Journey With Jen

It is the Easter season once again.  Hard to believe it is only a couple days away.   Usually I am decorating with spring colors by now.  Thinking of Easter clothes or spring pictures.  Filling colorful eggs with chocolate and gummies.  This year my heart is heavy with the burdens of the world. So many people are struggling with cancer.  Mothers and Fathers will soon be saying their good-byes to their children and grandchildren.  It is so difficult to lose a parent, no matter how old we are.  Kent and I keep thinking about our Grandma as well.  She is in her 90's and fading faster it seems.  Last year, our aunt heard her talking to Jesus in her room.  She told Him that Easter would be a good time because, after all, You died for us.  (gave us the hint who she's talking too!)  Now, with Easter among us, we keep going back to that conversation.  We keep wondering if it will happen soon.  I saw her on my birthda...

It is amazing how God can use you when you let him.  My little blog here isn't anything glamorous.  It's real life.  The good.  The bad.  Even the ugly tears.  I don't pretend here that everything is great when my heart is breaking.  When something is great, I'll share that as well.  It is all here.  It's open for anyone to read.  I don't have anything to hide. Some one asked me why I write this blog.  My answer?  I just want God to use me.  If through this blog, I can help another person going through a struggle, it means something.   My sin and mistakes are spelled out in black and white.  My worries and struggles are there for all to see.  But through all the mud of this life, my hope is found in God alone.  I want that to be light, even if just a small nightlight, for some one struggling. And as amazing as it is to me, not only do I have friends that will read a post here and there and le...

So easy to talk about.  Kinda' can become generic almost.  But, there comes a time when talking about it should be moved into doing.  With the doing comes trusting the Lord to guide you.  That's were I am right now.  Trusting the Lord to guide my steps now that I have taken those steps forward. I have been helping out in a little kids Sunday school class.  But, God has been working on my heart for the older kids since January.  The ones that are currently struggling through middle school and junior high.  There is so much pressure on that age group.  School...Friends...Bullies...even Family.  I just love those kids.  Although, the call to work with that age group has never been there before.  I figured all of those positions were taken so I didn't need to worry.  It's all taken care of, right? So, I did try to ignore God's nudges a bit.  Really.  Just being honest.  I was looking into other options, ma...

"Fear not, for I am with you;   be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,   I will uphold you with my  righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:20 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."   Deuteronomy 31:6 "You will forget your misery;   you will remember it as waters that  have passed away.    And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning.    And you will feel secure,  because there is hope;   you will look around and take your rest in  security."  Job 11:16-18 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans for w elfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.   Then you  will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You  will seek me ...

My oldest, Joey, found a t-shirt at Target last weekend.  He really wanted it.  The shirt said, "may your life be as awesome as you pretend on Facebook."  Why is it that we naturally feel like we have to hide everything?  Or put up another front so no one can see inside. We all do the clean up before anyone comes over.  Read that again so you don't feel alone.  Do you realize that we ALL do that?  My life is not perfect by any means.  My house seems to always have a room in the demolition phase.  We have been here since August and I still have not even painted my living room so I can put pictures up.  (we did gut and put back together the kitchen, so I have been busy)  So, often, I feel like my life is a mess!  Yet, I try to hide it.  I sweep and mop, and vacuum the living room hoping you don't notice the stain from when my dog ate a bag of Sweetheart candies and puked.  Clean laundry gets put up just moments befo...

The first weeks after my miscarriage are just a blur.  Looking back, I can't really remember them.  I knew I needed to focus on my boys and find ways to be happy once again.  But knowing and being able to actually do it is difficult.  I lost my baby in the fall.  So, I threw myself into the holidays.  I was cooking and baking a lot.  Christmas looking and shopping was therapy. (don't recommend, just being honest!) Decorating the house.  Anything that would keep me busy.  Keeping my mind off the stocking that would never be filled.  Each and everyday I would still go into her nursery when the boys took a nap.  I'd sit in that rocking chair and talk to God.  November and December seemed to go by quickly.  I thought I was doing okay really.  Then January came and life calmed down. That is when it hit me.  I cried...a lot.  I just wanted my baby girl.  I wanted to hold her and see her smile.  I ...

During this time, I still had two small boys at home.  Luke would have been around 2 and Joey about 3 1/2.  I wouldn't let them do the d&c they wanted.  Looking back, I think my denial was so large that I just couldn't imagine it actually being true.  I really thought that she was fine.  This baby would be healed and a miracle.  My doctor sat down and talked to me.  He was trying to get it across to me that I was too far along.  The pain would be too great.  I wouldn't budge.  So, they sent me home with prescriptions for some large pain pills.  They also made me an appointment for 4 weeks away at the hospital.  If I did not miscarry naturally by that time, they would do the d&c to make sure I didn't get sick. For that month, I stayed busy during the day with my boys.  A constant prayer in my heart regarding my baby.   I got a few pats on the back from people saying they heard what happened and they were...

One never knows how news will affect us.  For my own family, it was just another Tuesday.  Another day at work.  Another day at school.  For friends of ours, it was a day changed their lives.  Friends of ours found out that their beautiful baby they are expecting next month has a rare disorder. The survival rate is low.  I know that God can work a miracle and heal her.  Times like these it is hard to say "Your will be done" when deep inside you just want everything to be alright. I cried all afternoon.  Cries from one mother for another mother intended for God's ears alone.  This news took me back to another day about twelve years ago.  A day that our own lives changed.  It was a normal check up.  My pregnancy was going great.  After being so sick for all nine months with the boys, I finally had a glow with a pregnancy.  :)  I had some cute little dresses ready.  A soft, lavender blanket just waiting fo...

The faith of a mustard seed. In Matthew 17:20, God assures us that is all that it takes to do the impossible. I love the story in Matthew 8.   A man asked Jesus to heal his servant.  Jesus said, "I will come and heal him."  The man goes on to say he is not worthy for Jesus to be under his roof, "but just the word only, and my servant will be healed."  This man's faith is so powerful.  He did not need proof.  He did not need Jesus to even touch his servant.  Just speak it Lord, and it will be done.  Even Jesus marveled at his great faith.  And because of his great faith, the servant was healed. To me, that is amazing.  You see my faith has grown through the years.  It has take a lot of trials in my life to build up my faith.  I don't know where my faith would be without those things.  Would I be like a babe needing milk?  Only beginning my journey and walk with God? Remember the story of the storm in Mat...