Journey With Jen

 So many times we just take what doctors tell us without questioning.  Or, when we do question, we just accept their answer as gold.  While, I really don't believe that doctors would intentionally lead us astray.  However, I am the best advocate for my kids and myself.  I've always just had to read books, articles, find doctors, and push, push, push for my kids and my husband.  This time - it's all about me.   I am just trying to figure out how some one in the mid-forties gets a cancer that doesn't usually hit some one until their sixties or seventies.   I don't fit any of the kidney cancer criteria.  Is there any connection to my other diagnosis?  What the heck is going on in my gut area??   I know that I can't fully prevent cancer.  One mutated cell going crazy and multiplying is all that it takes.  There have been plenty of health nuts that have gotten cancer.  Marathon runners. Professional athletes...

 Back in March, when I first went to the doctor, my goal was just to start taking care of me.  I went and got bloodwork.  Found out that I was diabetic and went to the dietitian appointment that happens when your diagnosed.  Protein, protein, protein is of course what is pushed.  I did it and just felt terrible.  I stayed the course for a while thinking my body would adjust. Then, like I always do when I want to figure out something -  I went to the library and checked out several books on diabetes.  I found only two books that went a different direction.  They suggested that a plant based diet regulates blood sugar better.  That your body can digest it so much easier that you don't get the spikes in sugar levels.   Now, don't get me wrong -- vegan I will never be.  But incorporating a few more vegetarian type meals, that I can do.  So I decided that for breakfast and lunch - it would be less meat.  Which meant t...

Thinking about what's coming ahead does tend to make me nervous.  The unknowns.  The what ifs.  All of the pieces that have to come together.  Insurance...time off...recovery time...It really was SO much easier when I was on the other side of the hospital bed.  I have always been the one on in the waiting chair beside the bed. It was always my job to worry about all of that and figure out how to pay the bills.  Now, I have to worry about that AND be in the hospital bed.  I keep praying for God to work out all of the details.  For His hands to be in everything -- All of the details.   I can then let it go...for a while.  But the worry comes creeping back in. The mind keeps going down every rabbit hole.  I have an EKG and heart scans coming up before surgery.  What if they find something?  The first CT scan I went in for was supposed to confirm a hernia.  Instead she called me and told me I needed to come in that d...

 I got asked about those other moments.  The ones you have to process through when the word Cancer gets connected to you.  My friend wanted to make sure that I'm processing everything and don't burst later.  I assured them that I am not ignoring those times.  Those hard moments are still there.  It's nothing I can choose to put it off to the side.  The "Why Me?" question pops sometimes up when I'm thinking too hard about it.  I think of everything that's happened in my life and I wonder why?  But I can answer that question pretty easily.  Why not me?  There have been far greater people who has gone through worse. Not to minimalize what I've gone through --  from childhood abuse to holding everything together for many years as my husband got worse and passed.  There is a lot of crap in my forty something years. But I am not any better than the next person, so why not me? But the "what if" question -- now that gets to me....

 I am now one of the 81, 610 people in the US that was newly diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2024.  That statistic is really the only one category I fit in.  Risk facts include smoking, high blood pressure, and obesity. (yeah, I am chunky, but I am not that chunky.  None of my doctors has said my weight was an issue)  The average age for kidney cancer is 67 with most diagnosis between ages 60 - 74.  This type of cancer is twice as common in Men.  And kidney cancer is more common in African American, American Indian, and Alaska Native  people.  So, if you look at all of the statistics of kidney cancer -- it should not be me.  I would have never gotten screened for it.  There are no flags popping up that would tell a doctor that I have kidney cancer.  Even my bloodwork showed my kidneys are working fine.   Honestly, that scares me even more.  There really is not any reason for me to have it.  Without having pa...

In 2022, my word for the year was Breathe.  It was a hard couple years watching Kent's decline.  I needed a year to just Be...To stop...To rest... To mentally adjust to everything that I had gone though.   And figure out what a new normal might look like.  Last year my word was Wellness.  It was way past time to take care of me.  Walking a few more steps and eating a few more vegetables.  Add in a few doctor appointments.   This year, my word is Trust.  You see some of those doctor's appointments, didn't go as planned.  In October, I finally went to the doctor for some pain I was having in my lower abdomen.  Doctor said it must be an abdominal hernia.  No big deal.  Easy-Peasy surgery and I'll be good to go.  I was sent for a CT scan to confirm.  I really was not worried.  Doctor was confident that was the issue. Until that wasn't the issue.  It's never a good thing when doctor says they need ...

 I have to admit -- I am one of those Momma's that haven't taken very good of herself.  I've definitely put myself last for most of my life.  My kids, of course, always came first.  I love being a Momma.  While my kids were still young, my dad got cancer and my brother stepped away.  So it was on me to take care of.  My husband had his first heart issues at 39 years old.  Then, for the next 15 years he collected doctors, surgeries, and appointments.  My mom's crazy finally got diagnosed because I got her to a hospital by lying to her.  Once again, my brother bowed out.  The Lord knows it's been a lot.  I know that's why He protected me and this frail body for so many years.  I was holding things together for too many people. Who has time to fall apart?   As a mom, so many times we feel the weight of our little world right on our shoulders.  And we just keep going... keep pushing.  Doing this.  Goin...