Sometimes it is just too much...

There are times when it's hard to write.  Those moments when there is so much inside and there just doesn't seem to be a beginning point.  Those moments when I know that I really should be snuggled up in my covers sleeping but I have too much running through my head.  I look at the time and realize...yep, tomorrow is going to be a long day.

 "For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me"  Psalm 31:3

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God put those words on my heart one late night last week.  I never could finish it so I saved it as a draft.  It was just too much.  There were a few days week when I was not sure if my Grandmother would make it.  Yes, my head knows she is about 95 and has lived a long life.  But, my heart is not ready to let go.  A friend's mother..her cancer has come back.  A friend's father has terminal cancer.  Also, a precious little baby, Lily, has been on my heart constantly.  Her name has been in my thoughts each and every day from morning until I fall asleep at night.

Tonight I am thankful for the solid rock I stand on tonight.  Tonight, Ms. Lily has been healed.  She is in the arms of our Savior.  Her eyes are wide open and her mind is clear.  Her weak body has been traded for an everlasting one.  In her short life, she brought us all together.  In her short life, she knows what it means to be unconditionally loved both here and on the other side.  Lily has taught us not to take tomorrow for granted.  We must live in the here and the now.  We must support one another through the valleys of this life.

Yet, it is so hard to be here left on this side.  No words can truly comfort the loss of a child.  I feel like I should do something...anything....but there is nothing I can do, except continue to pray.  To fall on my knees, tears and all, and ask God to be in the middle of the situation.  My heart is broken tonight for Lily and her family, as I am sure many others are.  I love her and I want her to stay, but I don't want her to suffer.  And, I can't have it both ways.  I hand my broken pieces to God and let him put it back together again some how.  I know that God will heal my heart in time, but  it will not be the same.

Please pray join me in prayer for Lily's family.  I know that only way to get through this is with God's help and our prayers.