just be real. You see, my husband's job is very insecure and hours are being cut. So, we knew that we were going to have to find something cheaper. Found a nice place, paid deposits, got utilities turned on in our name, started moving in all week, went in to sign the lease today and we got denied. Why? We have one too many kids.

Seriously?? They never mentioned all week when we had the keys and moving in there was a child limit. Plus, around here, there are TONS of multiple families living in one place. (neighbors for example!) What is one family with three kids?? I'm just so confused and scared. I've never been here before. We are not one to go out and put our kids on ArKids and food stamps and all that government help. We just want to be able to provide for our family. Maybe have a little left over to go out to eat once a week. Or go on vacation once a year as a family. Buy my kids clothes as they out grow things. Simple things. Things that many families take for granted and don't even think about.

Right now, I just have to trust God. He closed that door for some reason. My husband did find a part time job this week. That is a blessing. Although one day a week won't be helping much, we are praying that his hours increase. I am job looking. I'd like to find a 5am-2pm shift, so I can still be there for my kids as much as possible. I am ready to get through this hard part. I am ready to see the light once again. With God all things are possible. Even though I don't understand and even through tears may fill my eyes. I will still still believe.

Bigger Than Me

What I am going through today: it's not about just me. It is SO much bigger than me. I am just a small piece in the puzzle of life. I'm not even a corner piece holding things together. Just a little piece off to side. But ~ to God ~ I am important.

To God ~ My JOYS multiply.

To God ~ My TEARS matter.

To God ~ My PURPOSE is known.



You see, my life is bigger than me. Like a child, I look to my Father in Heaven for help and guidance. What I am realizing is, how other's eyes are watching me. My children's eyes watch how I deal with stress, anger, and disappointment. Not only them, but other's as well. Family. Friends. What do they see? Do they see my faith daily in my actions and words? Do they see me praising God through the storms? Or always wishing things were different?

The trials of this life are bigger than you and I. We are just a small piece in God's puzzle of life. God picture would be incomplete without us. He loves us and we are important. But, we are just that: one piece. We are not the picture on the puzzle nor the corners holding it together. God is. For He is bigger than it all. And because of that, my life is bigger than me.

Acceptance in Relationships

We are starting a new series in Sunday School about relationships. Reading through this weeks verses (Ruth) really made me think about what are we looking for in relationships. I believe that it boils down to acceptance and trust.

That is what I am looking for as I am searching. They don't have to love me or even like me really. Just accept me ~ warts and all. I don't pretend to be something that I am not. This is it. And, if we are to move past that stage of our relationship, we must have trust. We must trust one another to truly be there for one another. In those moments, in the middle of the mess of life, to have those you trust around you. Isn't that what we are looking for? And, once there is acceptance and trust ~ love for one another follows.

I was trying to find a different verse that talks about this. Most of the time John 13:34 is mentioned: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Which is a great verse! I just wanted to find more.

Romans 15:7 "Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed
you, for the glory of God."

Wow! If we could do that for others! Think of that for a moment. Think about that moment when we finally make it through and Christ opens His arms for you. That welcoming. There won't be any hesitation or second thoughts. That is how we should welcome others. With love in our hearts. There isn't any hidden agenda. No one is looking down upon others. Just acceptance.

John 6:37 "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever
comes to me I will never cast out."

ALL that I am given ~ I will share. The blessings poured out to me ~ I will share. Isn't that beautiful? What a wonderful way to look at others. No one is cast out. Everyone is accepted. Each person you meet today ~ they are looking for the same things you are. It unites us. And, if Christ lives within me, if my body is the temple for God ~ am I accepting others as He would do??

God Can't Sleep

"Life is a broken road. For some the road becomes too much to
bear. The constant jarring and unexpected turns drain their
souls. They give up somewhere along the way. The give up on
love, they give up on their futures, they give up on God. But
know this: It's God's road for your life. You don't walk alone.
The Christ walks with you." Palmer Chinchen, PhD

That is so true. We have all known people who gave up some where along the way. Even those who you visited with at church on Sunday ~ then, went missing for the next few weeks. Those who come every once in a while as they drift farther and farther away. Until it is easier not to come at all. Maybe their journey got too hard. Maybe they became more like the world...loved more of the world...than those things of God. For everyone has a different story and face a different circumstances. It is not for me to know. Yet, there is one thing that is true.

You don't walk alone. It does not matter where you are right now. You could be floating high or down in the valley. God is there through it all. The one constant that is true. At times, it is hard to feel His presence but it is not because He has moved. He is like the sun in the center of everything. We are the ones in constant movement physically and emotionally. We are the ones that have moved away. Or too clouded by our circumstance to feel His love and strength.

So, even in those moments...don't give up on your faith. Keep going. One prayer at a time. God understands the cries of your heart ~ even when words are cannot be formed. Believe that God has a plan for your life. Through those moments ~ He is molding you into the person your supposed to be. And, His is walking beside you through the difficulties until you reach the other side.

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the
everlasting arms" ~ Deuteronomy 33:27

Life's Bumps

"This world is not my home
I'm just a passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue..."

Do you remember this hymn? I haven't sung it in a long time, but it's been stuck in my head lately. Maybe it is because this world is feeling more and more not home. Of course, you tend to feel more like this as trials hit closer to home. It's easier to just keep going when there isn't any bumps in the road.

Lately, there have been bumps. Major bumps. I just keep thinking this will be the end of it. Surely that light at the end of the tunnel is just ahead. The fog will be melted away by the suns rays. Any of those imagery you want to insert here. :) Then, something else happens.

You see ~ I am one of those boring people by nature. I have always wanted a home to have family and friends come over often. (Not the nowadays often, but the come over and play some domino's or cards on Fridays kinda' often. Were our kids are raised together.) Always have an open door and open arms. The person that has lived in their home, raised their kids there, and spoiling grand kids there as well. (wayy in future!!) A place where my nephew & nieces want to come and stay awhile. The kinda person that has their roots planted deep not in things ~ but the people who matter. The home, well, it is just a vessel for those memories and connections. That is, well, who I am on the inside.

Right now, that has been stripped away. At least that is what is feels like. My husband is down to 32 hours a week. He is the next one to be laid off. I remember the days of overtime and an actual savings account. Now we have to wonder how utilities will be paid. We have to pack up and once again move. I SO hate moving. It is not in my nature. I am thankful that I work for the school system so my kids can keep going to their schools.

I really don't understand why we must go through this. (Do any of us at the time?)That is just me being honest. Don't most people only get a few burdens to bear at a time?? Isn't having to move into an apartment last year bad enough? (SO hard for me) I know, I know ~ I am whining. Yes, throw me a pity party. I know in my head it could be worse. My kids are all here with me. But, my heart, well. . . it aches tonight.

"Trust in the Lord forever,
For the Lord God is an everlasting
rock." Isaiah 26:4

Shadow of Your Wings

"For you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me."
Psalm 63:7-8

Isn't that beautiful? I do love Psalms. In the shadow of His wings. What does that tell you? It tells me that He will protect us. Like a stranger in a strange land, we can curl up in a ball ~ we can hide behind Him. This world is not meant for us. Once you start feeling more and more at home here ~ that is when you are getting farther and farther from God. This world brings does bring joy and friendship. It also brings hardship and sadness. Times when I just don't understand why at all. (I know..I know...I'm not supposed to know why, we already discussed that! LOL) But, the human side of me still asks that question. Why do children have to suffer with disease? Why do wonderful women have trouble conceiving? Or mothers have to go through the pain of a miscarriage? Why does cancer have to effect so many people? Why does my husband's full time job end up a part time job? (soon to be laid off) Those are the struggles on my heart I hide myself behind Christ. When God is my shield.


Through it all, we can sing for joy. Tears may be going down our cheeks. Our words might not be understood by anyone but Christ. But, joy can still be found. Why? Because His right hand will uphold us. Our strength comes not from us, but God! We have some one to lean on. Some one to protect us in ways we cannot understand. Some one who sees the whole picture and knows what we must go through to get where we need to be. We have some one who has our back.

AND ~ our future! That is why I can still have joy!

When Love's Not Returned

Kinda blunt and to the point, huh? Some one posted this on Facebook and I actually kinda like it. Well, maybe "like" is not the right word. I understand it. One of those things where I've been there ~ done that. There are several people through the years that I've cared about. I've given them pieces of me. . . of my heart. And, afterwards, found out that they never really wanted it to begin with. Haven't we all done that?

My brother is a good example. Sad, isn't it? That the first one that pops in my head after reading that, would be a relative. If he wanted to be a part of my life, my children's lives, he has had opportunities. But, I can't give up that hope that something will change his mind and his heart. I still send him invites for the holidays and cook outs. I've baked a basket full of cookies and bread every year for Christmas for several years now. Looking honestly though, it has been two years since I've seen him... and we live in the same town. My husband has told me that I must like rejection to keep doing it year after year. He would have written him off long ago.

In some ways, maybe my husband is right. I want that relationship. I want a brother (or sister) that I can call up. Some one that shares the childhood that we both went through. A family member that will be there when the world is falling apart. When my Dad went to the doctors and had tests run with his cancer, it was just me up there. I wanted my big brother there. He wouldn't even return my phone calls. He wouldn't come. So, in many ways, I feel like an only child who longs for their sibling. I have several friends that were only children and as things happened with their parents and families ~ they did go through it alone. I had a brother, but he chose not to be there.

When you read that sign, do you have some one come to mind? A friend? A family member? There have been friends through the years that I can also relate too. Friends that I was there for who left when I needed them. (just part of growing up I believe) Friends that you find out later ~ were never your friend at all. (also part of growing up) Maybe it's a family member like my brother. Maybe it's your parents with a messy divorce. Maybe it is the in-laws that do not accept you. It is true that if some one wants to be a part of your life ~ my life ~ they will find a way. Through their decisions and actions we will know where we stand with them. Just as they will know by how we treat them. Isn't it true that you make time when it's important? Or at least make plans? The hard part is, we must decide of what to do when we want some one in our lives and they do not want us. Because I have learned through the years that it doesn't matter how much you want a relationship to work ~ it takes two people. So, it is your choice if you love love others even when it's not returned. Or if it is time to love them (and yourself) enough to let them go.

Proverbs 27:6
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of the enemy"

A Look in the Mirror

"In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything
against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who
judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before
the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness
and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive
his commendation from God." 1 Corinthians 4:4-5

Take your time and read that again. Really... I'll wait right here.

It is so easy to look around this world and see so much wrong. Let's bring it closer to us...how about looking at your family, friends, and co-workers. We can see their faults and their sins. (at least the outside ones) However, these verses are not about them. It is about me and you.

It's about looking at that person staring back at you from the mirror. It's easy to look at the person and think, "oh, I'm a nice person" or "I try" or what ever words you might think. Just remember, we cannot judge ourselves. We always want to be...strive to be... something better than we are. It's like you really don't know what you look like until you see yourself in pictures and you think, "that isn't me!" It's easy to glance at our reflection and gloss over everything we've done and believe in our innocence. After all, those thoughts I was thinking didn't hurt anyone. That joke I told didn't hurt anyone either. I can look back at my day and realize that I was kind to others and didn't hurt anyone ~ that means I'm innocent right??

But, God ~ He knows us inside and out. He knows out thoughts and our intentions. God will bring forth all that we keep hidden underneath our plastic smiles. All of those things that we hide will be brought into the light. Not to say that only the bad things will have the spotlight. Our good will be there too. God knows not only what we are doing but why we are doing them. The 'why' is so important. Even the greatest charity, given for the wrong reason, loses value. Since we are humans, we will fall short. We are so selfish by nature. So much of our time is given to what we want and need instead of others. Luckily, we have a Savior that loves us despite our many faults. That is when Jesus steps in and says, "he is mine."

Real Friendship

"A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. "
Proverbs 17:17

Let's face it ~ friendship is hard. Real friendship is hard anyway. We all have "friends" that are there to help make the day a little brighter. Friends that are we can have lunch with or go to a movie with. Conversations filled with small talk about the family or things going on in your life. The little stuff. . .

What about the big stuff? Who can you cry to when feel your world shifting? When marriages fail and you just need a tub of chocolate ice cream and a shoulder to cry? Or when you are up all night with a sick child and your other children need clean clothes? What about when you are watching a parent suffer from cancer? Those big things that are thrown at us in this life. Those moments when we are not our pleasant selves with a smile for everything. Those moment when we are angry and hurt and vulnerable. Those moments we don't want anyone to see. Who do you call? Who do you allow to see you like that? Your real friends. Those are the people that are allowed to see behind your mask.

It is hard. No one said that it would be easy. A friend ~ a real friend ~ loves at all times. Through the good times and the bad. This reminds me of marriage. Making it through the wedding and honeymoon are the easy part! It is all of those moments after that which really matter. Friends love us through those happy moments and the other ones as well. They become our family ~ our brothers or sisters. Sometimes more than our own flesh and blood family. Real friends are there through the adversity. God sends them to us to walk beside us through the flames. To sit on their knees and pray with us. To pray for us when we cannot find the words. True friendship . . . real friendship is so valuable. To have a friend such as that, we first must be a friend like that. We also must open ourselves to others to allow them that chance. Real friendship is a blessing we must never take for granted.

"Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't
learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."
Muhammad Ali

Rejoice in Sufferings

“More than that, we rejoice in
our sufferings, knowing that
suffering produces endurance,
and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope,”
Romans 5:3-4

Everyday I go to BibleGateway.com for the verse of the day. Today, this is the verse. God has a way of getting what you need to you. Today, this is what I needed. You see, my life hasn't been very smooth lately. (if you can't tell from my posts lately..lol) Life has been, well, for lack of a better word . . . hard. My roots, my hope, my faith is knowing that God has a purpose. That He is in control.

God has a way of stripping everything away. And if you have never been there, I am sure one day you will. My husband's job has gone from full time with lots of overtime to full time. Now, it's 4 days a week sometimes. The economy isn't getting any better. A year ago, we moved from our home to a 4 bedroom apartment. Which if you have lived in a house for any amount of time, you know how much stuff you can accumulate?!? Geez! We lived there over 10 years, so it was a lot of stuff. Through it, I felt that God was just trying to get rid of all of the stuff taking up room in our lives. We got rid of stuff and moved. Now, it is looking as if we might need to move again. I want to yell and scream and cry. . . not that this is so wonderful. But, I'm not big on change especially not for moving up.

My husband's job may not even last through Christmas. If it does, it will surprise everyone that is still left. What a thought. Right now, I'm working through the school system. My kids go to the schools that I prefer and I am able to pick up my kids everyday because I get off at 1. Their schools are very important for me. Luke got lost in a school that was majorly ESL. So, I've learned my lesson. My daughter's in gifted and talented and would be bored in some of the schools in the district. My best friend moved to Oklahoma recently. A major reason was because her son was not getting the help that he needed. She was told they passed him because he was white!! Geez!! As much as they might say every school is the same, I know that it is not. Another plus, I am off when they are. I love that part, but the pay stinks because I didn't finish my degree. (only 2 years of college..lesson learned) However, if I go back to work full time somewhere (that's saying I can find a job in this economy), I have to think about who picks up the kids after school. Plus, the two weeks for Christmas, spring break, and couple months during the summer. Most people I know, have grandparents that take the kids. We don't have that help. Both of our parents are older and not able to handle the kids on a daily basis. That means childcare for three kids. One of the three having autism. I just don't see that helping. I worked 8-5 for a year & a half not that long ago, it just left all of us frustrated and exhausted.

Right now, I'm just praying for something to open up for my husband. It is so hard to see some one with a good work ethic and is there everyday, become in this situation. Salaries that are enough for a family are hard to come by right now. Did you know that the cost of living has jumped high but the medium income has stayed the same since the late 80's?? Just sad... For now, our lease is up and we have to start collecting boxes. We cannot sign another lease which will put us even farther behind. I know in my heart, that God has a plan for us. . . again. I just wish I knew what it was. Of course, if I knew what it was ~ it would not be Faith. I always wonder why in life we have to struggle so much with money (the rich and the poor), yet money won't mean anything in Heaven. We won't even need it because God will provide all. Sounds wonderful to me!

Our Metamorphosis

"But now you must also rid yourselves
of all such things as these: anger,
rage, malice, slander, and filthy
language from your lips. Do not lie
to each other, since you have taken
off your old self with its practices
and have put on the new self, which
is being renewed in knowledge in the
image of its Creator." Colossians 8-10

We each are in our own transformation. Our own metamorphosis. Our situations leave us changed. As people come in and out of our lives, we are changed. I am not the same person I was ten years ago. Or even five years ago. Nor am I the same person I was a couple months ago. I have changed, just as you have.

Each day there are opportunities that may never come again. Each day is a new beginning filled with promise. . . and hope. Each day gives us a chance to grow a little more. Strengthen our faith a little more. Show love and kindness to others. Lean on God a little more. To become more like our Creator. That is our journey.

That is a tough act to follow. Sometimes I'm too tired to stand guard and be alert. Sometimes my own selfish wants start to take over. Sometimes...well, I am just not far enough in my walk...not strong enough in my journey...to do what I should. This is where God's grace covers my sins. This is when God's strength helps me push through.

So, please remember those times when I don't make that bar or that standard that you believe I should make ~ I'm not perfect. When words of anger or slander come out of my mouth ~ I'm just a sinner. I'm on a journey, growing and changing everyday. I'm not the same person I was. One day, I will change from a caterpillar crawling on this earth and fly free as a butterfly into heaven.

"Why??"

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your
ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are my ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

I was looking through my online photos and ran across this picture from the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. Each chair represents a person who died there. There were 19 children among the 168 that died that day in 1995. The children's chairs are the smaller ones across the grass. It is a very moving memorial honouring those who perished. When I look at the loss and the pain that is here, right now, in this world ~ it is easy to wonder. . .

W H Y ? ?

As I flip on the news or look in the newspaper, that question pops in my head. Just yesterday, there were 3 people in the obituaries that were in their 40's. Parents still alive. Small children yet to raise. Yet, there earthly lives are no more. I have a friend that has lost two of her children. Cancer is everywhere. Layoffs are still happening. So much pain and suffering. So many hardships. There are times in my own situation where that three letter words pops in my head. My childhood and all that happened to me. A miscarriage at 5 months along. My Dad passed away of cancer. My brother lives right here but I haven't seen him in 2 years. Medical bills that keep coming. My son that has to deal with autism, asthma, food allergies, and now a heart condition. Why? Why? Why??

I have learned (and still learning) that the question "why" usually doesn't get answered by God. It doesn't need to be. God is love. Period. He doesn't allow things to happen because He's asleep and it slipped past Him. He knows exactly what's going on in your life and mine. It doesn't mean that I still don't ask it. (as I am sure that you do!) It doesn't mean that my path is clear, with daisies growing, the sound of a river in the background, and a cloudless sun in the sky. As trials come into my life, that question still pops in my head. But, I know that God sees the big picture. He looks at not just today, but thirty years from now. He looks not only at my life, but the life of my children's children. Through it all, I must remember that God loves us. So, I think that is God's answer. When we come to Him as small children at His feet, look upon the face of Jesus, and ask, "Why?" I imagine His answer is, "because I love you."

Pass the Blessings

God knows when we are tired. He knows when we need a little hope. I've been feeling a bit worn out. . . physically and emotionally... in need of a little hope. God can supply this through others. This Saturday was filled with soccer as usual lately. Afterwards, we went to get some pizza for lunch with my niece and her parents. We ran into some friends my husband and brother-in-law grew up with. They left and the waitress told us that our tab was taken care of. They bought our lunch.

I know they didn't think much about it, but it reminded me of God's love. God's care. Hope, that even in the midst of the anniversary of 9/11, good is still out there. I know, I know ~ it's lunch. But, it wasn't something they had to do. It wasn't something expected of them. It's going a little extra for others. When is the last time that you went out of your way for some one else? Not for their birthday... just for no reason at all.

God might be trying to use you to bless another person. Are you the person getting in the way of God's blessings to some one else?? So, I'm on the lookout... I'm going to be passing the blessing along. No, it probably won't be buying lunch. Maybe I could make dinner for someone that might need it. Maybe I could run some errands for another. I don't know yet. I just know that I'm open. I just know that I here, Lord, for You to use.

"God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love
you have shown him as you have helped his people and
continue to help them." ~ Hebrews 6:10

Just Tired. . .

Today, I find myself . . . tired.
Tired of the job...
Tired of the bills...
Tired of the kids fighting...
Tired of the dealing with the schools...
Tired of walking on glass...
Tired of the hatred and bigotry in this world...
Tired of the death and sickness in this world...
Just exhausted physically and mentally

Where else could I go?

There is but One that knows my heart inside and out. There is only One that knows not only my actions, but my thoughts as well. There is only One that can renew my strength when I am weak.

I find my greatest strength is not in me. There is nothing miraculous that I can do on my own. I am one flawed human! :) My greatest strength is found in who lives in me. God chose to live in the hearts of His believers. Only God can heal my weariness. Only God can renew my strength. Only God . . .

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely
and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and
free me from my anguish." ~ Psalm 25:16-17

Prayer

God answered Solomon, 'Because this was in your heart, and you have not asked possessions, wealth, honor, or the life of those who hate you, and have not even asked long life, but have asked wisdom and knowledge for yourself that you may govern my people over whom I have made you king, wisdom and knowledge are granted to you. I will also give you riches, possessions, and honor, such as none of the kings had who were before you, and none after you shall have the like.' 2 Chronicles 1:10-12

What an awesome example of a heart dedicated to the love of Christ. For Solomon doesn't ask for things of this world: not wealth or fame; nor honor or health. He asked God for wisdom and knowledge. It makes me stop and think about what I'm asking for.

KLRC was talking about prayer one morning on the way to work. (It's Christian radio)Some one even brought up praying for something as small as a good parking spot. The DJ said that it would be hard for her pray about something as trivial as that when there are children in Africa starving. I understand that. Seriously, I could use the walk up to the store!! LOL :) I have never asked God for good parking, but I know there are things of less importance that have been spoken from my lips in prayer.

Yet, God wants to be a part of all that we do! He knows our hearts. Therefore, He knows our needs and wants. There are times in this world when we cannot distinguish between them. Our wants somehow get crossed over to our needs list. It is part of our human nature. It gets harder and harder to keep up with everyone else, you know? So, why try?? Because honestly ~ they are trying just as hard to keep up with you!!

Some days I'm so far from jut keeping up with everyone that I think I'm on the wrong track! "I just wish . . . " Yep, I know. Been there. Done that. If fact, I've probably said those three words today at some point. "I just wish . . ." What? that the car would start? that the bills were paid? that dog didn't just pee all over the floor? We all have days like this.

So, no matter what extreme you find yourself in at this moment: keeping up with the neighbors or wishing things were different, remember this ~ God is there through it all. If your greatest need right now is a decent parking spot because it's pouring down rain and you have a job interview ~ Ask your Father. If your greatest need right now is watching a family member deal with cancer ~ Ask your Father. We do have the greatest Father that is willing to help us. He has patience and grace. He won't even roll His eyes at your silly requests. Just Ask. . .

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:17

September 11

Do you remember what you were doing that Setember 11th day? Do you remember where you were? I was working in a coffee shop in Rogers at that time blissfully unaware of the events. My boss always had the radio on some classical stuff that had no commercials. My husband came in with my two boys in tow and told us. My boss turned the music off and put on a normal radio station. I couldn't believe it.

Then, when I got home, I immediately turned on the television. I just watched the towers fall down over and over again. Should I mention that I was pregnant with Faith? I cried so much. Songs on the radio. Watching the news. Just thinking about it could bring me to my knees. No, I didn't know anyone there. I have no family in New York. But I felt bonded ... connected ... just as so many other people across the country. I wanted to protect my children, born and unborn, from everything. My husband was worried that I was making myself sick and would change the channel and try to watch something funny. Yet, it was always there...

My oldest and I watched the documentaries last year during this time. I was able to say, "yes, I remember that..." It was a time the country became One Nation Under God. When helping another person became important. It was time when Heroes did not wear spandex, but fireproof helmets. It was a time when churches filled with people searching for God and hope... and reasons. I wonder where those people are now.

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalm 9:9-10

Growing Roots

"Can papyrus grow where there
is no marsh? Can reeds flourish
where there is no water? While
yet in flower and not cut down,
they wither before any other plant.
Such are the paths of all who
forget God; the hope of the
godless shall perish." Job 8:11-13

This verse goes on to tell us, "what they trust is in fragile and what they rely on is a spiders web." Think about that for a moment. To rely on a spiders web. Spider webs are strong enough to hold the spider and catch it's prey. It is strong enough for the day to day routine. Yet, when strong wind...or a strong storm comes, it's gone. Nothing is left. The same is true with reeds without water. They cannot grow and flourish. They wither and die without the life support of water.

That is also true about us without Christ. A strong wind in our lives and we are left with nothing. Without Christ we cannot become the person we are supposed to be. Can you imagine waking up everyday thinking that this is it? That this life is all we got? What hopelessness that would be! So many people walk around with this hopelessness sitting on their shoulders everyday. No wonder suicide was the 11th cause of death in the United States in 1999. I am sure that the number has grown in the last 12 years because this world is not getting any better. The unemployment rate is over 9% in the United States. Cancer is running rapid and filling up prayer lists everywhere. I cannot imagine going through this with out the hope of Christ daily.

How do we become stronger? How do we grow roots in Christ that will wither the storms this life will throw at us? One of the most important places a Christian can be is on their knees. Prayers going out to the only one that can help us. Constant communication with our Maker. One of the best times I talk with God is in the car after I drop the kids off at school and I am driving to work. There is no wrong or right time. There is no wrong or right way. Anytime and anyplace you are ~ God is there waiting to hear from you. As we learn to trust Him ~ to believe in Him ~ our faith grows.

We still must make our roots deep, not just plenty. However, that process is not always a pleasant one. Did you know that tree roots grow deeper as the go through drought? The roots dig a little deeper in search of water. If water is plentiful, their roots are shallow and the tree can easily fall over. The same is true for us. When life is a wonderful ride, it is easy to take our blessings for granted. To put God on the back burner. (Even though He deserves SO much better from us!!) As we go through periods of trials, our roots and faith shall become stronger and deeper. We remember God has been there the whole time. Our roots grab onto the rock of Christ. And our faith will hold us, even when the web of this world falls away.

In the Spotlight

Confrontation is really hard for me. I shy away from it as much as possible actually. Yes, I know if you know how my week has gone ~ you wouldn't think so. The fact is most of the time through my younger years and especially my teen years, I let people walk all over me because confrontation scared me. I had several co-dependent relationships because of this. It is SO much easier just to let it go than to put yourself out there. What if it ruins a relationship? What if they think badly of you? What if they talk about you? What if...?

It is easier for me to help behind the scenes. To be that person people say, "thanks" to as they walk into the spotlight themselves. But, I can't always be the person that I want to be. Sometimes, I have to be the person that God wants me to be. It isn't always easy. And sometimes honestly, I wish could hide my head or put cotton in my ears to pretend it isn't my job to do something. That some one else will do the job God wants me to do.

But as I stand up for what I believe is right, I'm setting the example for my kids. That there are somethings we need to do ~ even with we don't want to. We need to speak up for people that have not found their voice. I was talking to Luke today about how he needs to speak up and tell his teachers what he needs. (this was about sitting in front so he could see the board better in science) He told me in a small voice, "that's hard for me." I know ... I understand...that is still hard for me too. Hopefully with practice, it will get easier for both of us.

Moving On Up...

Luke was so proud to be sitting on my hospital bed holding Faith for the first time. Who knew looking at that adorable three year old face what struggles would come? I know that I didn't... but God did. And when in the mists of this mess... God provides a message to keep going ~ keep trying ~ don't give up through our message at church on Sunday.

"Save me, O God! For the waters have
come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire,
where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood
sweeps over me. " Psalm 69:1-3

No, that is not the message of hope that we went over! LOL Yet, I understand this passage. I am sure that each of you have been there as well at some point in your lives. What do you do when the water is about to take you down? You look up! That is where my hope is. Sitting on my knees at the altar asking for God's help and direction through this ~ having two wonderful Christian women praying with me ~ that is God's hand. I know that He will see me through.

Another amazing lady told me recently that all of us are called and a few are chosen. And, you are chosen for this path. So, hand in hand with God, I walk along this path. I did send out those e-mails to the vice-principal and resource teacher. Luke's resource teacher messaged me back and said she didn't know about Friday. I didn't get a response today for the vice-principal, so I took myself up there. Mr.D is a wonderful guy and made the transition so much easier for Luke and I because he genuinely cares for the kids. BUT ~ he left me with the idea that he totally understood my position but there wasn't much he could do. He is going to speak to the teachers on how they speak to the kids. (don't tell them they got a lower score, when they already know the reward is for the kids who did good on the test. Seriously? That's the fix?) So, now to the next rung on the ladder. I have written an e-mail to the principal. I have also written the letter to the superintendent for K-7. I'll re-read them in the morning to double check them. (I catch a lot of errors that way!)

I realize that some might be thinking, "Really? Seriously? It's an ice cream cone!" But, it is more than that. It honestly boils down to discrimination towards the below average kids. It just tells the children that their effort and their hard work doesn't matter. (When I've been telling Luke since kindergarten how much it does matter!!) Luke was only 14 points from being average!! That's amazing accomplishment from the previous year! Yet, he knows that he is still not good enough to even get the reward. When you seperate the kids, the rest of the class/pod knows why they are not there. It's embarassing. Plus, they go into another room to do more work while their peers are outside visiting and eating. It is just plain wrong. There are many children that will never make that mark. They will never be 'average'. We need to celebrate their hard work and effort ... not the grade itself.

Thank you for all of your kind words. I appreciate your prayers. God gave me Luke for many reasons. I wouldn't be half the mom...woman...or Christian I am without him in my life.

Clueless Teacher. . .

There are times when things happen that you can just roll off. No biggy. Plus, it's a lot easier to let things just roll off when they happen to you. But, when people mess with my kids ~ that is a different thing all together.

Friday I was SO mad. If fact, the word 'mad' doesn't describe it. I was so angry that I knew I couldn't rationally call the school. All those words that don't come out of me ~ well, they were going through my head. I just wanted to sit these people down and YELL and SCREAM!! So, I didn't call at all. After several hours of trying to calm down and telling God how mad I was ~ I finally could calm down enough to compose a rational e-mail.

You might be wondering what in the world happened on Friday. (If your not wondering, you might just want to stop reading now!) Friday, we picked Luke up from middle school. I'm asking the usual questions about how his day was and what he had for lunch. The normal stuff. He then tells me that his pod (they separate the kids in middle school by pods) got to go outside and have ice cream. BUT, he didn't get to go. My first thought was it was because they had chocolate ice cream. (he's allergic) Nope that wasn't it. So, I asked if he got in trouble. Nope that wasn't it either.

Luke then proceeded to tell me that the ice cream was a reward for doing well on the Benchmark. And, they (some teacher I guess) told him that he didn't do good enough. So, Luke as well as a few other kids had to go to a language room and do extra work while the other kids went outside to have ice cream. I asked who else the other kids where. You want to know the kicker?? They were the kids in his resource language class last year!! These kids that didn't get to participate were resource kids with IEP's!! And some clueless teacher had the gawl to tell my child that he didn't do well enough on his Benchmark!

Just thinking about it makes my blood pressure go up. How dare she!! She has no idea how hard he tried. She has no idea how much progress he made on his benchmark. She has no idea what she did to my son and the other resource kids! I e-mailed Luke's assistant principal. I like to think that he has no idea about this. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. However, if I don't get a response on Monday that is satisfactory, I'll be up there. I don't make a lot of friends with assistant principals but that's okay. They come and they go in my life. But ~ that is my kid they are messing with.

Others Are Watching

We all have our struggles. Some are daily from our job or our families. Some struggles might happen spiritually or even financially. All of those struggles cause us stress and frustration. Then ~ there are those big struggles. Those moments that happen that leave us changed.

The difficulty could be anything. It might be bankruptcy. It could be a divorce. Or an autism diagnosis. Or a death. Or even cancer. Those are hard pills to swallow. Yet, all of us have been there ourselves or with a loved one. And ~ unless God calls us home ~ we will be going through it again.

And when we get that phone call ~ it is easy to ask the question, "why?" Why today Lord? Why does it happen to me or my family? Why can't everything be back to normal? Why? Why? Why?

"Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? 'Father, save me
from this hour'? But for this purpose I have come to this hour.
Father, glorify your name." Then a voice came from heaven: "I
have glorified it, and I will glorify it again." John 12:27-28

Did you read that? It is for His glory. Sometimes we go through difficulties because we need it. We have something to learn. We need to be sharpened. But, I believe, sometimes we go through things for others benefit. God knows that we can handle it because His plan is better than ours. As we go through ~ our faith and our trust standing firm and rooted ~ others can see God's glory through us. Even through our pain, we are God's light to this dark world. Others may learn to know God just from watching us. Most of the time, we'll never know who we influence. So, we must carry on as if everyone is watching.

Have you ever been inspired by some one else going through difficulties with grace? Recently, a friend's mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was in more than one spot and chemo was to start immediately. She went through six rounds of chemo. Yes, six! And although, I know there were days when she was so sick she didn't want to get out of bed ~ her faith and her humor helped her through. (as well as God's grace!) The beauty of her soul spread to those around her. It also spread several hundred miles away to me. She is cancer free today because the Lord still has plans for her life. (God can still heal!) Her acceptance and grace for God's plan is something that I'll always remember. Her faith was rooted in something deeper than found on this earth. She inspires me to be that light in whatever God puts before me. Through the difficulties, God's light can still shine.