Hello....again....

 Four years since I last wrote.  Seems like a lifetime ago.  I wonder --- Does anyone even read or write blogs anymore?  I don't know, but here I go.  My life has changed so much....

Many times I wanted to write.  I would log in and want to share to everything I was going through.  To work through it with God's word in one hand and my computer in the other.  It's therapy for me in a lot of ways.  However, I just never felt like I could.  When your life is so connected to some one else, by telling my story, I would be telling theirs.  I didn't feel like I could or should.  Someday, I'll revisit the last few years.   

Because although there is great sadness, there is also hope. There are God's fingerprints in my life.  For I know that it is not by my strength that I have made it this far.  It is by His mercy and for His purpose.  By telling my story, I can pray that it reaches some one that needs to hear it.  There is nothing like feeling that you are totally alone.   Many times throughout the past four years, I have felt so alone.  I mentally knew that there are many that have gone through everything I have.  But when you are in the midst of the struggle, it does feel very lonely.  When you are being strong for everyone else, it gets very lonely.   But we are not alone.  It is just that so many of us bury the trials and tribulations that we go through.  When God might be wanting us to share our hard times to glorify all that He's done though you.  

So here I am.  I'm nothing if not honest.  Right now, in the midst of the week of Christmas - it's hard.  Some of our seasons of valley's are long.  Our trials are not always quick.  It's been a long time since I've felt like I was on top of the mountain.  Don't get me wrong -- I am not depressed.  But life has not been smooth sailing for a while.  I've learned one thing through it -- Life is about finding joy in the journey.  It's more than just some painted words on a Hobby Lobby sign.  Sometimes I want to yell.  I want to scream.  I want to cry.  And I do -- car rides, praising Jesus, with tears on my face.  But if I stay in that moment, I'll miss the flowers that God bloomed for me to see.  Or the mountains that He created.  Or the hug that I get every morning from a kindergartener that runs out of her car to find just me.  Or my Briggs yelling, "Tia!"  I have joy moments daily.  I know that God could take all the pain away.  I know that God could heal everything that needs to be healed in a blink of an eye.  But His way is better.  And because of that, I know that I don't walk alone.  Together, we will get through this valley while we take those moments to enjoy the sunshine, the fresh baked cookie, the sound of a river running over rocks, the laughter of your kids no matter how big they are, or what ever Joy God delivers to you.  Because you, my friend, are not alone either.  Just don't be so busy that you miss it.

Jen