I know that God doesn't send troubles or cause the stuff in our lives. But, I do know that everything that happens to us passes over God's desk figuratively. It gets stamped "ok" sorta speaking. I guess that is why it is so hard to accept sometimes. Because as much as I pray for help and want out of the situation ~ I am still here. As much as I try to get out of it, I keep falling down. God helps those that help themselves right? So, I look around trying to figure out what, if anything, am I supposed to learn from this?? I gotta be at this point in my life for some reason.
Maybe it is because I wasn't at rock bottom before. I always saw a glimpse of the light before. I could see the end. Who knew that it wasn't the end that I was seeing because another mountain was ahead! Who knew these struggles would last on and off for years now? Well, God did but I had no clue. While other families are planning vacations and starting to buy for Christmas, we are wondering how to make it to the next week.
I know ~ maybe that's a little too honest. But maybe that is what God wants. To take the mask off and just be real. You see, my husband's job is very insecure and hours are being cut. So, we knew that we were going to have to find something cheaper. Found a nice place, paid deposits, got utilities turned on in our name, started moving in all week, went in to sign the lease today and we got denied. Why? We have one too many kids.
Seriously?? They never mentioned all week when we had the keys and moving in there was a child limit. Plus, around here, there are TONS of multiple families living in one place. (neighbors for example!) What is one family with three kids?? I'm just so confused and scared. I've never been here before. We are not one to go out and put our kids on ArKids and food stamps and all that government help. We just want to be able to provide for our family. Maybe have a little left over to go out to eat once a week. Or go on vacation once a year as a family. Buy my kids clothes as they out grow things. Simple things. Things that many families take for granted and don't even think about.
Right now, I just have to trust God. He closed that door for some reason. My husband did find a part time job this week. That is a blessing. Although one day a week won't be helping much, we are praying that his hours increase. I am job looking. I'd like to find a 5am-2pm shift, so I can still be there for my kids as much as possible. I am ready to get through this hard part. I am ready to see the light once again. With God all things are possible. Even though I don't understand and even through tears may fill my eyes. I will still still believe.
Maybe it is because I wasn't at rock bottom before. I always saw a glimpse of the light before. I could see the end. Who knew that it wasn't the end that I was seeing because another mountain was ahead! Who knew these struggles would last on and off for years now? Well, God did but I had no clue. While other families are planning vacations and starting to buy for Christmas, we are wondering how to make it to the next week.
I know ~ maybe that's a little too honest. But maybe that is what God wants. To take the mask off and just be real. You see, my husband's job is very insecure and hours are being cut. So, we knew that we were going to have to find something cheaper. Found a nice place, paid deposits, got utilities turned on in our name, started moving in all week, went in to sign the lease today and we got denied. Why? We have one too many kids.
Seriously?? They never mentioned all week when we had the keys and moving in there was a child limit. Plus, around here, there are TONS of multiple families living in one place. (neighbors for example!) What is one family with three kids?? I'm just so confused and scared. I've never been here before. We are not one to go out and put our kids on ArKids and food stamps and all that government help. We just want to be able to provide for our family. Maybe have a little left over to go out to eat once a week. Or go on vacation once a year as a family. Buy my kids clothes as they out grow things. Simple things. Things that many families take for granted and don't even think about.
Right now, I just have to trust God. He closed that door for some reason. My husband did find a part time job this week. That is a blessing. Although one day a week won't be helping much, we are praying that his hours increase. I am job looking. I'd like to find a 5am-2pm shift, so I can still be there for my kids as much as possible. I am ready to get through this hard part. I am ready to see the light once again. With God all things are possible. Even though I don't understand and even through tears may fill my eyes. I will still still believe.
1 comment:
Oh, Jen! Bless your heart. I do know how you feel-sometimes it feels like there is no way out.
Next time, I might not mention my kids? I have never heard of a child limit? I'd hate to say, umm..discrimination?
Don't you already have a job? What can I do to help you? Let me know what you need today. I'm praying for you and your family. hugs to all of you : )
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