Journey With Jen

 I am now one of the 81, 610 people in the US that was newly diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2024.  That statistic is really the only one category I fit in.  Risk facts include smoking, high blood pressure, and obesity. (yeah, I am chunky, but I am not that chunky.  None of my doctors has said my weight was an issue)  The average age for kidney cancer is 67 with most diagnosis between ages 60 - 74.  This type of cancer is twice as common in Men.  And kidney cancer is more common in African American, American Indian, and Alaska Native  people.  So, if you look at all of the statistics of kidney cancer -- it should not be me.  I would have never gotten screened for it.  There are no flags popping up that would tell a doctor that I have kidney cancer.  Even my bloodwork showed my kidneys are working fine.   Honestly, that scares me even more.  There really is not any reason for me to have it.  Without having pa...

It is very telling when I log into my blog that I've always enjoyed writing and the last blog I actually posted was in 2018.  On my list there are three posts that I started to write in 2019, but I never finished... never posted.  Three posts with the same message of confusion.  Three pleas for God's help.  Three posts wondering why life has to be like this. Three posts wishing things were different. But guess what?  It's a new year.  My circumstances haven't changed. The same baggage that I just couldn't even bring myself to finish writing about is still here. However,  I have changed.  Not going to lie and say it's something dramatic like a butterfly emerging from it's cocoon.  This "butterfly" here is defiantly more moth like.  And honestly, I think I might still be in the cocoon.  Who knows?    What ever it is, I have finally realized something.  That no matter how bad the circumstances are... you still need ...

I was looking through a few of my old posts.  I usually write one the first day or two of the New Year about the upcoming year.  I try to pick a word for the New Year. Sometimes looking back, I get it right.  Other times, not so much. In 2009, our focus was forgiveness .  My father had been diagnosed with cancer and that year he was getting worse.  He passed away in November of that year.  Before he passed, we were able to talk everyday about the past and present.  We were able to have that time to work through things that were never talked about.  (big elephant in the room growing up which no one talks about kinda thing)  I treasure that time I was given with my Dad before he passed. "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.    Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."  Ephesians 4:31-32 2...

Luke (3rd), Joey (4th), & Faith (Kindergarten) My baby girl starting Kindergarten :( Luke (7th), Joey (8th), & Faith (4th) Another school year has begun. It's good, right? They are growing and learning and becoming the individuals that God meant them to be. Yet, I can't help but be a little sad at it going by so fast. My oldest is in junior high and taking pre-ap classes! Geez! Luke is the only one in middles school now. Then, there is my baby...my baby is in fourth grade now. My last one in elementary school! This year started a little different. Usually, Faith picks out her clothes the day before. (The boys you might ask ~ they never cared what they wore! I'm the one who cares if they match! LOL) She would start with her headband and earrings all the way down to the color her toes are painted. She never really dressed up for the first day. Faith would usually pick out carpis or maybe a skort ~ something she can play in! This year: t-shirt, shorts, a po...

Luke & Abby in 2007 Luke, Faith, & Abby in Jan 2011 Abby at Kindergarten Graduation, May 2011 It feels like just a blink of an eye. Time can go by so fast. Maybe it' me wishing for more Friday's so I can get to the weekends!! :) Yet ~ I can look back at pictures and it brings back memories of when they were younger. I love that picture of Luke and Abby. He was chasing her (again) outside and he finally caught her. The simple joy of a game of chase! Now, she's graduating kindergarten. Joey will be moving to jr. high. (aaahhhh!!!) Luke's moving to the seventh grade. (how did that happen?) And, my baby girl, Faith will be moving to the big hallway. The fourth and fifth grades. Seriously, yes, I am going to cry. I know it's corny. It's just that those kids in that hallway seem so....B I G. That can't be my baby girl! :( I will have three kids in three different schools for the first time. Kinda' sad... It won't be long when it's another grad...

Where I am ... It seems weird to be writing again. It has always been the easiest way for me to express myself, yet some how ~ it became lost. In high school, I wrote poetry trying to get my point across. Most of it, never read by others. Then, early twenties, it was the journal. Trying to figure out how my life got to that point and what to do with it now. I'd go to Hastings and buy a couple self help books, read, and journal. I figured out how to Forgive. I learned that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself. I also learned to Let Go. That hanging on to the pain is not true forgiveness, but you must let go so the pain and hurt have no control over you any longer. Looking back, I am amazed really that I got it at such a young age. That is when my relationship with God began. I know that God was there. Guiding me. Healing me. Forgiving me. I am glad that I learned about forgiveness and letting go then, so I no long carry the baggage from my past. My childhood. I...