Journey With Jen

She's a Little Bit of Sunshine ~author unknown She's a little bit of sunshine She's a smile to light your day She will steal your heart & keep it With her warm endearing ways She's your precious little girl With a sweetness from above Who will fill your years with laughter And your lives with lots of love. Happy 6th Birthday to my niece, Abby!

"You will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure because there is hope, You will look about you & take your rest in safety." Job 11:15-18 There are times when your calm and open. What you need to hear ~ it finds you. God gets it to you and you actually receive it. There's no distractions. This is what I needed tonight. Isn't it just beautiful? To have our troubles a distant memory as waters gone by. Life brighter than noonday. Wow! When have I felt that good in this life?? To look around you and feel safe... To feel that security... To feel that hope . I do feel hope today, in this life. In the mists of the chaos that is our life ~ there is hope . Just knowing that God is in control. God has it covered. The mistakes. The misunderstandings. The hurt. The pain. God walks with us through it all. Isn't that ...

There are those days where you feel like you can do it all. You know, those days where you can "bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan." LOL Then, there are those other days where you feel like the bacon cooking in the skillet! :) Yesterday I was superwoman with dinner in the oven and cooking pancakes for this morning's breakfast. Today ~ well, I am leaning on God a little heavier today. Not that it's been a bad day. Just some days are harder than others when autism & learning disabilities are a part of your life. It is so hard to watch your children struggle. My son has made it to middle school now. I remember when we started kindergarten with him. The struggles. The fighting the system. Now, he has 7 or 8 teachers and only two are special education teachers. It's so hard to let go . . . I know inside that it's part of growing up. I also know that God doesn't let go. He is there even when I cannot be. Luke struggles so much with reading. He always ...

We finally got some SNOW!! I never really liked winter, but as I've gotten older, I appreciate it. It is a wonderful time to just slow down. We had two days off from school and how I've enjoyed it. No, we didn't do much. No work. No school. No shopping. Just us, together as a family. Digging in the snow to make some snow ice cream. Luke & Faith did some sledding with some neighbors. Mostly ~ we stayed inside and kept our PJ's on until 10 or 11. We played the Wii a lot. (even on the Wii the game of Life takes an hour!) We watched some Animal Planet and Nick. Yeah, there was the occasional brotherly outburst. That just happens with their age I'm afraid and how close in age they are. We broke it up by going to the youth center on Friday and playing some pool. (yeah, we're trying to teach the kids! ~ it's like the blind leading the blind because I was never that good anyway! LOL) I've even been able to get caught up on laundry! Yeah, I know. It's exc...

Next month, I'll be married 14 years. Jeez! Let me think about that. Well ~ maybe I shouldn't! LOL There has been a lot that's happened in 14 years. Jobs have changed. Three kids have changed us. I have discovered the world of autism. Friends have come and some have gone. We have lost my father to cancer. I've learned that marriage can be harder than parenthood. Here are a few things that I've learned through the years. I think about the beginning. I didn't know how to cook. Seriously. I followed the directions on the box of mac & cheese because I might mess it up!! My mom didn't really cook when I was growing up. (there's 6 years between my brother & I) I guess by the time I came along, she made hamburger helper, mac & cheese, fish sticks, you know ~ all that healthy stuff! :) I was determined to learn how to cook. Some of it was really bad, but I tried new recipes all the time to find some keepers. Luckily, my family actually considers me a...

"But I trust in your unfailing love; My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise For He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6 It is easy to look around and see things to be negative about. Turn on the news. Look at the bill pay pile. Look at my home that is begging for a spring cleaning. (getting in the mood, just not quite there yet!! LOL) Yet, in all that mess... all those things that can clutter your mind and heart ... I have to just push it away. And rejoice! For God has been good to me. Thank you Lord for loving me despite my failings. Thank you Lord for reaching my Dad and bringing him home to be with you. Thank you Lord for my kids. Even when I was little, I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Thank you Lord for a husband that tries. Tries to support his wife and kids in every way. Thank you Lord for my Mom that helps us so much. Thank you Lord for my nephew & nieces. It's a little like being a grandparent early! :) Thank you Lord for m...

"Listen to the wise and accept discipline and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." ~ Proverbs 19:20-21 Can I hear an 'Amen' ? How many plans have I made through the years? How many times have I prayed for God to come in and change my circumstances? How many times have my plans fell through? Too Many to Mention! My carefully laid out plans sometimes don't get okay-ed by the Master Planner. God is all knowing. Just think about that. It blows my mind. He knows my past. ~ which I can remember parts here and there. He knows what is happening now. ~ which I can see what is happening from my little perspective. But, He also knows the future. ~ which I have no clue. He knows that if I make that choice or go down that road, what other people it will effect. I can see my little circle. He sees the ripple effect. And, I do believe in Free Will. I can still make those cho...

A friend of mine, her husband went to the doctor and found clogged arteries after testing. The doctor's planned to go in and put stints in if they found anything. However, when they went in it was worse than they thought and stints would not work. He is going to have to bypass two arteries going to his heart. On Yahoo News it said the John Dye, the guy from 'Touched By An Angel,' died of a heart attack at 47 years old. In the last 6 months, Gene George, Don Tyson, and Don Harp have passed away. My husband had a heart attack around 39 years old. His twin brother has had not only a heart attack but a stroke as well. There are no guarantees. Only God knows when our time is up. The young. The old. The strong and healthy. No one knows. Last year when my brother-in-law had a stroke, it was hard on everyone. His wife was scared, but trying to keep it together. My husband could see himself laying there in that hospital bed. For me ~ that was my brother laying there looking at the...

Joey, Luke, & Faith at OK City Bombing Memorial Luke, Faith, & Joey with our Frosty in Jan 2010 At Wilson Park with the kids (aren't those trees so cool?) Abby at Halloween Luke & Abby during soccer Summer & Cara at Cara's graduation Joey on vacation in St. Louis Faith & Cara hiking at Hobbs State Park Luke & Joey on vacation in St. Louis Faith & Summer hiking at Buffalo River

This morning, my husband tried to give me a wake up call after glancing at my phone & seeing that I text an offer to help again. It went it a little like this: "Why can't you see it? I just don't understand why you get kicked in the face time and time again yet you keep going back for more! She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to be a part of our family. She doesn't like you and wants to be left alone. How many times do you get kicked before you go the other direction??" Yeah, that was at 8 o'clock this morning. But, it's now 6 and I'm still thinking about it. I tried to tell him my reasoning. If I can show that I'm nice and thoughtful ~ then, maybe it will change her mind. If I can show in words and actions that I don't judge people ~ then, maybe it will change her mind. If I can show her that I'll always be there no matter what ~ maybe it will change her mind. If I can ~ I don't know ~ do something, maybe, just ma...

"It has been said that 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." ~ Rose F. Kennedy I like to look up quotes. They give an insight to the person who said them. They can also give me another way of looking at things. Tonight, I was thinking of the the saying that 'time heals all wounds.' I never really believed that one. If you hold anger or hurt about something that happened 10 years ago ~ your still carrying it around. It didn't heal or go away in that time. I know about that personally. I've delt with a lot of things that happened growing up. I can honestly say that it's forgiven. I may have some scars but it is healed. But ~ I do have one thing I struggle with. It has to do with my son and yes, it is still a wound that is unhealed. The pain has lessened through the years, but it's still there. When I think...

I've been reading a book with that title. It's interesting. It talks about how God brings certain Guests into our lives. Some may just be here briefly. Even just moments. It takes only moments to make our day better or to change our lives. He brings some in our lives to stay. Some may not even be a positive interaction. But ~ they are here to help us through difficulties. Or teach us things. That is our Guest List. When I think about my guest book and who has impacted my life, it's really harder than you think. Of course, it doesn't have to be an actual person you've met. It could be the author of a book that changed your way of thinking. It could be a tv show that changed you. Who ever and how ever God got the message to you. And what was that message? Debbie Macomber's book goes into people that are on her Guest List and how they have changed her life. Sometimes a neighbor. One couple was in having their child the same time as she had hers. Who has God sent to...

It is the start of another year. I am trying to find what it is that God wants me to be focusing on. What is it that I need to work on or bring to my family? When I think of 2009, the word Forgiveness comes to mind. It was a hard year because my Dad's cancer got worse. My mom and I talked to him everyday. We would take turns checking on him, each of us going over a few times a week. It was hard to watch him suffer. I didn't understand 'why?'. I went with him to plan his funeral. It was SO hard. But, look back, the word Forgiveness comes to mind. Dad made peace with God and received Forgiveness. I didn't know if that would ever happen, but it did. Praise God!! Also, we forgave each other in a way. I was his little girl, but I was never his 'buddy.' That was my brother. It was hard those two years when he was diagnosed because every time that I saw him, he would ask about my brother. If I talked to him. If I saw him. If my brother knew that he was sick. I wa...

Faith in 2005 (3 1/2 yrs) And 2010 Last, but not least, my baby girl. I always wanted a little girl. Growing up, her name was going to be Amanda. Then, as I went through school, the Amanda's I met were not very nice so her named changed to Destiny. In fact, in 2000 I was pregnant with what I knew was a little girl. My pregnancy was different than the boys. I wasn't sick very often. I kinda glowed -- a little. LOL I went to my checks ups which were all normal. Until the 5th month, when I would have my ultrasound. There wasn't a heartbeat. She was gone. I refilled my pain medication they gave me. (I wouldn't do the D&C) I had a hard time after that. I had my boys to help me, but I just wanted my girl back. One year to the date (my check up after my miscarriage), I found out I was pregnant! I was feeling pretty good again. I craved soup like I did with my previous pregnancy. God gave my my baby girl. But, her name changed from Destiny to Faith. Faith is what kept me go...

Luke holding Faith at the hospital in 2002. Luke in 2010. It is amazing to me how much they haven't changed! And how much of their personality is just them. Notice the cowboy shirt? :) When I think of Luke, I think of the past struggles as well as the future. I remember those days of falling on the floor screaming ~ after the two's. In fact, his tantrums didn't start until after the two's. Luke was born screaming, spent the first nine months crying with colic, and then became a pretty happy little toddler. He didn't talk a lot, just pointed. We figured it was because Joey was there and he didn't need to talk much. But before kindergarten, we got him tested for speech through the co-op because the daycare mentioned it. I jumped on it. I knew something was wrong. He still wasn't talking. He fell down a lot. He had meltdowns or tantrums still. And, he didn't seem to be learning at a 'normal' pace. (I was working on ABC's, Counting, and colors) L...