Next month, I'll be married 14 years. Jeez! Let me think about that. Well ~ maybe I shouldn't! LOL There has been a lot that's happened in 14 years. Jobs have changed. Three kids have changed us. I have discovered the world of autism. Friends have come and some have gone. We have lost my father to cancer. I've learned that marriage can be harder than parenthood. Here are a few things that I've learned through the years.
I think about the beginning. I didn't know how to cook. Seriously. I followed the directions on the box of mac & cheese because I might mess it up!! My mom didn't really cook when I was growing up. (there's 6 years between my brother & I) I guess by the time I came along, she made hamburger helper, mac & cheese, fish sticks, you know ~ all that healthy stuff! :) I was determined to learn how to cook. Some of it was really bad, but I tried new recipes all the time to find some keepers. Luckily, my family actually considers me a pretty good cook now & the kids are too young to remember those bad dinners!! LOL But, I think that's what marriage is about. Just try. . .somethings work and some don't, but you have to keep trying.
When I grew up, I only had my father's family. I didn't have anyone from my mom's side of the family. My mom loved her in-laws and even took care of my Grandpa when he got bad. But, I never actually saw that balance between two families coming together like most marriages. (Even now, so many include three families with ex's and kids.) So, I checked out books. I got books on marriage, newlyweds, making marriage work. That kinda thing. Do you want to know the one that that has stuck with me 14 years later?
There is Her family and there is His family. Once you get married, they combine
to form Our family. They are no longer separated, they are together.
Honestly, that's it. Several books by doctors and psychologists broken down to one simple philosophy. That odd cousin that you really don't want to be around? Yeah ~ they are your family too. That was difficult at first because my family was small and marrying into a large family. That was a lot of people for me to just accept as family. Then, to top it off, I had a newborn the first year of marriage that I had to share with everyone. It took a little time. The first time I left Joey was with my father-in-law at 9 months old while I went to the grocery store. It has been learning a balance between both families to make sure the kids know their family. After all, their family is both sides of the family. It's my job as the parent to make sure they see both sides of our family equally. And what a blessing it has been to open my heart and truly have Our Family. Not mine. Not Kent's. But, Our's. It has expanded my family to more than just the five of us. I have gained relationships that have enriched my life. Not to say that it's always perfect, but what on this side is?
"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they
remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindness, because of
luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."
~ Ellen Goodman
"The family you come from, isn't as important as the
family your going to have." ~ Ring Lardner
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