Journey With Jen

"This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through My treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door And I can't feel at home in this world anymore" Remember that old hymn?  That song has been in the back of my mind the past few weeks.  I find it popping in my head at various times on different days. Someday are worse than others....but I just feel so out of place. Yep, that's me in the middle of all the white swans. Everyone has their own paths with ups and downs.  Each road has its own struggles.  Yet, most of the time, I feel like the odd one out there.  In a world of  bi-weekly pedicures, shopping, and nice dinners out like it's nothing unusual. That is not me.  It's not where I'm at.  My toes get chipped, I think that I really need to paint my toes.  Sometimes it gets done -- but then days become weeks while just doing life and I look down at my toes at night and think.......

"Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter it are many.  For the gate is narrow  and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."   Matthew 7:13-14 As we go on our Christian walk, there are times when we are not as close to God as others.  It's not God fault.  I hear people complain that God just is so distant.  He left me through this situation.  I am going through this alone.  But, God doesn't leave us or forsake us.  The Creator of this universe is waiting patiently for you and me.  We're just human.  Sometimes easy is well... easy.  Too easy to resist.  How many times do we walk away from Him?? God doesn't say the narrow way will be easy.  The Bible says it's the hard way.  It's forgiving others, even when undeserved or unasked.  It is letting go of anger.  It is making time for Him i...

God has put this one my heart for a while, but I've really, well, put off talking about it.  It seems that lot of people recently have switched over to the home-school idea and don't give our schools the praise they deserve.  Public schools get a bad rap.  So, here are my two cents.  Take it what you will but if you have something negative to say, I'll just remind you that we all have a right to our own opinions and this is just my own.  These are just think from my perspective. When my children were smaller, I was a big reader to them.  As they grew, I taught them A, B,C's and numbers.  I taught them sounds for each letter so we could put together words.  Even beginning addition.  Before kindergarten, Joey knew all of that as well as could write his name and color in the lines beautifully.  Luke did have a few learning issues but I worked even harder with him.  Faith was even reading BEFORE kindergarten.  She was 4 years o...

I can not believe it's been so long since I've posted.  I've been working on my bible study for the pre-teen class so much that after I put that away...I chill for a bit and off to bed.  Yes, I know, it is an exciting life.  :)  But, I love those kids in class so it is totally worth it.  The number of days of school left is in the teens.  I believe each of us are in need of a break.  I have  so many unfinished projects going on at home that I am looking forward to having time to finish them ALL.  That's my goal anyway.  ;)  Who knows how many I will start after I get those done.  Then, I will be in the same predicament I am now!  And, I will continue to drive my husband crazy!! haha!! Speaking of driving my hubby crazy...  My husband growled at me yesterday.  "Growled" is the best way to describe it.  Why you may ask?  Is it because all of my projects waiting to be finished?  Or the laundry or di...

It is amazing how God can use you when you let him.  My little blog here isn't anything glamorous.  It's real life.  The good.  The bad.  Even the ugly tears.  I don't pretend here that everything is great when my heart is breaking.  When something is great, I'll share that as well.  It is all here.  It's open for anyone to read.  I don't have anything to hide. Some one asked me why I write this blog.  My answer?  I just want God to use me.  If through this blog, I can help another person going through a struggle, it means something.   My sin and mistakes are spelled out in black and white.  My worries and struggles are there for all to see.  But through all the mud of this life, my hope is found in God alone.  I want that to be light, even if just a small nightlight, for some one struggling. And as amazing as it is to me, not only do I have friends that will read a post here and there and le...

So easy to talk about.  Kinda' can become generic almost.  But, there comes a time when talking about it should be moved into doing.  With the doing comes trusting the Lord to guide you.  That's were I am right now.  Trusting the Lord to guide my steps now that I have taken those steps forward. I have been helping out in a little kids Sunday school class.  But, God has been working on my heart for the older kids since January.  The ones that are currently struggling through middle school and junior high.  There is so much pressure on that age group.  School...Friends...Bullies...even Family.  I just love those kids.  Although, the call to work with that age group has never been there before.  I figured all of those positions were taken so I didn't need to worry.  It's all taken care of, right? So, I did try to ignore God's nudges a bit.  Really.  Just being honest.  I was looking into other options, ma...

I've learned that when ask God, "where are you leading me?"   ....that He'll actually answer. When you tell God to "use me, use my family for Your purpose" ....that He will. Sometimes, I am just not ready for the answer. Those statements have been my prayer for a few months now.  I want more more us than running on that hamster wheel never getting anything done.  I realize that my oldest son will be 16 this year.  Did you read that?? 16!!!  I only have a few more years with him.  I want to instill so much before they go off on their own.  Yet, often times I am tired from the rat race of life.  Do I really have enough energy to add more to my plate?? I know that if God leads me there, that He will equip me for it.  That includes the energy to get it done, right??   Our church is in an exciting time of change.  Change for the good.  The breaking away of tradition just because of tradition.  And looki...

It really is true how time flies.  My little six pound baby girl turned 11 this week.  My baby is no longer a baby.  :(   She is in her last year of elementary school, actually she only has about 4 months left.  Faith is ready.  (momma not so much)  She has always been ready to grow up. She refused to nurse between 9 - 10 months.  She would only drink from a sippy cup.  I remember how I wasn't ready.  I wanted those last few months.  Faith was even walking before 12 months.  At her 1 year birthday party, she was walking between everyone like it was no big deal.  Even when she went to kindergarten, she didn't want me to walk her in.  (I did, of course, crying like all the other mother's walking out the door.)  The thought of middle school doesn't make her nervous at all.  She is  ready.  Faith is always ready to grow up before I  am ready to let go. I've read all of those parenting b...

My son came home this week and was talking about a mom of some one at school.  For this post, I will call her "Jill" because, well, honestly, I don't know anyone named Jill.  :D  She is up at the school ALL of the time.  Jill is up there DAILY.  My boys are in junior high.  They are way past the class parties stage!  It occurred me to that she was using her children as a crutch. God has a purpose for Jill's life just as He does for you and I.  One of my purposes are to be the mother to three children.  God does call me to love them unconditionally.  (which as teenagers can at times be difficult!)  I am to raise my children in a Christ centered home.  I am also supposed to raise my children to be independent.  It's a hard pill to swallow at times but totally true!  My children have their own purpose to full-fill.  God has more plans for their life than to just be my son or daughter.  How can my children be ...

"You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered  from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?"  Matthew 7:16   "Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers."  Luke 6:44    "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right."  Proverbs 20:11   What does your actions and behaviors say about you?? It's funny how God works sometimes.  It's been one of those days where you really want to go back to bed and start over...only your scared it might end up worse.  One of those days where when by the end, you feel like you've been through a fight ~ and lost.  Yeah, we've all had those.  Where else to go when you feel beat up by the world?  A place of refugee for the lost and broken.  And what would the message be about tonight?  The fruits of the spirit.  Better yet ~  what they say ab...

"What I like about Jesus' message is that we don't need to study Him anymore to know Him.  That's what the religious people at the time were promoting.  Collecting information about someone is not the same as knowing a person.  Stalkers are ordinary people who study from afar the people they're too afraid to really know.  Jesus said that unless you know Him like a child you'll never really know Him at all.  Kids don't care about facts, and they certainly don't study each other.  They're just with each other; they do stuff together.  That's what Jesus had in mind."  Love Does by Bob Goff Something to think about, isn't it?  There are a lot of people out there today that know the Bible.  They can recite God's word better than I ever will.  They can pray elaborate prayers with beautiful words.   But, memorizing words is not the same as knowing God.  Going to church on Sunday doesn't mean that you have a strong ...

"...when we meet people who have been fed the fake stuff about who God is and what He's about, its not surprising that they have a little indigestion  So we can either spend our time talking about wrappers or we can show them what God is really made of.  We can show them that God is full of love and the source of hope and every creative idea.  People don't want to be told that their experiences were wrong or that their wrapper or someone else's wrapper is made of the wrong stuff.  Instead, we get to be the ones to show them real love from a real God."    Love Does by Bob Goff (pg 98) We all know people who have turned away from God and church.  They see the evangelist on t.v. promising wealth or cancer cures for money.  They see priests involved in sex scandals.  They see idiots out there picketing funerals.  They see you and me going out to eat after church, then being rude to the waitress.  They see us not taking time...

"As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of  God chosen and precious,  you yourselves like living stones are being  built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual  sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." ~ 1 Peter 2:4-5 Isn't that beautiful?  I just keep reading it again and again.  " A living stone rejected by men ."  Discared by men.  Useless to men.  Refused by man.  Yet, in the sight of God , we are precious .   We have great value.  We are dear and beloved.  But not only precious, but chosen .  We are selected and  preferred. God chose to reside in us.  He is not in the church or temple walls.  I'm not saying God's not at your church.  But it is so much more!  God is there when we wake up in the morning walking with us while we get up and get ready.  He is there while we are drivi...

"For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me." Psalm 31:3 Isaiah 40:30-31 has always been my favorite Bible verse. It has gotten me through many trials. I hold those words dear to my heart. I have found another verse that has helped me. This week when I read through these verses of Psalms, I glazed over them as I continued reading. In Psalm 18, God is called a rock and fortress with whom I take refugee. So, in my head, I thought Psalm 31 was the same to get the point across and the connect the verses. But it is so much more... "Therefore for thy name's sake..." the NLT version says, " For the honor of your name " For YOUR glory, Lord, I trust you. For YOUR glory, Lord, I will submit. For YOUR glory, Lord, not mine. Lead me to paths that will glorify You! Guide me to become all that I am when You look at me! Let my life and all that I am honor and glorify you, Lord. Change me and correct me. ...

"Walk in wisdom toward   outsiders, making  the best  use of the time. Let your speech  always be gracious, seasoned with salt,   so that you may   know   how you  ought  to answer each person." Colossians 4:5-6 It is time to be involved.  Don't just shake your head and say 'Amen' on Sunday.  Be involved on the movement of Christ.  As my pastor says, be dispensers not containers.  Isn't that a great way to put it?  Don't just take everything you learn and not share it.  Feed your soul with good and righteous things ~ then go and feed others. The first part of that is SO important.  We must feed our souls.  We must listen, read, study, and learn.  If there is a service, then you should be there.  Not just a warm body...but an open soul ready to receive!  Open up your Bible besides on Sunday and Wednesday.   Music ~ singing praises to our Lor...

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn   in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from  me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,  for my  power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the  more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on  me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak,  then I am strong. "   2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Thorns.  Paul didn't understand why.  He cried out to God.  He pleaded to God.  I don't understand. The three-letter word, "WHY?", has come from my lips numerous times.  I'm guessing that you don't either.  What ever thorn that you are bearing.... Thorns of Infertility Thorns of Miscarriage Thorns of Divor...

Life isn't always what you plan.  To be honest ~ not much turns out like I plan.  Maybe a batch of cookies or a cake...yes.  Follow the steps and usually you get what the recipe says.  It's not like I start out making coconut cake and end up with a pan of enchiladas.  ;D Sitting here, I can think back to what I thought my life would be.  I thought I'd finish college and be an elementary teacher, get married sometime, have four kids, and live happily ever after.  My life now is filled with teenagers (you some how forget those sweet precious babies turn into teens!!), dishes, laundry, bills, work...and autism. Just one of the many things in life that was not in my plans.  Teenagers can be difficult.  I've been told by many seasoned mothers that if you don't kill them ~ it does get better.  In a few years, those hormones balance out and those mouthy moments become less and less.  But, when you add autism in the mix, the...

If I heard anything from older, wiser women it is this: 1) My kids will be grown-up and gone before I know it, so I better enjoy these moments when I want to kill them. And 2) The 30's were some of their best years. Here I am in the middle of my 30's wondering if I'll be able to say that. For women, the 20's can be hard. Still unsure about them self. Some are by themselves wondering if or when they will fall in love. Some are newly married and trying to figure that out. Some are a new Mommy tired, exhausted, and nervous. In your 20's, it still very easy to be concerned about what other's are thinking ...and saying...about you. Old friends seem to disappear into their own lives leaving you to create one of your own. Which, I found a bit scary at the time. Now, in my 30's, I am more....huummmm....I am becoming more ME. My beliefs are not easily shaken. My faith is strong. I am still self-conscience but not as much as in my 20's. (I think that's part of...

I have really been thinking about service hood lately. We've discussed it in church and Sunday school several times lately. (God know's how to connect all those dots doesn't He??) Did you know that the word servant(s) is mentioned in the Bible 965 times in the King James Version? The words service and serve are mentioned 341 in the KJV. Maybe God is trying to tell us something. "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another . For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” ~ Galatians 5:13-14 "Even the Son of Man came not be served, but to serve ..." Matthew 20:28 & Mark 10:45 This isn't the first time that God has brought this to my attention. In 2009, my children and I set out to volunteer once a month a different organizations. This is a picture of the kids at the Veteran's Retirement Home. We did good for the fir...

What I am going through today: it's not about just me. It is SO much bigger than me. I am just a small piece in the puzzle of life. I'm not even a corner piece holding things together. Just a little piece off to side. But ~ to God ~ I am important. To God ~ My JOYS multiply. To God ~ My TEARS matter. To God ~ My PURPOSE is known. You see, my life is bigger than me. Like a child, I look to my Father in Heaven for help and guidance. What I am realizing is, how other's eyes are watching me. My children's eyes watch how I deal with stress, anger, and disappointment. Not only them, but other's as well. Family. Friends. What do they see? Do they see my faith daily in my actions and words? Do they see me praising God through the storms? Or always wishing things were different? The trials of this life are bigger than you and I. We are just a small piece in God's puzzle of life. God picture would be incomplete without us. He loves us and we are important. But, we are jus...