This morning, my husband tried to give me a wake up call after glancing at my phone & seeing that I text an offer to help again. It went it a little like this:
"Why can't you see it? I just don't understand why you get kicked in the face time and time again yet you keep going back for more! She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to be a part of our family. She doesn't like you and wants to be left alone. How many times do you get kicked before you go the other direction??"
Yeah, that was at 8 o'clock this morning. But, it's now 6 and I'm still thinking about it. I tried to tell him my reasoning. If I can show that I'm nice and thoughtful ~ then, maybe it will change her mind. If I can show in words and actions that I don't judge people ~ then, maybe it will change her mind. If I can show her that I'll always be there no matter what ~ maybe it will change her mind. If I can ~ I don't know ~ do something, maybe, just maybe ~ I will quit being judged and falling short. If I was just given the chance. . .
I'm starting to realize that I guess with some people it doesn't matter how hard you try, you just won't ever measure up or get through. I've known for a while now (when I want to admit it) but now my husband sees it and doesn't know why I try. "We'll never be part of her family," he's told me. "Quit trying." It's been several years now and haven't made any progress. Still at square one. Honestly, maybe I'm in the negative numbers because of my attempts to try.
It's just not in me to throw in the towel. Look at the relationship with my own brother. I haven't seen him in two years. Even then, it was at my father's viewing. Before that, it had been years. Yet, I still try. I still want him to be part of my life. He has an open invitation for Thanksgiving & Christmas. That last years of my Dad's life, we would have cook outs or something and I'd try to invite him. If he called and needed me for something even today~ I would be there no matter what. I don't even know him anymore, but I'd still like the chance to. Because maybe, he might open the door a crack and let me in. I have three wonderful kids that he's missing out on and a sister that would be there for him if given the chance.
So, I don't know. Keep going when I am not wanted? Yeah, sometimes it hurts. Rejection is never fun. But, friends are the family you choose. Hopefully, you choose wisely. Family you don't get to choose. God chose them for me, even the difficult ones. What if I'm supposed to be the one that makes a difference? Or maybe my husband is right, maybe I should just wake up?? It would be so hard for me to walk away and wish them well and not...try. Wait for them. That little voice inside me asks, "what if they never see the relationship we could have had?" I guess it's not different than what it is now. Right now, it's kinda a one-way relationship if you could call it that. What am I getting out of it? I just want to be able to look back and say that I tried. My hand was open. But as I would tell my daughter when her friends are mean, "If they can't see how wonderful you are, then they don't deserve you." Maybe I should listen to my own advice. I don't know yet.
1 comment:
Well, I DO think you should listen to your own advice!
Here's my (unneeded) advice! Quit trying for a while. Why would they take a step if you are always doing all the seeking? Give them a chance (even a year) to come and find you. Sometimes they just need time to decide they miss hearing from you. Maybe they'll change, maybe they'll grow up. Maybe they'll hit a huge hurdle, or shock in life, and realize what they are missing. You can't tell someone what they are missing, they have to figure it out themselves. It's like telling kids about growing up. We were the same way once.
She is missing out, but she knows how bad you want everyone together, and just maybe THAT's why she resists. She might be jealous, and wants to stump your life in some way. Give her space, and give yourself a vacation from the stress for a while!
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