The Odd Duckling

"This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through

My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue

The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door

And I can't feel at home in this world anymore"

Remember that old hymn?  That song has been in the back of my mind the past few weeks.  I find it popping in my head at various times on different days. Someday are worse than others....but I just feel so out of place.

Yep, that's me in the middle of all the white swans. Everyone has their own paths with ups and downs.  Each road has its own struggles.  Yet, most of the time, I feel like the odd one out there.  In a world of  bi-weekly pedicures, shopping, and nice dinners out like it's nothing unusual. That is not me.  It's not where I'm at.  My toes get chipped, I think that I really need to paint my toes.  Sometimes it gets done -- but then days become weeks while just doing life and I look down at my toes at night and think....I really need to paint my toes. And the cycle continues until a week or two later, I finally get it done! :) 

Even my daughter is going through this right now.  She is now 12.  Her favorite day of the week is Wednesday because of small groups.  She loves to play soccer.  Her clothes everyday of the school year is either jeans or yoga pants with a t-shirt.  Usually with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.  While I very thankful that she doesn't spend 30 minutes to an hour getting ready every morning, I would like her hair down once in a while.  :/  Anyway, if you remember this age, the boy craziness is starting. Several of her friends are already there. Luckily we have by passed this so far.  I'll take the grace that God has given me!  :)  Having two older brothers that can be nasty and disgusting I'm sure helps by showing boys in a different light. haha!!  getting sidetracked.... But she is the odd one.  There are no boyfriend stories for her.  No trying to look nice to empress a boy.  Just Faith being Faith.  Which is all I could ask for.

The picture I like to take :)  Such a pretty girl

Then there is the true picture :D

But God created us to be different.  We are called to be like Christ. Ephesians 4:24  "and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."   That's a lot to live up to. Christ was not accepted and loved by all.  He did not just go with the crowd.  He was the odd duckling. The were multiple times in the Bible were Jesus talked to some one people thought he shouldn't.  He didn't do what others told Him was right.

It can be hard to be different.  We all are actively seeking acceptance, whether we realize it or not.  Have you ever thought about it like that?  You are seeking acceptance.  I am seeking it.  It just matters where you are looking for acceptance that matters.  Is it God?  Is it the world?  We are all born with a hole in our heart.  We look for things to fill it, when all along, we only needed God.  So being different, it's okay.  The acceptance of Christ is all you will ever need.


"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."  Colossians 4:5-6

Loosing Our Way...

"Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads

to destruction, and those who enter it are many.  For the gate is narrow 

and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." 

 Matthew 7:13-14

As we go on our Christian walk, there are times when we are not as close to God as others.  It's not God fault.  I hear people complain that God just is so distant.  He left me through this situation.  I am going through this alone.  But, God doesn't leave us or forsake us.  The Creator of this universe is waiting patiently for you and me.  We're just human.  Sometimes easy is well... easy.  Too easy to resist.  How many times do we walk away from Him??

God doesn't say the narrow way will be easy.  The Bible says it's the hard way.  It's forgiving others, even when undeserved or unasked.  It is letting go of anger.  It is making time for Him in ways like prayer and church.  It's teaching your kids about God.  It's reaching out to others with the love of God.  It's a relationship with God.  It's putting God in the center of your life...then putting the things you want in.  God first. 

"But FIRST seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness..."   Matthew 6:33

"For those that live according to the flesh set their minds on the things

 of the flesh, but those that live according to the Spirit set their mind 

on things of the Spirit.."   Romans 8:5

If you are reading this and you feel a distance between you and God.  Know deep inside your heart that God loves you.  As messed up as you can get.  He loves you.  He loves the way you look first thing in the morning.  You know why?  Because you are His child.  HIS!  And know something else too.  Just know that we have all been there.  We all go through periods in our Christian walk that we wonder off a bit.

 The main thing is getting back on that narrow path. Nurture your relationship with God.  How? The same way you nurture your relationships here on this earth.  You spend time with Him.  He is waiting with open arms just for you.

Homeschool VS Public

God has put this one my heart for a while, but I've really, well, put off talking about it.  It seems that lot of people recently have switched over to the home-school idea and don't give our schools the praise they deserve.  Public schools get a bad rap.  So, here are my two cents.  Take it what you will but if you have something negative to say, I'll just remind you that we all have a right to our own opinions and this is just my own.  These are just think from my perspective.

When my children were smaller, I was a big reader to them.  As they grew, I taught them A, B,C's and numbers.  I taught them sounds for each letter so we could put together words.  Even beginning addition.  Before kindergarten, Joey knew all of that as well as could write his name and color in the lines beautifully.  Luke did have a few learning issues but I worked even harder with him.  Faith was even reading BEFORE kindergarten.  She was 4 years old and reading books to her babydolls.  Did I think about homeschooling them at this point since they are doing so well thus far?  Maybe for a moment but I looked at the positives and negatives.

Homeschooling...they can learn on their level and at their own pace.  That means I can spend more time helping Luke and I can really push Joey and Faith.  But...I look at what they give up by being at home all of the time.  First thing that comes to my mind now (that they are teenagers) would be the extra stuff.  The stuff that make going to school worth it when you their age.

Joey is loves being a tuba player!  This opens up opportunities for learning things like how much hard practice is worth it.  He is going to New York City and will play patriotic songs in front of the Statue of Liberty.  AWESOME!  He also enjoys yearbook and has always loved history.  He even got selected to go on a history tour in Washington, Jamestown, ect. in junior high.   He is taking a college history class this year and pre-ap english.  Luke is taking a metal (welding) class and a construction class this year.  Each year will build on his skills.  Even looking at Faith.  She has art and music and PE.  Yes, I love arts and crafts but would I have her try to paint a bowl of apples to learn perspective?  Or different art styles?  Nope, it would be more of the pinterest ideas! LOL  Or try different instruments to see what she could be good at?  There are SO many extra things they learn besides math, english, science, and history.  (Even in science, they are getting out the microscope out and working on slides.) This is just the stuff they enjoy.  The things that help them figure out who they are.  The stuff that makes learning real.

Then, there is the social aspect.  My kids would have each other.  They would have other family members.  They would also have the kids from church.  Yes, they could be a part of library groups or such.  There little bubble would be very small and that's why a lot of parents like home schooling.   They want that control over who influences their child.  And honestly, the more I read the Bible.  The more I know that is not what Jesus would want.  (I know everyone is freaking out right now!)   God would want you to let Him have control of that.  Let God and Let God.  Jesus was out there.  He didn't shelter himself from the rest of the world.  He was out there with the disease.  With the dirty.  With the sinners.  He didn't just surround himself with the 12 disciples and say, "okay, guys, you go do this but I'm staying right here."  No, He showed the 12 how to have a servants heart.  How can be be a light in this world when the only thing we are lighting is own little circle?  Yes, there are bullies in this world.  Yes, even my own kids have been picked on.  But, you know what?  They have the opportunity to show God's love to kids that may not have ever seen it... on a daily basis!  That is how I started going to church years ago.  With friends.  What if their parents decided to place them in the safe bubble?

Do I get frustrated with the system?  Of course.  Even the teachers do.  There are some awesome teachers that I know who want to pull their hair out at things as well.  But they go to work each day knowing they are there to make a difference.  I have had to fight for Luke so much that I am naturally defensive at any of his IEP meetings.  I am always ready to stand up for him.  Honestly, now that Faith is bigger, I am even frustrated at the other end.  My daughter is in middle school and not being challenged hardly at all.  Easy straight A's.   But, I don't look at public school as a drop off and it is the teacher's job to do it all.  First and foremost, it is my job.  God has given me these three kids to do the best possible for them.  So, you know what I have always done?  I work with Luke on his reading at home.  Or his vocab.  Or math.  It is my responsibility to help my child.  Faith is bored.  You know what?  We work on algebra at home for "fun".  (yeah she likes it!)  Public school is a partnership with parents.  Not a drop off baby sitter. 

I have always said that if things got too rough for Luke, I would home school him without a second thought.  Joey and Faith would still be in public school even then.  I know there are special circumstances.  I have a friend that home schools her kids because she lives in such a town and she knows from experience that you can skip more days than your in school and still pass just fine. LOL  She wants a better education than what she got and that is great.  But I also know a sweet family that home schools because she doesn't want to be away from her children that much.  She even plans on doing on line college classes so I am not sure when they will actually face the real world.  I know that if they took the same tests as my kids, they wouldn't be passing.  So, it's really a disservice to her kids.  Sad.

My kids are big now.  I can look at what they are learning and it is SO much more than one person could do at home.  They are getting to experience teachers that are good at their subject,  showing my kids how to do it.  I could not show them everything they are learning.  They are becoming well rounded people who live in the real world.  Yes, they know there are bullies in life.  Yes, some of them have even seen teen pregnancy, gays, and drugs.   But, I wouldn't change it.  My kids are able to be light in the middle of sin.  They are able to be in the middle of the mess man has created and learn to not judge.  When my kids step out into the world on their own, not only will they be able to remember what the Bible says because they learned it in Church and at home (where it should be), they will be able to handle the real world as it really is.

Luke 15:1-7 " Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to 

hear him.  And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, “This man 

receives sinners and eats with them.”  So he told them this parable:  “What

 man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not

 leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost,

 until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, 

rejoicing.  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his 

neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that 

was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner

 who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

Building Bridges

I can not believe it's been so long since I've posted.  I've been working on my bible study for the pre-teen class so much that after I put that away...I chill for a bit and off to bed.  Yes, I know, it is an exciting life.  :)  But, I love those kids in class so it is totally worth it.  The number of days of school left is in the teens.  I believe each of us are in need of a break.  I have  so many unfinished projects going on at home that I am looking forward to having time to finish them ALL.  That's my goal anyway.  ;)  Who knows how many I will start after I get those done.  Then, I will be in the same predicament I am now!  And, I will continue to drive my husband crazy!! haha!!

Speaking of driving my hubby crazy...  My husband growled at me yesterday.  "Growled" is the best way to describe it.  Why you may ask?  Is it because all of my projects waiting to be finished?  Or the laundry or dishes?  Nope, none of those.  It is because I am such a people pleaser and let others walk on me.  He told me that I go out of my way just to let them kick me.  My husband knows that I've always done this.  It's really one of those things he loves about me. I do this with family all of the time.  (my brother being a prime example!)   I tell him time and time again that I cannot control other people.  I can only control myself.  It is not going to be my fault and no one (including my self-conscience) can say I didn't try.  He doesn't understand how or why I set myself up just to get hurt over and over again.

I can keep trying even when they walk away or blame me because I am secure in who I am.  Yes, there are things I'd like to change.  But, the person I am inside, is a woman secure in a God that loves her.  I have survived things that most people cannot imagine, nor would want to.  Only He could change my heart from the angry, confused thing it was when I was 20 into a heart full of love and peace knowing He is in control.  Am I perfect?  No, way!  But, I am strong enough to keep trying to build bridges, even before others are ready.

I believe that is what Christ would want us to do.  Continue to reach out even when your not wanted.  I was talking with my class last week.  I told them that it usually isn't an overnight  turn over when people turn their life over to God.  God works on their hearts and He puts people in there life to help nudge them in that direction.  You, putting yourself out there and talking about your faith, may not lead to anything but rejection.  But, that is only what you see.  God sees the big picture.  It might take 10 people talking with them to turn them towards God and you might only be number two.   But, to God, you listened and you were a step leading them in the right direction.  God knows the big picture!  Your words do matter.  Stepping out of your comfortable zone does matter.  Building bridges are important.

Then, when I look at Biblegateway today, this is the verse of the day:

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.
 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that
 you may know how you ought to answer each person." 
 Colossians 4:5-6 

And remember this one as well:

"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother
sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus said
 to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." 
 Matthew 18:21-22

 So, don't be afraid of rejection.  God will be there to mend your heart when it gets bruised and battered.  Be afraid of not trying anymore.  God doesn't need people full of righteous anger.  He needs hearts willing to take that step to build a bridge.

Reaching Across the Ocean

It is amazing how God can use you when you let him.  My little blog here isn't anything glamorous.  It's real life.  The good.  The bad.  Even the ugly tears.  I don't pretend here that everything is great when my heart is breaking.  When something is great, I'll share that as well.  It is all here.  It's open for anyone to read.  I don't have anything to hide.

Some one asked me why I write this blog.  My answer?  I just want God to use me.  If through this blog, I can help another person going through a struggle, it means something.   My sin and mistakes are spelled out in black and white.  My worries and struggles are there for all to see.  But through all the mud of this life, my hope is found in God alone.  I want that to be light, even if just a small nightlight, for some one struggling.

And as amazing as it is to me, not only do I have friends that will read a post here and there and let me know it touched them.  But, just this week alone ~ I had around 20 views from each of these countries:  Germany, United Kingdom, Sweden, and Russia!!!  That is incredible to me knowing that my little blog could touch some one in another country.  My posts about autism are visiting frequently, as well as, my posts about abuse and self-esteem.  I pray that these people searching for answers can find the hope and peace that I have found.

So, thank you to those viewers to my humble abode.  My hope is that I've been able to let you know that your not alone.  We all struggle.  We all crumble to our knees at times.  What matters is what you look at while your down on your knees.  Are you looking around for answers that cannot be found?  Or are your eyes pointed up where our hope is found?

Following God's Lead...

So easy to talk about.  Kinda' can become generic almost.  But, there comes a time when talking about it should be moved into doing.  With the doing comes trusting the Lord to guide you.  That's were I am right now.  Trusting the Lord to guide my steps now that I have taken those steps forward.

I have been helping out in a little kids Sunday school class.  But, God has been working on my heart for the older kids since January.  The ones that are currently struggling through middle school and junior high.  There is so much pressure on that age group.  School...Friends...Bullies...even Family.  I just love those kids.  Although, the call to work with that age group has never been there before.  I figured all of those positions were taken so I didn't need to worry.  It's all taken care of, right?

So, I did try to ignore God's nudges a bit.  Really.  Just being honest.  I was looking into other options, maybe even a  women's group.  Yet, God has a way of just dealing with your heart to prepare you for a certain job.  He wasn't preparing me for more busy work. (don't need any of that!)  He was preparing me for these kids.  So, just as God knew, the teachers for that age group stepped down and that position that God has been preparing me for came open.

I am excited about the opportunity that God has prepared me for.  The vision God has given me is to lead discussions on life applications with the Bible.  Not just recite this verse or memorize this because these kids are there for Sunday school, church, and even Sunday night service.  There are a lot of great Biblical books out there for this age group about peer pressure, friends, leading my example, and even beginnings of dating.   I would like to take the Bible and apply it for everyday struggles that this age group faces everyday.  Yes, I know getting  this age group to participate in discussions can be a difficult but I am hoping they will catch on.  :)

I am excited about where God is leading me.   This Wednesday, we will be looking at Malchus.   A small character in the Easter story.   I know, you might be scratching you head on who that is.  :)  It's okay.  His story was mentioned in several gospels but only named in one! 

Where is God leading your footsteps?  Are you listening?  Or resisting?

A Walk with God

I've learned that when ask God, "where are you leading me?" 

 ....that He'll actually answer.

When you tell God to "use me, use my family for Your purpose"

....that He will.

Sometimes, I am just not ready for the answer.

Those statements have been my prayer for a few months now.  I want more more us than running on that hamster wheel never getting anything done.  I realize that my oldest son will be 16 this year.  Did you read that?? 16!!!  I only have a few more years with him.  I want to instill so much before they go off on their own.  Yet, often times I am tired from the rat race of life.  Do I really have enough energy to add more to my plate??

I know that if God leads me there, that He will equip me for it.  That includes the energy to get it done, right??   Our church is in an exciting time of change.  Change for the good.  The breaking away of tradition just because of tradition.  And looking at what we, as God's church, need to really be doing.  That's an easy answer but hard to follow through.  Disciples making disciples.  That's our motto you could say.

Now, where do I fit in the picture?  If you know me, than you know I tend to stay with the small kids.  Kindergarten is totally my favorite grade!! :)  Right now, I co-teach a Sunday School class with that age group.  It is safe for me.  But, you tell God to use you and to lead you, it isn't usually to the safe nest your used to.

I honestly am not sure where He is leading me.  My heart is longing for....something....   I am not sure if it is going to a larger age group.  Or maybe a women's group.  Maybe a parenting group with the struggles of motherhood??  Please pray for me that God will reveal His will in my life.

Birthday Girl, Faith

It really is true how time flies.  My little six pound baby girl turned 11 this week.  My baby is no longer a baby.  :(   She is in her last year of elementary school, actually she only has about 4 months left.  Faith is ready.  (momma not so much)  She has always been ready to grow up.

She refused to nurse between 9 - 10 months.  She would only drink from a sippy cup.  I remember how I wasn't ready.  I wanted those last few months.  Faith was even walking before 12 months.  At her 1 year birthday party, she was walking between everyone like it was no big deal.  Even when she went to kindergarten, she didn't want me to walk her in.  (I did, of course, crying like all the other mother's walking out the door.)  The thought of middle school doesn't make her nervous at all.  She is  ready.  Faith is always ready to grow up before I  am ready to let go.

I've read all of those parenting books about how this is a good thing.  You want your child to be independent and secure.  You want them to be able to make their own choices.  You don't want your child to always cling to you and need your assurance.  You raise your child to be able to fly on their own.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.   I'm trying.   It's just still hard sometimes to let go.

But, when you do let go, what a beautiful thing!  She is able to be who she really is.  Not who we thought they would be.  And, who she is really is and what God is doing through her is more than I could have planned.  It is hard not to hover and cling, but it is worth it.  I am proud of the young girl she is becoming.

For instance, I always to the Valentine Class party.  The past couple years, I've been doing it with another classmate's mother.  Her son, "Daniel," has special needs.  Faith is very protective of him.   Daniel's mother told me that Faith is child she requests to be put with her son every year during the IEP conference.  That is why they have been in the same class since 1st or 2nd grade.  I am so proud of my baby.   My daughter makes a difference to him.  It makes me cry just thinking about it from both the point of view of a special needs mother and Faith's Mom.  Even during the party, Daniel was off by himself and Faith went over and got him so he could be in her group.  I didn't even notice but Daniel's mother did and almost cried when she told me.   She told me, "that is why I ask for Faith."  Which, of course, I cried because I understand her like no one else could.

Her compassion towards others is inspiring.  Such understanding especially from a young age.  Even her teacher told me at this last conference how much she appreciates that there is no drama with Faith.  None of the little bickering that girl's do.  She just walks away when her friends start and will go play with some one else.  She tries to be everyone's friend.  I love that even more than I love her straight A's! :)

I don't know what God's plans are for my little girl.  I know that her life is in His hands.  (there is not a better place to be!)  I like to think that I am doing something right in raising her as I see her independence and her compassion towards others.  But, I know that I cannot take credit for it.  It is the light of God shinning through her in those moments.  I am just blessed that she is my daughter.

Happy 11th Birthday Faith Kathleen!

Children Are Not a Crutch

My son came home this week and was talking about a mom of some one at school.  For this post, I will call her "Jill" because, well, honestly, I don't know anyone named Jill.  :D  She is up at the school ALL of the time.  Jill is up there DAILY.  My boys are in junior high.  They are way past the class parties stage!  It occurred me to that she was using her children as a crutch.

God has a purpose for Jill's life just as He does for you and I.  One of my purposes are to be the mother to three children.  God does call me to love them unconditionally.  (which as teenagers can at times be difficult!)  I am to raise my children in a Christ centered home.  I am also supposed to raise my children to be independent.  It's a hard pill to swallow at times but totally true!  My children have their own purpose to full-fill.  God has more plans for their life than to just be my son or daughter.  How can my children be brave enough to do God's work if they are scared to leave my side??

You might wonder why I use the word "crutch."  My thought is Jill's baby graduates high school in 3 years.  What is she going to do after that?  I know this lady on a small talk basis and her life revolves around her kids.  She is using her kids, she is filling her life with her kids so much that when they leave ~ her life will be empty. It is not her children's job to full fill her life.  That is a lot to put on a child.

It makes me look at myself a little more closely.  A lot of my time revolves around my kids, as it should.  But, will I be empty when they leave?  For me, the answer is no.  My life is filled with joy and happiness from moments with them.  But my full-fulfillment  cannot come from my children.  My source of love, my source of strength, rests in God alone.  He is the fountain that will never run dry.  I truly loved being a stay at home mom for the few years I was able.  Those moments with my kids, I would never trade!  I'd really love to be a stay at home  mom again now that my kids are in school.  Just so I could do a few things I'd like to do while they are gone during the day.  :D Things placed on my heart but I can't do at this time in my life.  I'd love to go once a week to the children's shelter to read for one thing.  Maybe help with the Salvation Army lunches.  Maybe even foster care.  I know that God would find people who needed me and guide me to them! 

I can't live with the "maybe one day" either.  I need to live in the here and now.  Although I cannot quit my job to read to other children, God will open up other opportunities.  I must trust God's plan for not only my life, but my children's as well.  My life is in His hands and that fills my heart.

Our Fruit

"You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered

 from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?"  Matthew 7:16

 

"Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick

figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers."  Luke 6:44

 

 "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct

is pure and right."  Proverbs 20:11

 

What does your actions and behaviors say about you??

It's funny how God works sometimes.  It's been one of those days where you really want to go back to bed and start over...only your scared it might end up worse.  One of those days where when by the end, you feel like you've been through a fight ~ and lost.  Yeah, we've all had those.  Where else to go when you feel beat up by the world?  A place of refugee for the lost and broken.  And what would the message be about tonight?  The fruits of the spirit.  Better yet ~  what they say about us.

It says in Matthew 7:20, "Thus you will recognize them by their fruits."  Our relationship with God is a personal one.  I cannot look into your heart and see that you are saved.  Yet, when we have that relationship, we are filled with the Fruits of the Spirit.  We are filled with love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.  Yes, we are only human with lots of errors.  I have raised my voice to my children. But, I do apologize.  Every night I tuck them in, kiss them goodnight, and tell them how much I love them.  (yes, even the teenagers)

I hope that when others look at me they see love, kindness, acceptance.  I hope they can see the peace and faith that is deep inside of me because of the trails and tribulations that God has seen me through.  Those are the fruits that I would like others to see within me.  What would you like for others to see when they look at you?  Our actions and behaviors are the only way others can see the love of Christ.  WE are the billboard for Christ in a way.  We are the walking advertisement for Christ.  Our own behavior can turn some one towards Christ because they want some of that hope and joy we have.  Or it can turn others away because of our negative attitudes.  Even our own children will not learn to lean on God, unless they see you lean on God.  Our behavior truly effects others.  Lets make our fruit sweet and bring pleasure to our King.

Don't be a stalker, Be a Participant!

"What I like about Jesus' message is that we don't need to study Him anymore to know Him.  That's what the religious people at the time were promoting.  Collecting information about someone is not the same as knowing a person.  Stalkers are ordinary people who study from afar the people they're too afraid to really know.  Jesus said that unless you know Him like a child you'll never really know Him at all.  Kids don't care about facts, and they certainly don't study each other.  They're just with each other; they do stuff together.  That's what Jesus had in mind."  Love Does by Bob Goff

Something to think about, isn't it?  There are a lot of people out there today that know the Bible.  They can recite God's word better than I ever will.  They can pray elaborate prayers with beautiful words.   But, memorizing words is not the same as knowing God.  Going to church on Sunday doesn't mean that you have a strong relationship with God either.

God doesn't just want "believers."   Even the devil believes.  God wants "participants."  Our Faith is supposed to mean something.  Our Faith needs to be engaging.  The only way for that to happen is to walk with God.

Yeah, I know, we've all heard that before.  Even non-Christian's have heard that. There are books about.  Paintings about it.  But, the question is...do you practice it?  When you are in the car alone ~ do you realize God's right there beside you and take advantage of it?  God is with me where ever I go.  If I'm in the kitchen chopping veggies, I'm talking to God about my kids or things I'm worried about.  If I'm making a basket for new people at church, I am asking God to bless them and pray they feel the love I've put in.  Sometimes the quietest time I have is in the shower.  What better time to talk to God and honestly bear your troubles? 

So, don't be a stalker.  Don't just know the facts of God.  Don't fake it with beautiful words and flowery language.  Know Him as child knows his Father.  He is waiting with open arms.

"Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

To him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

With a strong hand and an outstretched arm,
for his steadfast love endures forever..."

Psalm 136:3-4, 12

Faking Chrisitianity

"...when we meet people who have been fed the fake stuff about who God is and what He's about, its not surprising that they have a little indigestion  So we can either spend our time talking about wrappers or we can show them what God is really made of.  We can show them that God is full of love and the source of hope and every creative idea.  People don't want to be told that their experiences were wrong or that their wrapper or someone else's wrapper is made of the wrong stuff.  Instead, we get to be the ones to show them real love from a real God."    Love Does by Bob Goff (pg 98)

We all know people who have turned away from God and church.  They see the evangelist on t.v. promising wealth or cancer cures for money.  They see priests involved in sex scandals.  They see idiots out there picketing funerals.  They see you and me going out to eat after church, then being rude to the waitress.  They see us not taking time to help or even listen to one another.

Honestly, Christianity is easy to fake.  Let's put a fish on my car or wear a cross necklace.  Show up to church, but no one knows I'm making a grocery list while I'm listening.  Or, hey, the preacher won't know that I'm really playing Scrabble on my phone, will he?  Faking it.  Making us all shiny on the outside is easy.

But, what good does that do? 

The identity we are stealing is God's. Christ-ian.  Christ-like.   We are just making God look bad.  Do you have friends or family that you would never guess go to church?  Those people when you ask what they did over the weekend and they mention church ~ your shocked.  Or looking in the mirror ~ Monday through Friday, does anyone know that you have been to church?  Can anyone tell that you have a relationship with God?

It's time when we show the world God through us. God is love. 

And Love is a Verb.

WE ARE THE CHURCH

"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of

 God chosen and precious,  you yourselves like living stones are being

 built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual

 sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." ~ 1 Peter 2:4-5

Isn't that beautiful?  I just keep reading it again and again.  "A living stone rejected by men."  Discared by men.  Useless to men.  Refused by man.  Yet, in the sight of God, we are precious.   We have great value.  We are dear and beloved.  But not only precious, but chosen.  We are selected and  preferred.

God chose to reside in us.  He is not in the church or temple walls.  I'm not saying God's not at your church.  But it is so much more!  God is there when we wake up in the morning walking with us while we get up and get ready.  He is there while we are driving to church.  Then, once we enter and gather together ~  God is there as well!  We don't leave Him at church once the service is over.  WE are the church.  We are the living stones that make up God's church.  God's plan gets accomplished through us.

What are we doing to further God's chuch?  Am I doing my part?  Do you remember the Casting Crown's song, 'If we are the body'?    Read the words and remember, the chuch is not a building.  The church is US.

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Lead Me, Lord

"For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy

name's sake lead me, and guide me." Psalm 31:3

Isaiah 40:30-31 has always been my favorite Bible verse. It has gotten me through many trials. I hold those words dear to my heart. I have found another verse that has helped me. This week when I read through these verses of Psalms, I glazed over them as I continued reading. In Psalm 18, God is called a rock and fortress with whom I take refugee. So, in my head, I thought Psalm 31 was the same to get the point across and the connect the verses. But it is so much more...

"Therefore for thy name's sake..."

the NLT version says, "For the honor of your name"

For YOUR glory, Lord, I trust you.

For YOUR glory, Lord, I will submit.

For YOUR glory, Lord, not mine.

Lead me to paths that will glorify You!

Guide me to become all that I am when You look at me!

Let my life and all that I am honor and glorify you, Lord. Change me and correct me. Help my selfishness disappear. Help me to be the wife, mother, daughter, and friend that I should be. Lead me, Lord, to become more like you. And through this journey that we are taking together, forgive my whining through the painful times. I know that change is never easy. Forgive me when I go right back and do something again...even when I know I shouldn't. I am forever your child and no matter how old I get ~ I can still act like a two-year-old. Thank You, Lord, for never giving up on me.

Dispensers...not Containers :)

"Walk in wisdom toward  
outsiders, making the best
 use of the time. Let your speech

 always be gracious, seasoned
with salt,  so that you may 
know  how you  ought

 to answer each person."
Colossians 4:5-6

It is time to be involved.  Don't just shake your head and say 'Amen' on Sunday.  Be involved on the movement of Christ.  As my pastor says, be dispensers not containers.  Isn't that a great way to put it?  Don't just take everything you learn and not share it.  Feed your soul with good and righteous things ~ then go and feed others.

The first part of that is SO important.  We must feed our souls.  We must listen, read, study, and learn.  If there is a service, then you should be there.  Not just a warm body...but an open soul ready to receive!  Open up your Bible besides on Sunday and Wednesday.   Music ~ singing praises to our Lord!  Let it fill you heart and spirit.  Take it all in!

Only then, can we truly feed others.  How can we give out, what we don't already have?  We can make the difference in some one's life.  You and I.  Isn't that amazing?  We might be the person God wants to use to reach some one today.  Are we going to listen?  We must live on purpose.  We must live by example and walk in wisdom for those around us. 

That includes our family members, not just strangers.  Those Sunday morning's when nothing is going right and we are in a hurry ~ our attitude effects the family.  If we don't act like we are excited about going to church, do you think our kids will be?  If we don't give them a little push now and then to get them involved with other kids at church, do you think they will want to go?    The most important people we must live intentionally for is our family.

Oh, I never explained that picture, did I?  I've been using my gift of baking to make these yummy baskets for the visitors of our church.  Just another way to reach out to others.  It is wonderful to be a part of something larger than myself.  It's time to be involved...to be dispensers of the Word. To show the Love of Christ by WHAT we do.

T H O R N S

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was
given a thorn  in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
 power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the

 more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on
 me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak,
 then I am strong. "   2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Thorns.  Paul didn't understand why.  He cried out to God.  He pleaded to God.  I don't understand. The three-letter word, "WHY?", has come from my lips numerous times.  I'm guessing that you don't either.  What ever thorn that you are bearing....

Thorns of Infertility

Thorns of Miscarriage

Thorns of Divorce

Thorns of Diabetes

Thorns of Autism

Thorns of Cancer

Thorns of Heart Disease

But, God knows each of our thorns.  He knows our pain....and confusion.  He sees the big picture.  The one we are unable to see.  He knows how this thorn we are going through will make HIM shine brighter.  God may choose to take away your thorn.  Although, that is not a guarantee.  I have been through many of thorns listed myself.  Miscarriage.(at 5 months)  Diabetes (mother, husband, numerous others)  Autism (my son) Cancer (my Dad) Heart Disease (my husband)  Not all of the thorns have been healed and removed.  (YET, I still believe MY GOD CAN HEAL)

In fact, my husband is struggling with this right now.  His thorns are too much at times.  He is in his 40's.  He has Asthma, Heart Disease, and Diabetes.  Of course with those things come high blood pressure and cholesterol. (that just on his own!)  We would love to find a wonderful Dr. Oz that wants to help him get off of the medication instead of just giving him another one.  That hasn't happened.  He has 3 or 4 stints in his heart already.  The doctor told him just last year, the next step is bypass surgery.  Now, that is looking like a reality.  A near future kinda reality...not in the distance.  He has been actually using his nitros...not just loosing them.  :(  He has a heart doctor appointment on Friday which I am going.  (by the time he get's home ~ he'll have the doc saying everything is just fine! lol)

The thorns my husband must bear are daily reminders that this world is not our home.  I don't understand why some must bear many thorns.  While others seem to breeze by.  Maybe they are just better at acting like everything is fine?  I am not sure.   I am just thankful that our Savior sees the big picture.  And through this next journey, He will be with us every step of the way.  If you could, please add Kent to your prayer list.  Thank you.

Life Vs. Fairytale

Life isn't always what you plan.  To be honest ~ not much turns out like I plan.  Maybe a batch of cookies or a cake...yes.  Follow the steps and usually you get what the recipe says.  It's not like I start out making coconut cake and end up with a pan of enchiladas.  ;D

Sitting here, I can think back to what I thought my life would be.  I thought I'd finish college and be an elementary teacher, get married sometime, have four kids, and live happily ever after.  My life now is filled with teenagers (you some how forget those sweet precious babies turn into teens!!), dishes, laundry, bills, work...and autism.

Just one of the many things in life that was not in my plans.  Teenagers can be difficult.  I've been told by many seasoned mothers that if you don't kill them ~ it does get better.  In a few years, those hormones balance out and those mouthy moments become less and less.  But, when you add autism in the mix, the balance can really go crazy. 

When Luke was smaller, he would have meltdowns when he would have enough.  On the floor crying is where he would be.  It didn't matter where we were.  Enough was enough.  Although he is bigger, there are still moments when enough is enough.  (don't we all have those moments?)    Meltdowns still happen (about 3 a week) just luckily they are not falling to the floor.  Others who didn't know better, would just say he is cranky during that time.  I can see it in his face when its just cranky or a meltdown waiting to happen.  School...life...is so hard for him.  I just wish....so many things.  I've learned that wishing doesn't help.  Prayer does.

Autism is not just hard on Luke.  Hubby doesn't understand it.  I don't know why it is.  I just know that statically men have a harder time with disabilities than women do.  When Luke was 2-3 and I felt something was wrong, I read and read.  Book after books...ideas after ideas.  I didn't got through denial.  I knew something wasn't right and I needed to find how to help him.  Kent thought I was over reacting for a long time.  (He still thinks I over react.)

There is also Luke's older brother.  I believe that every child always thinks the siblings get away with everything.  Let's not forget that everything is not fair.  (so tired of hearing that!)  I've gotten to where I say that, "nope, it's not fair."  I've explained things time and time again.  Rationally.  Calmly.   But, all it takes is for me to let Luke get away with one thing because he's on the verge of a meltdown ~ suddenly, chaos happens.  No, it's not fair.  There is so much in life that is harder for Luke.  There is so much that Luke may miss out on.  (and already has!)  No, life is not fair.  Lord, please, help Joey to understand your plan.  Help me Lord to see things from Joey's perspective as well.

My little fairytale that I thought about when I was younger...was just that.  A fairytale.  What God has given me is LIFE.  Life is messy.  My plan was the easy road.  God's plan is to strengthen my roots deep in faith.  To trim off my branches so that I may grow straight.  For me to show God's love to others ~ especially when it's undeserved.   To share my faith even when criticized.  God's plan is not the easy road.  There are moments when my prayers are but sounds from my heart and tears from my eyes.  But with Him, I can make it.

Becoming More Me

If I heard anything from older, wiser women it is this: 1) My kids will be grown-up and gone before I know it, so I better enjoy these moments when I want to kill them. And 2) The 30's were some of their best years. Here I am in the middle of my 30's wondering if I'll be able to say that.

For women, the 20's can be hard. Still unsure about them self. Some are by themselves wondering if or when they will fall in love. Some are newly married and trying to figure that out. Some are a new Mommy tired, exhausted, and nervous. In your 20's, it still very easy to be concerned about what other's are thinking ...and saying...about you. Old friends seem to disappear into their own lives leaving you to create one of your own. Which, I found a bit scary at the time.

Now, in my 30's, I am more....huummmm....I am becoming more ME. My beliefs are not easily shaken. My faith is strong. I am still self-conscience but not as much as in my 20's. (I think that's part of being a woman!) I know what I like and what I don't like. Which is good and bad because I realize that I don't like any of my furniture!! LOL My kids are freaking out a bit because I am looking at red, purple, and yellow things on Craigslist! ;D I'm an old iron bed with a quilt on it. Handmade throws for the couch kinda' girl. The rocking chair which I rocked all my children in. (I sound like an old lady, don't I?) I am a God's Girl that loves to serve and be involved. I am having friends and family over...just because. I am an open door and an open heart. I realize that in my 30's, I am becoming more ME. And, I think that's okay.

"You can't expect to find this amazing person if you're
not growing and becoming a better person yourself...the
harvest depends on the seed." ~ Unknown

Oh ~ one more thing... just a litte update. Our month of January service project will be Saturday (yes, I know it's February 4th..lol) at LifeSource in Fayetteville. I can't wait!!

Year of Service

I have really been thinking about service hood lately. We've discussed it in church and Sunday school several times lately. (God know's how to connect all those dots doesn't He??) Did you know that the word servant(s) is mentioned in the Bible 965 times in the King James Version? The words service and serve are mentioned 341 in the KJV. Maybe God is trying to tell us something.

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom
as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For
the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as
yourself.” ~ Galatians 5:13-14

"Even the Son of Man came not be served, but to serve..."
Matthew 20:28 & Mark 10:45

This isn't the first time that God has brought this to my attention. In 2009, my children and I set out to volunteer once a month a different organizations. This is a picture of the kids at the Veteran's Retirement Home. We did good for the first half of the year. Then, my focus got shifted. It's harder than you might think to find different places that will take younger children to help. But no excues, it got difficult and I gave up. Not my kids, they still mention how they want to start volunteering again. We all loved it.

So, this year, we are going to start and finish our year of service. Some months might be yardwork for some widow's in the church. The kids, of course, want to go back to the animal shelter we went last time. Joey loves the elderly so we'll be visiting a nursing home or two. What ever doors that God leads us too...we'll trust Him to open.

Bigger Than Me

What I am going through today: it's not about just me. It is SO much bigger than me. I am just a small piece in the puzzle of life. I'm not even a corner piece holding things together. Just a little piece off to side. But ~ to God ~ I am important.

To God ~ My JOYS multiply.

To God ~ My TEARS matter.

To God ~ My PURPOSE is known.



You see, my life is bigger than me. Like a child, I look to my Father in Heaven for help and guidance. What I am realizing is, how other's eyes are watching me. My children's eyes watch how I deal with stress, anger, and disappointment. Not only them, but other's as well. Family. Friends. What do they see? Do they see my faith daily in my actions and words? Do they see me praising God through the storms? Or always wishing things were different?

The trials of this life are bigger than you and I. We are just a small piece in God's puzzle of life. God picture would be incomplete without us. He loves us and we are important. But, we are just that: one piece. We are not the picture on the puzzle nor the corners holding it together. God is. For He is bigger than it all. And because of that, my life is bigger than me.