Journey With Jen

 Well, just me. Little update on things. I was on the Methotrexate for 4 weeks and it didn't help with pain or inflammation at all.  It did cause some hair to come out, for the hair that I do have to dry out, and for total exhaustion throughout my body.  It really was a great 4 weeks!  (just kidding!)  My last dose was just a few days ago so I'll be glad when it is out of my system. Apparently it must help most people because they were really surprised when I had absolutely nothing positive to say about the last 4 weeks.  My knee swelled so much I could not squat.  My hands had sharp pain several times this month.  Hips hurt constantly not just when I'm trying to sleep.  And my feet are still swelling.  So really - nothing positive to say.  😂 So, they drew blood and are now doing a pharmacogenetics test.   Besides the physical part of it all - I am really missing being me.  I want to be outdoors.  Go on a hike. ...

Wednesday was a week today since I left the hospital.  Friday it will be two weeks since my surgery.  I'm home and trying to get my strength back up.  The doctor was not kidding when he said that it is a very painful surgery.  But, I'm finally down to one pain pill a day.  The one pill is usually in the evenings.  It's one thing to have some pain or be uncomfortable during the day, but trying to sleep when your hurting is difficult.  I still get tired easily.  Yesterday I decided to make cookie dough and freeze it for Easter.  Between the breaks that I had to take, the two hour task ended up most of the day.  So, I can see why the doctors have told me not to rush back to work.  My body is still healing and it's a slow process. I had my PCP appointment yesterday.  What really surprised me was the many questions the nurse asked me about my mental state.  I love how they are looking at the whole body, not just the physical....

 Four years since I last wrote.  Seems like a lifetime ago.  I wonder --- Does anyone even read or write blogs anymore?  I don't know, but here I go.  My life has changed so much.... Many times I wanted to write.  I would log in and want to share to everything I was going through.  To work through it with God's word in one hand and my computer in the other.  It's therapy for me in a lot of ways.  However, I just never felt like I could.  When your life is so connected to some one else, by telling my story, I would be telling theirs.  I didn't feel like I could or should.  Someday, I'll revisit the last few years.    Because although there is great sadness, there is also hope. There are God's fingerprints in my life.  For I know that it is not by my strength that I have made it this far.  It is by His mercy and for His purpose.  By telling my story, I can pray that it reaches some one that needs to hear ...

Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  Sometimes it's just barely making it through the day.  Some days are more like a tornado tearing through your life.  Then there are days when you feel like the rain will never end.  I've learned that we are all books with different covers.  Covers... can hide something you don't want others to see.  Yet, you hope that some one will want to open it up and know what's on the inside. Covers can hide many things.  There is of course, the beauties that are only skin deep.   There are the athletes that seem so confident but struggle with believing in themselves.  There are smart ones that feel like that will fail at everything and then get too scared to try.  There are ones that are will do anything to make some one love them.  There are also the happy ones that cry when no one is looking.  No one's life is picture perfect.  There are moments of perfection to savor and look back on...