Well, just me. Little update on things. I was on the Methotrexate for 4 weeks and it didn't help with pain or inflammation at all. It did cause some hair to come out, for the hair that I do have to dry out, and for total exhaustion throughout my body. It really was a great 4 weeks! (just kidding!) My last dose was just a few days ago so I'll be glad when it is out of my system.
Apparently it must help most people because they were really surprised when I had absolutely nothing positive to say about the last 4 weeks. My knee swelled so much I could not squat. My hands had sharp pain several times this month. Hips hurt constantly not just when I'm trying to sleep. And my feet are still swelling. So really - nothing positive to say. 😂 So, they drew blood and are now doing a pharmacogenetics test.
Besides the physical part of it all - I am really missing being me. I want to be outdoors. Go on a hike. Yes, I know that it is 100 degrees out and it's way too hot to even think about it. But, right now - I know that I actually could not physically do it. There is a difference. I am exhausted by the weekends. My son and I go to the early service on Sunday mornings. We usually go to a few flea markets or Goodwill before we have lunch. By 1, I am done. If I am still out by 2, then I'm hurting so much and so tired that I can't drive. The Saturdays that I go see my 80 year old mother, by the time I get home in the afternoon - I am exhausted and hurting. Cooking supper is big deal lately. Cleaning house, well, that's funny.
When I started this journey the beginning of the year, the pain was there during the day, but it didn't stop me. I could still basically do what I wanted to do. Sleeping was hard. Hands hurt once in a while. But, spur of the moment trip - I was ready! However, I knew my arthritis was going to get worse. Foot started swelling. The first foot doctor blamed arthritis. So, thankfully a friend that reads these updates was able to get me in the right direction. Looking at my pain levels which have gotten so much worse just in 6 months. I cannot imagine the hopeless feeling that I would have at this point -- if I knew that I could not even get help. The Mercy rheumatology clinic denied me because of my blood work and I was suddenly at a stopping point with no where to go. But God. Yes, right now, I am tired and hurting every day. The calcium deposits that are on my hips and lower back where my tendons connect -- are one of the signs of the late stages of osteoarthritis. I don't know what the next steps are. But I am still thankful.
Thankful that someone reached out and helped even when they didn't have to. Thankful that I am not still trying to find a doctor to listen to me. Thankful my boys feed me when I’m too tired to care at night. I do wish that this road that I am on would wait until I'm in my 70's -- instead of hitting me smack in the face at 50. But at this point, I am still hopeful. My next appointment is in the middle of September with the main rheumatologist. I still need a MRI on my feet to look at the tendons because of the swelling. But the thankfulness and hopefulness are what's keeping afloat right now. I know that I am not walking this road alone. God has given me the strength to get through everything that I have already been through -- which is a lot the last 4 years. I don't know what the next 12 months will look like. Okay -- let's be honest. I don't even know what the next 6 months will look like. Ice packs can only do so much. But, I'm hanging in there.
