Building Bridges

I can not believe it's been so long since I've posted.  I've been working on my bible study for the pre-teen class so much that after I put that away...I chill for a bit and off to bed.  Yes, I know, it is an exciting life.  :)  But, I love those kids in class so it is totally worth it.  The number of days of school left is in the teens.  I believe each of us are in need of a break.  I have  so many unfinished projects going on at home that I am looking forward to having time to finish them ALL.  That's my goal anyway.  ;)  Who knows how many I will start after I get those done.  Then, I will be in the same predicament I am now!  And, I will continue to drive my husband crazy!! haha!!

Speaking of driving my hubby crazy...  My husband growled at me yesterday.  "Growled" is the best way to describe it.  Why you may ask?  Is it because all of my projects waiting to be finished?  Or the laundry or dishes?  Nope, none of those.  It is because I am such a people pleaser and let others walk on me.  He told me that I go out of my way just to let them kick me.  My husband knows that I've always done this.  It's really one of those things he loves about me. I do this with family all of the time.  (my brother being a prime example!)   I tell him time and time again that I cannot control other people.  I can only control myself.  It is not going to be my fault and no one (including my self-conscience) can say I didn't try.  He doesn't understand how or why I set myself up just to get hurt over and over again.

I can keep trying even when they walk away or blame me because I am secure in who I am.  Yes, there are things I'd like to change.  But, the person I am inside, is a woman secure in a God that loves her.  I have survived things that most people cannot imagine, nor would want to.  Only He could change my heart from the angry, confused thing it was when I was 20 into a heart full of love and peace knowing He is in control.  Am I perfect?  No, way!  But, I am strong enough to keep trying to build bridges, even before others are ready.

I believe that is what Christ would want us to do.  Continue to reach out even when your not wanted.  I was talking with my class last week.  I told them that it usually isn't an overnight  turn over when people turn their life over to God.  God works on their hearts and He puts people in there life to help nudge them in that direction.  You, putting yourself out there and talking about your faith, may not lead to anything but rejection.  But, that is only what you see.  God sees the big picture.  It might take 10 people talking with them to turn them towards God and you might only be number two.   But, to God, you listened and you were a step leading them in the right direction.  God knows the big picture!  Your words do matter.  Stepping out of your comfortable zone does matter.  Building bridges are important.

Then, when I look at Biblegateway today, this is the verse of the day:

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.
 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that
 you may know how you ought to answer each person." 
 Colossians 4:5-6 

And remember this one as well:

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother
sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus said
 to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." 
 Matthew 18:21-22

 So, don't be afraid of rejection.  God will be there to mend your heart when it gets bruised and battered.  Be afraid of not trying anymore.  God doesn't need people full of righteous anger.  He needs hearts willing to take that step to build a bridge.

Sometimes it is just too much...

There are times when it's hard to write.  Those moments when there is so much inside and there just doesn't seem to be a beginning point.  Those moments when I know that I really should be snuggled up in my covers sleeping but I have too much running through my head.  I look at the time and realize...yep, tomorrow is going to be a long day.

 "For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

*******************
God put those words on my heart one late night last week.  I never could finish it so I saved it as a draft.  It was just too much.  There were a few days week when I was not sure if my Grandmother would make it.  Yes, my head knows she is about 95 and has lived a long life.  But, my heart is not ready to let go.  A friend's mother..her cancer has come back.  A friend's father has terminal cancer.  Also, a precious little baby, Lily, has been on my heart constantly.  Her name has been in my thoughts each and every day from morning until I fall asleep at night.

Tonight I am thankful for the solid rock I stand on tonight.  Tonight, Ms. Lily has been healed.  She is in the arms of our Savior.  Her eyes are wide open and her mind is clear.  Her weak body has been traded for an everlasting one.  In her short life, she brought us all together.  In her short life, she knows what it means to be unconditionally loved both here and on the other side.  Lily has taught us not to take tomorrow for granted.  We must live in the here and the now.  We must support one another through the valleys of this life.

Yet, it is so hard to be here left on this side.  No words can truly comfort the loss of a child.  I feel like I should do something...anything....but there is nothing I can do, except continue to pray.  To fall on my knees, tears and all, and ask God to be in the middle of the situation.  My heart is broken tonight for Lily and her family, as I am sure many others are.  I love her and I want her to stay, but I don't want her to suffer.  And, I can't have it both ways.  I hand my broken pieces to God and let him put it back together again some how.  I know that God will heal my heart in time, but  it will not be the same.

Please pray join me in prayer for Lily's family.  I know that only way to get through this is with God's help and our prayers. 

Meaning of Easter

It is the Easter season once again.  Hard to believe it is only a couple days away.   Usually I am decorating with spring colors by now.  Thinking of Easter clothes or spring pictures.  Filling colorful eggs with chocolate and gummies.  This year my heart is heavy with the burdens of the world.

So many people are struggling with cancer.  Mothers and Fathers will soon be saying their good-byes to their children and grandchildren.  It is so difficult to lose a parent, no matter how old we are.  Kent and I keep thinking about our Grandma as well.  She is in her 90's and fading faster it seems.  Last year, our aunt heard her talking to Jesus in her room.  She told Him that Easter would be a good time because, after all, You died for us.  (gave us the hint who she's talking too!)  Now, with Easter among us, we keep going back to that conversation.  We keep wondering if it will happen soon.  I saw her on my birthday and the thought hit me that this could be the last time I see her alive.  I made sure that I gave her a hug and told her I love her.  There is also a precious baby girl that will soon be back in the hands of Jesus.  A kiss on her small delicate  newborn head just to let her know she is loved by many breaks my heart.   God has a way of talking to you through music and I had my Mark Shultz CD in.  This song came on after I saw her:

 "Then something died inside of me to sit with him and hear
The tests that said our baby may not live to be a year
Then turnin' to my wife and he said "whatcha you wanna do?"
And she said...

I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can
And I wanna live every moment until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved"

What it means to be loved by M. Shultz

My heart just aches.  The ugly tears and stuffy nose has once again hit.  I am so thankful and blessed that we serve a risen savior.  It is because Jesus arose on the third day, that I know I'll see these loved ones one again.  It is because He LIVES that I have hope.  This year, the joys of Easter traditions have seemed to escape me.  It has left me with the true meaning of Easter.

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!

Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!"

Because He lives by Bill & Gloria Gaither

Reaching Across the Ocean

It is amazing how God can use you when you let him.  My little blog here isn't anything glamorous.  It's real life.  The good.  The bad.  Even the ugly tears.  I don't pretend here that everything is great when my heart is breaking.  When something is great, I'll share that as well.  It is all here.  It's open for anyone to read.  I don't have anything to hide.

Some one asked me why I write this blog.  My answer?  I just want God to use me.  If through this blog, I can help another person going through a struggle, it means something.   My sin and mistakes are spelled out in black and white.  My worries and struggles are there for all to see.  But through all the mud of this life, my hope is found in God alone.  I want that to be light, even if just a small nightlight, for some one struggling.

And as amazing as it is to me, not only do I have friends that will read a post here and there and let me know it touched them.  But, just this week alone ~ I had around 20 views from each of these countries:  Germany, United Kingdom, Sweden, and Russia!!!  That is incredible to me knowing that my little blog could touch some one in another country.  My posts about autism are visiting frequently, as well as, my posts about abuse and self-esteem.  I pray that these people searching for answers can find the hope and peace that I have found.

So, thank you to those viewers to my humble abode.  My hope is that I've been able to let you know that your not alone.  We all struggle.  We all crumble to our knees at times.  What matters is what you look at while your down on your knees.  Are you looking around for answers that cannot be found?  Or are your eyes pointed up where our hope is found?

Following God's Lead...

So easy to talk about.  Kinda' can become generic almost.  But, there comes a time when talking about it should be moved into doing.  With the doing comes trusting the Lord to guide you.  That's were I am right now.  Trusting the Lord to guide my steps now that I have taken those steps forward.

I have been helping out in a little kids Sunday school class.  But, God has been working on my heart for the older kids since January.  The ones that are currently struggling through middle school and junior high.  There is so much pressure on that age group.  School...Friends...Bullies...even Family.  I just love those kids.  Although, the call to work with that age group has never been there before.  I figured all of those positions were taken so I didn't need to worry.  It's all taken care of, right?

So, I did try to ignore God's nudges a bit.  Really.  Just being honest.  I was looking into other options, maybe even a  women's group.  Yet, God has a way of just dealing with your heart to prepare you for a certain job.  He wasn't preparing me for more busy work. (don't need any of that!)  He was preparing me for these kids.  So, just as God knew, the teachers for that age group stepped down and that position that God has been preparing me for came open.

I am excited about the opportunity that God has prepared me for.  The vision God has given me is to lead discussions on life applications with the Bible.  Not just recite this verse or memorize this because these kids are there for Sunday school, church, and even Sunday night service.  There are a lot of great Biblical books out there for this age group about peer pressure, friends, leading my example, and even beginnings of dating.   I would like to take the Bible and apply it for everyday struggles that this age group faces everyday.  Yes, I know getting  this age group to participate in discussions can be a difficult but I am hoping they will catch on.  :)

I am excited about where God is leading me.   This Wednesday, we will be looking at Malchus.   A small character in the Easter story.   I know, you might be scratching you head on who that is.  :)  It's okay.  His story was mentioned in several gospels but only named in one! 

Where is God leading your footsteps?  Are you listening?  Or resisting?

Hope for the Weary

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my 

righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:20

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them,

for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave

you or forsake you."   Deuteronomy 31:6

"You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that 

have passed away.  And your life will be brighter than the noonday;

its darkness will be like the morning.  And you will feel secure, 

because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in 

security."  Job 11:16-18

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for

welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you 

will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You 

will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will

be found by you..."   Jeremiah 29:11-14

There is a season of trials taking place in lives of several church  families.   A time to lean on God to sustain us day by day.  Cancer will soon be taking a father/grandfather home.  Another woman going through radiation because of something found in her breast.  We have another woman in our church still in the hospital after an accident.  We have some wonderful parents still unsure of the outcome of their baby.  Another couple that would make wonderful parents but having troubles conceiving.  There is also a family that will be leaving us to move for husband's work.  There is so much pain right now as we try to understand God's will for our lives.  And to accept His will as what is best.

I lift these lives and families up to you, Lord.  May you have Your hand in 

each life.  Lord, I know that your are the Great Physician and that only

You can heal our weary bodies.  I just ask that Your will be done and that 

you give us the peace to accept it.  Please, Lord, let these families feel

Your love and comfort as only You can give.  I know that many reading this

 are going  through their own trials.   Many are going through them alone.

 I pray that they will feel Your presence in their life and the hope that only 

You can provide.  Amen.

True Friendships

My oldest, Joey, found a t-shirt at Target last weekend.  He really wanted it.  The shirt said, "may your life be as awesome as you pretend on Facebook."  Why is it that we naturally feel like we have to hide everything?  Or put up another front so no one can see inside.

We all do the clean up before anyone comes over.  Read that again so you don't feel alone.  Do you realize that we ALL do that?  My life is not perfect by any means.  My house seems to always have a room in the demolition phase.  We have been here since August and I still have not even painted my living room so I can put pictures up.  (we did gut and put back together the kitchen, so I have been busy)  So, often, I feel like my life is a mess! 

Yet, I try to hide it.  I sweep and mop, and vacuum the living room hoping you don't notice the stain from when my dog ate a bag of Sweetheart candies and puked.  Clean laundry gets put up just moments before I know your coming over.  Dishes are washed and still drying when you enter the kitchen.

So, please look past my moment of terror when you knock on my door unexpected.  My t-shirt might be one I slept with my rubber ducky pajama bottoms.  Real life is messy.  It's not glamorous by any means.   Please do the same if I stop to knock on your door.  I won't judge your dirty dishes in the sink.  I am just there for you.

Friendship is there through the good stuff and the trials.  God gave us each other so we would not have to do it alone.  What a blessing!  The friendships that only see each other when the hair is done perfectly and make-up looks great are not real.  They won't be there when the ugly tears fall.  Know what I mean?  There's the dainty little cry where a tear or two falls.  Anyone can pat your back or say a nice word.  Then, there are the tears where your heart is breaking and nose is running and eyes are red and puffy.  Real friends will hold you close and not care what is making their shirt wet.  :)