Bumpy Road

 Well, just me. Little update on things. I was on the Methotrexate for 4 weeks and it didn't help with pain or inflammation at all.  It did cause some hair to come out, for the hair that I do have to dry out, and for total exhaustion throughout my body.  It really was a great 4 weeks!  (just kidding!)  My last dose was just a few days ago so I'll be glad when it is out of my system.

Apparently it must help most people because they were really surprised when I had absolutely nothing positive to say about the last 4 weeks.  My knee swelled so much I could not squat.  My hands had sharp pain several times this month.  Hips hurt constantly not just when I'm trying to sleep.  And my feet are still swelling.  So really - nothing positive to say.  😂 So, they drew blood and are now doing a pharmacogenetics test.  

Besides the physical part of it all - I am really missing being me.  I want to be outdoors.  Go on a hike. Yes, I know that it is 100 degrees out and it's way too hot to even think about it.  But, right now - I know that I actually could not physically do it.  There is a difference. I'd take a day at flea markets or Silver Dollar City.  But, I am exhausted by the weekends. My son and I go to the early service on Sunday mornings.  We usually go to a few flea markets or Goodwill before we have lunch.  By noon or 1, I am done.  If I am still out by 2, then I'm hurting so much and so tired that I can't drive.  I go home and lay down with ice packs. The Saturdays that I go see my 80 year old mother, by the time I get home in the afternoon - I am exhausted and hurting.  Cooking supper is big deal lately.  Cleaning house, well, that's funny.  

When I started this journey the beginning of the year, the pain was there during the day, but it didn't stop me.  I could still basically do what I wanted to do.  Sleeping was hard.  Hands hurt once in a while.  But, spur of the moment trip - I was ready!  However, I knew my arthritis was going to get worse.  Foot started swelling.  The first foot doctor blamed arthritis.  So, thankfully a friend that reads these updates was able to get me in the right direction.  Looking at my pain levels which have gotten so much worse just in 6 months. I cannot imagine the hopeless feeling that I would have at this point -- if I knew that I could not even get help.  The Mercy rheumatology clinic denied me because of my blood work and I was suddenly at a stopping point with no where to go.  But God. Yes, right now, I am tired and hurting every day.  The calcium deposits that are on my hips and lower back where my tendons connect -- are one of the signs of the late stages of osteoarthritis.  I don't know what the next steps are. But I am still thankful.  

  Thankful that someone reached out and helped even when they didn't have to.  Thankful that I am not still trying to find a doctor to listen to me. Thankful my boys feed me when I’m too tired to care at night. I do wish that this road that I am on would wait until I'm in my 70's  -- instead of hitting me smack in the face at 50.  But at this point, I am still hopeful.  My next appointment is in the middle of September with the main rheumatologist.  I still need a MRI on my feet to look at the tendons because of the swelling.  But the thankfulness and hopefulness are what's keeping afloat right now.  I know that I am not walking this road alone.  God has given me the strength to get through everything that I have already been through --  which is a lot the last 4 years.  I don't know what the next 12 months will look like.  Okay -- let's be honest.  I don't even know what the next 6 months will look like.  Ice packs can only do so much. But, I'm hanging in there.