A Look in the Mirror

"In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything
against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who
judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before
the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness
and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive
his commendation from God." 1 Corinthians 4:4-5

Take your time and read that again. Really... I'll wait right here.

It is so easy to look around this world and see so much wrong. Let's bring it closer to us...how about looking at your family, friends, and co-workers. We can see their faults and their sins. (at least the outside ones) However, these verses are not about them. It is about me and you.

It's about looking at that person staring back at you from the mirror. It's easy to look at the person and think, "oh, I'm a nice person" or "I try" or what ever words you might think. Just remember, we cannot judge ourselves. We always want to be...strive to be... something better than we are. It's like you really don't know what you look like until you see yourself in pictures and you think, "that isn't me!" It's easy to glance at our reflection and gloss over everything we've done and believe in our innocence. After all, those thoughts I was thinking didn't hurt anyone. That joke I told didn't hurt anyone either. I can look back at my day and realize that I was kind to others and didn't hurt anyone ~ that means I'm innocent right??

But, God ~ He knows us inside and out. He knows out thoughts and our intentions. God will bring forth all that we keep hidden underneath our plastic smiles. All of those things that we hide will be brought into the light. Not to say that only the bad things will have the spotlight. Our good will be there too. God knows not only what we are doing but why we are doing them. The 'why' is so important. Even the greatest charity, given for the wrong reason, loses value. Since we are humans, we will fall short. We are so selfish by nature. So much of our time is given to what we want and need instead of others. Luckily, we have a Savior that loves us despite our many faults. That is when Jesus steps in and says, "he is mine."

Real Friendship

"A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity. "
Proverbs 17:17

Let's face it ~ friendship is hard. Real friendship is hard anyway. We all have "friends" that are there to help make the day a little brighter. Friends that are we can have lunch with or go to a movie with. Conversations filled with small talk about the family or things going on in your life. The little stuff. . .

What about the big stuff? Who can you cry to when feel your world shifting? When marriages fail and you just need a tub of chocolate ice cream and a shoulder to cry? Or when you are up all night with a sick child and your other children need clean clothes? What about when you are watching a parent suffer from cancer? Those big things that are thrown at us in this life. Those moments when we are not our pleasant selves with a smile for everything. Those moment when we are angry and hurt and vulnerable. Those moments we don't want anyone to see. Who do you call? Who do you allow to see you like that? Your real friends. Those are the people that are allowed to see behind your mask.

It is hard. No one said that it would be easy. A friend ~ a real friend ~ loves at all times. Through the good times and the bad. This reminds me of marriage. Making it through the wedding and honeymoon are the easy part! It is all of those moments after that which really matter. Friends love us through those happy moments and the other ones as well. They become our family ~ our brothers or sisters. Sometimes more than our own flesh and blood family. Real friends are there through the adversity. God sends them to us to walk beside us through the flames. To sit on their knees and pray with us. To pray for us when we cannot find the words. True friendship . . . real friendship is so valuable. To have a friend such as that, we first must be a friend like that. We also must open ourselves to others to allow them that chance. Real friendship is a blessing we must never take for granted.

"Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't
learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."
Muhammad Ali

Rejoice in Sufferings

“More than that, we rejoice in
our sufferings, knowing that
suffering produces endurance,
and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope,”
Romans 5:3-4

Everyday I go to BibleGateway.com for the verse of the day. Today, this is the verse. God has a way of getting what you need to you. Today, this is what I needed. You see, my life hasn't been very smooth lately. (if you can't tell from my posts lately..lol) Life has been, well, for lack of a better word . . . hard. My roots, my hope, my faith is knowing that God has a purpose. That He is in control.

God has a way of stripping everything away. And if you have never been there, I am sure one day you will. My husband's job has gone from full time with lots of overtime to full time. Now, it's 4 days a week sometimes. The economy isn't getting any better. A year ago, we moved from our home to a 4 bedroom apartment. Which if you have lived in a house for any amount of time, you know how much stuff you can accumulate?!? Geez! We lived there over 10 years, so it was a lot of stuff. Through it, I felt that God was just trying to get rid of all of the stuff taking up room in our lives. We got rid of stuff and moved. Now, it is looking as if we might need to move again. I want to yell and scream and cry. . . not that this is so wonderful. But, I'm not big on change especially not for moving up.

My husband's job may not even last through Christmas. If it does, it will surprise everyone that is still left. What a thought. Right now, I'm working through the school system. My kids go to the schools that I prefer and I am able to pick up my kids everyday because I get off at 1. Their schools are very important for me. Luke got lost in a school that was majorly ESL. So, I've learned my lesson. My daughter's in gifted and talented and would be bored in some of the schools in the district. My best friend moved to Oklahoma recently. A major reason was because her son was not getting the help that he needed. She was told they passed him because he was white!! Geez!! As much as they might say every school is the same, I know that it is not. Another plus, I am off when they are. I love that part, but the pay stinks because I didn't finish my degree. (only 2 years of college..lesson learned) However, if I go back to work full time somewhere (that's saying I can find a job in this economy), I have to think about who picks up the kids after school. Plus, the two weeks for Christmas, spring break, and couple months during the summer. Most people I know, have grandparents that take the kids. We don't have that help. Both of our parents are older and not able to handle the kids on a daily basis. That means childcare for three kids. One of the three having autism. I just don't see that helping. I worked 8-5 for a year & a half not that long ago, it just left all of us frustrated and exhausted.

Right now, I'm just praying for something to open up for my husband. It is so hard to see some one with a good work ethic and is there everyday, become in this situation. Salaries that are enough for a family are hard to come by right now. Did you know that the cost of living has jumped high but the medium income has stayed the same since the late 80's?? Just sad... For now, our lease is up and we have to start collecting boxes. We cannot sign another lease which will put us even farther behind. I know in my heart, that God has a plan for us. . . again. I just wish I knew what it was. Of course, if I knew what it was ~ it would not be Faith. I always wonder why in life we have to struggle so much with money (the rich and the poor), yet money won't mean anything in Heaven. We won't even need it because God will provide all. Sounds wonderful to me!

Our Metamorphosis

"But now you must also rid yourselves
of all such things as these: anger,
rage, malice, slander, and filthy
language from your lips. Do not lie
to each other, since you have taken
off your old self with its practices
and have put on the new self, which
is being renewed in knowledge in the
image of its Creator." Colossians 8-10

We each are in our own transformation. Our own metamorphosis. Our situations leave us changed. As people come in and out of our lives, we are changed. I am not the same person I was ten years ago. Or even five years ago. Nor am I the same person I was a couple months ago. I have changed, just as you have.

Each day there are opportunities that may never come again. Each day is a new beginning filled with promise. . . and hope. Each day gives us a chance to grow a little more. Strengthen our faith a little more. Show love and kindness to others. Lean on God a little more. To become more like our Creator. That is our journey.

That is a tough act to follow. Sometimes I'm too tired to stand guard and be alert. Sometimes my own selfish wants start to take over. Sometimes...well, I am just not far enough in my walk...not strong enough in my journey...to do what I should. This is where God's grace covers my sins. This is when God's strength helps me push through.

So, please remember those times when I don't make that bar or that standard that you believe I should make ~ I'm not perfect. When words of anger or slander come out of my mouth ~ I'm just a sinner. I'm on a journey, growing and changing everyday. I'm not the same person I was. One day, I will change from a caterpillar crawling on this earth and fly free as a butterfly into heaven.

"Why??"

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your
ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are
higher than the earth, so are my ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts." ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

I was looking through my online photos and ran across this picture from the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. Each chair represents a person who died there. There were 19 children among the 168 that died that day in 1995. The children's chairs are the smaller ones across the grass. It is a very moving memorial honouring those who perished. When I look at the loss and the pain that is here, right now, in this world ~ it is easy to wonder. . .

W H Y ? ?

As I flip on the news or look in the newspaper, that question pops in my head. Just yesterday, there were 3 people in the obituaries that were in their 40's. Parents still alive. Small children yet to raise. Yet, there earthly lives are no more. I have a friend that has lost two of her children. Cancer is everywhere. Layoffs are still happening. So much pain and suffering. So many hardships. There are times in my own situation where that three letter words pops in my head. My childhood and all that happened to me. A miscarriage at 5 months along. My Dad passed away of cancer. My brother lives right here but I haven't seen him in 2 years. Medical bills that keep coming. My son that has to deal with autism, asthma, food allergies, and now a heart condition. Why? Why? Why??

I have learned (and still learning) that the question "why" usually doesn't get answered by God. It doesn't need to be. God is love. Period. He doesn't allow things to happen because He's asleep and it slipped past Him. He knows exactly what's going on in your life and mine. It doesn't mean that I still don't ask it. (as I am sure that you do!) It doesn't mean that my path is clear, with daisies growing, the sound of a river in the background, and a cloudless sun in the sky. As trials come into my life, that question still pops in my head. But, I know that God sees the big picture. He looks at not just today, but thirty years from now. He looks not only at my life, but the life of my children's children. Through it all, I must remember that God loves us. So, I think that is God's answer. When we come to Him as small children at His feet, look upon the face of Jesus, and ask, "Why?" I imagine His answer is, "because I love you."

Pass the Blessings

God knows when we are tired. He knows when we need a little hope. I've been feeling a bit worn out. . . physically and emotionally... in need of a little hope. God can supply this through others. This Saturday was filled with soccer as usual lately. Afterwards, we went to get some pizza for lunch with my niece and her parents. We ran into some friends my husband and brother-in-law grew up with. They left and the waitress told us that our tab was taken care of. They bought our lunch.

I know they didn't think much about it, but it reminded me of God's love. God's care. Hope, that even in the midst of the anniversary of 9/11, good is still out there. I know, I know ~ it's lunch. But, it wasn't something they had to do. It wasn't something expected of them. It's going a little extra for others. When is the last time that you went out of your way for some one else? Not for their birthday... just for no reason at all.

God might be trying to use you to bless another person. Are you the person getting in the way of God's blessings to some one else?? So, I'm on the lookout... I'm going to be passing the blessing along. No, it probably won't be buying lunch. Maybe I could make dinner for someone that might need it. Maybe I could run some errands for another. I don't know yet. I just know that I'm open. I just know that I here, Lord, for You to use.

"God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love
you have shown him as you have helped his people and
continue to help them." ~ Hebrews 6:10

Just Tired. . .

Today, I find myself . . . tired.
Tired of the job...
Tired of the bills...
Tired of the kids fighting...
Tired of the dealing with the schools...
Tired of walking on glass...
Tired of the hatred and bigotry in this world...
Tired of the death and sickness in this world...
Just exhausted physically and mentally

Where else could I go?

There is but One that knows my heart inside and out. There is only One that knows not only my actions, but my thoughts as well. There is only One that can renew my strength when I am weak.

I find my greatest strength is not in me. There is nothing miraculous that I can do on my own. I am one flawed human! :) My greatest strength is found in who lives in me. God chose to live in the hearts of His believers. Only God can heal my weariness. Only God can renew my strength. Only God . . .

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely
and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and
free me from my anguish." ~ Psalm 25:16-17

Prayer

God answered Solomon, 'Because this was in your heart, and you have not asked possessions, wealth, honor, or the life of those who hate you, and have not even asked long life, but have asked wisdom and knowledge for yourself that you may govern my people over whom I have made you king, wisdom and knowledge are granted to you. I will also give you riches, possessions, and honor, such as none of the kings had who were before you, and none after you shall have the like.' 2 Chronicles 1:10-12

What an awesome example of a heart dedicated to the love of Christ. For Solomon doesn't ask for things of this world: not wealth or fame; nor honor or health. He asked God for wisdom and knowledge. It makes me stop and think about what I'm asking for.

KLRC was talking about prayer one morning on the way to work. (It's Christian radio)Some one even brought up praying for something as small as a good parking spot. The DJ said that it would be hard for her pray about something as trivial as that when there are children in Africa starving. I understand that. Seriously, I could use the walk up to the store!! LOL :) I have never asked God for good parking, but I know there are things of less importance that have been spoken from my lips in prayer.

Yet, God wants to be a part of all that we do! He knows our hearts. Therefore, He knows our needs and wants. There are times in this world when we cannot distinguish between them. Our wants somehow get crossed over to our needs list. It is part of our human nature. It gets harder and harder to keep up with everyone else, you know? So, why try?? Because honestly ~ they are trying just as hard to keep up with you!!

Some days I'm so far from jut keeping up with everyone that I think I'm on the wrong track! "I just wish . . . " Yep, I know. Been there. Done that. If fact, I've probably said those three words today at some point. "I just wish . . ." What? that the car would start? that the bills were paid? that dog didn't just pee all over the floor? We all have days like this.

So, no matter what extreme you find yourself in at this moment: keeping up with the neighbors or wishing things were different, remember this ~ God is there through it all. If your greatest need right now is a decent parking spot because it's pouring down rain and you have a job interview ~ Ask your Father. If your greatest need right now is watching a family member deal with cancer ~ Ask your Father. We do have the greatest Father that is willing to help us. He has patience and grace. He won't even roll His eyes at your silly requests. Just Ask. . .

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ~ Colossians 3:17

September 11

Do you remember what you were doing that Setember 11th day? Do you remember where you were? I was working in a coffee shop in Rogers at that time blissfully unaware of the events. My boss always had the radio on some classical stuff that had no commercials. My husband came in with my two boys in tow and told us. My boss turned the music off and put on a normal radio station. I couldn't believe it.

Then, when I got home, I immediately turned on the television. I just watched the towers fall down over and over again. Should I mention that I was pregnant with Faith? I cried so much. Songs on the radio. Watching the news. Just thinking about it could bring me to my knees. No, I didn't know anyone there. I have no family in New York. But I felt bonded ... connected ... just as so many other people across the country. I wanted to protect my children, born and unborn, from everything. My husband was worried that I was making myself sick and would change the channel and try to watch something funny. Yet, it was always there...

My oldest and I watched the documentaries last year during this time. I was able to say, "yes, I remember that..." It was a time the country became One Nation Under God. When helping another person became important. It was time when Heroes did not wear spandex, but fireproof helmets. It was a time when churches filled with people searching for God and hope... and reasons. I wonder where those people are now.

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalm 9:9-10

Growing Roots

"Can papyrus grow where there
is no marsh? Can reeds flourish
where there is no water? While
yet in flower and not cut down,
they wither before any other plant.
Such are the paths of all who
forget God; the hope of the
godless shall perish." Job 8:11-13

This verse goes on to tell us, "what they trust is in fragile and what they rely on is a spiders web." Think about that for a moment. To rely on a spiders web. Spider webs are strong enough to hold the spider and catch it's prey. It is strong enough for the day to day routine. Yet, when strong wind...or a strong storm comes, it's gone. Nothing is left. The same is true with reeds without water. They cannot grow and flourish. They wither and die without the life support of water.

That is also true about us without Christ. A strong wind in our lives and we are left with nothing. Without Christ we cannot become the person we are supposed to be. Can you imagine waking up everyday thinking that this is it? That this life is all we got? What hopelessness that would be! So many people walk around with this hopelessness sitting on their shoulders everyday. No wonder suicide was the 11th cause of death in the United States in 1999. I am sure that the number has grown in the last 12 years because this world is not getting any better. The unemployment rate is over 9% in the United States. Cancer is running rapid and filling up prayer lists everywhere. I cannot imagine going through this with out the hope of Christ daily.

How do we become stronger? How do we grow roots in Christ that will wither the storms this life will throw at us? One of the most important places a Christian can be is on their knees. Prayers going out to the only one that can help us. Constant communication with our Maker. One of the best times I talk with God is in the car after I drop the kids off at school and I am driving to work. There is no wrong or right time. There is no wrong or right way. Anytime and anyplace you are ~ God is there waiting to hear from you. As we learn to trust Him ~ to believe in Him ~ our faith grows.

We still must make our roots deep, not just plenty. However, that process is not always a pleasant one. Did you know that tree roots grow deeper as the go through drought? The roots dig a little deeper in search of water. If water is plentiful, their roots are shallow and the tree can easily fall over. The same is true for us. When life is a wonderful ride, it is easy to take our blessings for granted. To put God on the back burner. (Even though He deserves SO much better from us!!) As we go through periods of trials, our roots and faith shall become stronger and deeper. We remember God has been there the whole time. Our roots grab onto the rock of Christ. And our faith will hold us, even when the web of this world falls away.