Building Bridges

I can not believe it's been so long since I've posted.  I've been working on my bible study for the pre-teen class so much that after I put that away...I chill for a bit and off to bed.  Yes, I know, it is an exciting life.  :)  But, I love those kids in class so it is totally worth it.  The number of days of school left is in the teens.  I believe each of us are in need of a break.  I have  so many unfinished projects going on at home that I am looking forward to having time to finish them ALL.  That's my goal anyway.  ;)  Who knows how many I will start after I get those done.  Then, I will be in the same predicament I am now!  And, I will continue to drive my husband crazy!! haha!!

Speaking of driving my hubby crazy...  My husband growled at me yesterday.  "Growled" is the best way to describe it.  Why you may ask?  Is it because all of my projects waiting to be finished?  Or the laundry or dishes?  Nope, none of those.  It is because I am such a people pleaser and let others walk on me.  He told me that I go out of my way just to let them kick me.  My husband knows that I've always done this.  It's really one of those things he loves about me. I do this with family all of the time.  (my brother being a prime example!)   I tell him time and time again that I cannot control other people.  I can only control myself.  It is not going to be my fault and no one (including my self-conscience) can say I didn't try.  He doesn't understand how or why I set myself up just to get hurt over and over again.

I can keep trying even when they walk away or blame me because I am secure in who I am.  Yes, there are things I'd like to change.  But, the person I am inside, is a woman secure in a God that loves her.  I have survived things that most people cannot imagine, nor would want to.  Only He could change my heart from the angry, confused thing it was when I was 20 into a heart full of love and peace knowing He is in control.  Am I perfect?  No, way!  But, I am strong enough to keep trying to build bridges, even before others are ready.

I believe that is what Christ would want us to do.  Continue to reach out even when your not wanted.  I was talking with my class last week.  I told them that it usually isn't an overnight  turn over when people turn their life over to God.  God works on their hearts and He puts people in there life to help nudge them in that direction.  You, putting yourself out there and talking about your faith, may not lead to anything but rejection.  But, that is only what you see.  God sees the big picture.  It might take 10 people talking with them to turn them towards God and you might only be number two.   But, to God, you listened and you were a step leading them in the right direction.  God knows the big picture!  Your words do matter.  Stepping out of your comfortable zone does matter.  Building bridges are important.

Then, when I look at Biblegateway today, this is the verse of the day:

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.
 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that
 you may know how you ought to answer each person." 
 Colossians 4:5-6 

And remember this one as well:

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother
sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus said
 to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." 
 Matthew 18:21-22

 So, don't be afraid of rejection.  God will be there to mend your heart when it gets bruised and battered.  Be afraid of not trying anymore.  God doesn't need people full of righteous anger.  He needs hearts willing to take that step to build a bridge.

Waiting Once Again...

I'm ready for a stroll in the park.  The breeze cooling me off.  The smell of honeysuckle in the air.  Squirrels chasing each other.  Birds making beautiful music.  Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  Unfortunately, Life doesn't work that way.

Life's road is so uncertain. The paths are unclear. The destination is unknown.  There are steep inclines where we huff-and-puff, putting one step in front of the other. It's hard work, but no one said it would be easy.  I am thankful for God which guides my steps and the prayers of faithful friends.

Kent's heart cath was done last week.  And, there wasn't any new blockages.  Most would read that and be thankful and relieved.  I just couldn't.  I cried.  I just want my husband fixed.  Is that so bad?  He often has pressure on his chest when he lays down and can't get comfortable.  He couldn't even walk down the street with my daughter and I with the dog.  (I'm not a speed racer...I'm the, o' look there's a squirrel and look at that pretty flower)  How can that doctor tell me that there is not a problem??  Of course, now that the doctor has told him this ~ everything is fine.  I'm making too big of deal over it.  I'm being dramatic.  But, I know different.  So hard to convince a man!

I am not sure where the next step is.  I am just waiting right now.  I am waiting to see what God puts in front of us...where He guides our steps. 

God, Our Healer

"And he came down with them
and stood on a level place, with
a great crowd of his disciples
 and a great multitude of people
from all Judea and Jerusalem
and the seacoast of Tyre
 and Sidon, who came to hear
 him and to be healed of their
diseases. And those who were
 troubled with unclean spirits
were cured.  And all the crowd  
sought to touch him, for power
 came out from him and healed
them all." ~ Luke 6:17-19 ESV

God, our great physician.  Our healer in times of trouble.
  I still believe that God heals.

It is hard to watch some one suffer.  I watched my Dad suffer from cancer.  And, go from moments of hope and joy...  To moments of despair.  To the point where the hard reality sets in.  And all those emotions in between.  The pain he had to suffer daily.  There comes a point when we realize that it is not in God's plan to heal his sick body.  But, to take him away from the pain.  God's healing does not always include healing these physical bodies.  We just have to be ready to accept God's plan knowing that it's for the best.

I am there once again.  Asking for God's healing.  For years, I have asked for God to heal Kent's broken body.  Through the years, we have gotten temporary fixes...more medication...more stints.  I've watched his health get worse.  I've seen my husband that was always outside doing something get more and more tired.  It's hard on him... and me...and the kids.  Tomorrow, Kent goes in for another heart cath in the afternoon.  My prayer is for healing.

My prayer to our Great Physician:

Lord, I ask for his healing.  Your will, not my own.  Whether his broken body can be fixed or not ~ I just want him healed.  I want him to feel better.  To feel like himself.  To be able to run again.   Lord, You are my husband's healer.  You are our strength.  With You, anything is possible.  Please be with the doctors tomorrow.  Be with my husband tomorrow.  Lord, fill him with a peace and comfort that only You can provide.  I thank You for all that You will do.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

T H O R N S

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was
given a thorn  in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
 power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the

 more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on
 me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak,
 then I am strong. "   2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Thorns.  Paul didn't understand why.  He cried out to God.  He pleaded to God.  I don't understand. The three-letter word, "WHY?", has come from my lips numerous times.  I'm guessing that you don't either.  What ever thorn that you are bearing....

Thorns of Infertility

Thorns of Miscarriage

Thorns of Divorce

Thorns of Diabetes

Thorns of Autism

Thorns of Cancer

Thorns of Heart Disease

But, God knows each of our thorns.  He knows our pain....and confusion.  He sees the big picture.  The one we are unable to see.  He knows how this thorn we are going through will make HIM shine brighter.  God may choose to take away your thorn.  Although, that is not a guarantee.  I have been through many of thorns listed myself.  Miscarriage.(at 5 months)  Diabetes (mother, husband, numerous others)  Autism (my son) Cancer (my Dad) Heart Disease (my husband)  Not all of the thorns have been healed and removed.  (YET, I still believe MY GOD CAN HEAL)

In fact, my husband is struggling with this right now.  His thorns are too much at times.  He is in his 40's.  He has Asthma, Heart Disease, and Diabetes.  Of course with those things come high blood pressure and cholesterol. (that just on his own!)  We would love to find a wonderful Dr. Oz that wants to help him get off of the medication instead of just giving him another one.  That hasn't happened.  He has 3 or 4 stints in his heart already.  The doctor told him just last year, the next step is bypass surgery.  Now, that is looking like a reality.  A near future kinda reality...not in the distance.  He has been actually using his nitros...not just loosing them.  :(  He has a heart doctor appointment on Friday which I am going.  (by the time he get's home ~ he'll have the doc saying everything is just fine! lol)

The thorns my husband must bear are daily reminders that this world is not our home.  I don't understand why some must bear many thorns.  While others seem to breeze by.  Maybe they are just better at acting like everything is fine?  I am not sure.   I am just thankful that our Savior sees the big picture.  And through this next journey, He will be with us every step of the way.  If you could, please add Kent to your prayer list.  Thank you.

50 Years Together

I love getting all of the "kids" together! :)
L to R: Phillip, Joey, Vernon, Carolyn, Luke, Summer
& Cara. Faith and Abby are in front.

Everyone loved the hair-do's!
Their hair took way too much effort for me!

Lemon Cake with pink frosting
Chocolate Cake with blue frosting

My sister-in-law made these pretty flower
arrangements for the tables. :)

It was a great Sunday! My in-laws were surprised by the anniversary reception. The announcement made it into the newspaper. (that's how they found out!!) My punch turned out really well. No one would guess that it had sugar free 7up and Hawaiian Punch made with Splenda! The only sugar added was with the rasberry & pineapple sherbert. The cake was beautiful. Cupcakes were cute with their gold sugar on top and wrappers of gold. The flowers were a nice touch to the tables. Friends and family came. (I love it when all of the cousins are together.) Moments like this become warm memories to look back on.

I love to glance at the past, so I looked up what some prices were in 1951. In that year, the average income was $3,500. A home cost around $16,000. Gas was 20 cents a gallon. Six bottles of Coke was 37 cents. A postage stamp was three cents! Isn't amazing how much it has gone up in the past fifty years? I wonder what the future will look like when it's our kids or grandkids looking back at our lives?

Through Sickness & Health

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary. It's unreal in someways. I don't really feel old enough to be married that long! LOL I'm thinking that's good...yeah, that's what I'm going with. There's plenty enough days that I feel old! :) And those vows ~ through sickness and in health. I never knew how those words would play a part in our lives.

Kent has had asthma since his childhood. Yet, eight years into our marriage, he had a heart attack. He was only 39. If you ask him, he didn't have a heart attack. If you ask his doctor & me, he did. In fact, when we got to the hospital they gave him some nitros to stop it and they didn't work. Dr. Carver came out of his surgery and told me that his heart attack actually didn't stop until the stints were put in. Kent's now had a total of three stints put in, two different surgeries. Which is scary enough. He's now not only on asthma meds, but blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds. Last year, he was also diagnosed with diabetes. With that comes even more medication... more things to worry about... more things that can go wrong.

Lately, he's had more heart pain. Sometimes it's a fight of stairs. Sometimes just walking around. It's even happened at work. He has an appointment in a few weeks for his 6 month check, but I called and spoke with the nurse. I've explained what's going on and that I want some testing done to find out what's going on. She was supposed to call me back today, but because of the snow storm, they are closed. Hopefully, I will hear something tomorrow. I just don't see waiting for his appointment and then schedule some testing. We need to know now what's going on. We don't know if we have that much time to wait. I ask for your prayers right now. I know that this is very hard for my husband. He doesn't like to talk about it or to worry anyone. He doesn't like the idea of another surgery. More time off of work. However, I know that God is in control of the situation. He won't give us anything we cannot handle.

Luke 12:25-26

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Things Marriage has taught me...

Next month, I'll be married 14 years. Jeez! Let me think about that. Well ~ maybe I shouldn't! LOL There has been a lot that's happened in 14 years. Jobs have changed. Three kids have changed us. I have discovered the world of autism. Friends have come and some have gone. We have lost my father to cancer. I've learned that marriage can be harder than parenthood. Here are a few things that I've learned through the years.

I think about the beginning. I didn't know how to cook. Seriously. I followed the directions on the box of mac & cheese because I might mess it up!! My mom didn't really cook when I was growing up. (there's 6 years between my brother & I) I guess by the time I came along, she made hamburger helper, mac & cheese, fish sticks, you know ~ all that healthy stuff! :) I was determined to learn how to cook. Some of it was really bad, but I tried new recipes all the time to find some keepers. Luckily, my family actually considers me a pretty good cook now & the kids are too young to remember those bad dinners!! LOL But, I think that's what marriage is about. Just try. . .somethings work and some don't, but you have to keep trying.

When I grew up, I only had my father's family. I didn't have anyone from my mom's side of the family. My mom loved her in-laws and even took care of my Grandpa when he got bad. But, I never actually saw that balance between two families coming together like most marriages. (Even now, so many include three families with ex's and kids.) So, I checked out books. I got books on marriage, newlyweds, making marriage work. That kinda thing. Do you want to know the one that that has stuck with me 14 years later?

There is Her family and there is His family. Once you get married, they combine

to form Our family. They are no longer separated, they are together.

Honestly, that's it. Several books by doctors and psychologists broken down to one simple philosophy. That odd cousin that you really don't want to be around? Yeah ~ they are your family too. That was difficult at first because my family was small and marrying into a large family. That was a lot of people for me to just accept as family. Then, to top it off, I had a newborn the first year of marriage that I had to share with everyone. It took a little time. The first time I left Joey was with my father-in-law at 9 months old while I went to the grocery store. It has been learning a balance between both families to make sure the kids know their family. After all, their family is both sides of the family. It's my job as the parent to make sure they see both sides of our family equally. And what a blessing it has been to open my heart and truly have Our Family. Not mine. Not Kent's. But, Our's. It has expanded my family to more than just the five of us. I have gained relationships that have enriched my life. Not to say that it's always perfect, but what on this side is?

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they

remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindness, because of

luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

~ Ellen Goodman

"The family you come from, isn't as important as the

family your going to have." ~ Ring Lardner