Wishing . . .

I've learned that wishing doesn't change things. Wishing does not cure cancer. Wishing does not fix heart problems. Nor does it cure Autism. Wishing doesn't make your problems go away. But, I believe that wishing is still good for you. It is still needed. Wishing and dreaming are both products of HOPE.

Hope is what we need to make it through the difficulties. Hope is what keeps us going step by step through it. Hope is why we keep looking up ~ looking for the horizon. Believing that God will pull us through... maybe not today or tomorrow.. but God will provide our needs.

So, today, I am wishing...and dreaming...and hoping. Today my faith will carry me through another day.

Day By Day

Right now, I am learning to accept God's plan. Although right now, His plan isn't looking all that great. I know His plans are for the long term. Mine are for the right now. God did give us a place to live. We went to look at a duplex Saturday morning. And as God would do it, Kent grew up with his kids and has know this person his whole life basically. So, we even got the key so we could move this weekend. I am SO exhausted physically and mentally. The idea of having no place for my kids to come home to is scary. Then, learning to accept what your given is difficult sometimes.

So, now we are mostly moved in. We have a few things to finish up. It is smaller than the nicer place we found and almost moved in to. It also has paneling in the living room. And, it has a tiny ~ almost no existent ~ kitchen. But, I believe this is where God wants us right now... for some reason. (what's the chance of knowing some one and getting the key the same day?? that's a God thing!) Yes, acceptance is coming in small phases! LOL :) Someday maybe I'll have a big kitchen that I've always wanted. For now, I'm trying to unpack. Trying to keep my chin up.

Kent's job is still around 32 hours. He is still working his part time job as well. Although we don't even know what his payday is! I am still working in the school cafeteria. Once things settle, I'll start job looking again. I'm going to have to find something that actually gives a pay check to help out. Things used to actually stretch and the kids were little. So, it was a great job. Right now, with this economy, the stretching is about done. I need to do my part to help my family. Through it all, I know that my heavenly Father has a plan. For that, I am thankful.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Life Un-Masked

I know that God doesn't send troubles or cause the stuff in our lives. But, I do know that everything that happens to us passes over God's desk figuratively. It gets stamped "ok" sorta speaking. I guess that is why it is so hard to accept sometimes. Because as much as I pray for help and want out of the situation ~ I am still here. As much as I try to get out of it, I keep falling down. God helps those that help themselves right? So, I look around trying to figure out what, if anything, am I supposed to learn from this?? I gotta be at this point in my life for some reason.

Maybe it is because I wasn't at rock bottom before. I always saw a glimpse of the light before. I could see the end. Who knew that it wasn't the end that I was seeing because another mountain was ahead! Who knew these struggles would last on and off for years now? Well, God did but I had no clue. While other families are planning vacations and starting to buy for Christmas, we are wondering how to make it to the next week.

I know ~ maybe that's a little too honest. But maybe that is what God wants. To take the mask off and just be real. You see, my husband's job is very insecure and hours are being cut. So, we knew that we were going to have to find something cheaper. Found a nice place, paid deposits, got utilities turned on in our name, started moving in all week, went in to sign the lease today and we got denied. Why? We have one too many kids.

Seriously?? They never mentioned all week when we had the keys and moving in there was a child limit. Plus, around here, there are TONS of multiple families living in one place. (neighbors for example!) What is one family with three kids?? I'm just so confused and scared. I've never been here before. We are not one to go out and put our kids on ArKids and food stamps and all that government help. We just want to be able to provide for our family. Maybe have a little left over to go out to eat once a week. Or go on vacation once a year as a family. Buy my kids clothes as they out grow things. Simple things. Things that many families take for granted and don't even think about.

Right now, I just have to trust God. He closed that door for some reason. My husband did find a part time job this week. That is a blessing. Although one day a week won't be helping much, we are praying that his hours increase. I am job looking. I'd like to find a 5am-2pm shift, so I can still be there for my kids as much as possible. I am ready to get through this hard part. I am ready to see the light once again. With God all things are possible. Even though I don't understand and even through tears may fill my eyes. I will still still believe.

Bigger Than Me

What I am going through today: it's not about just me. It is SO much bigger than me. I am just a small piece in the puzzle of life. I'm not even a corner piece holding things together. Just a little piece off to side. But ~ to God ~ I am important.

To God ~ My JOYS multiply.

To God ~ My TEARS matter.

To God ~ My PURPOSE is known.



You see, my life is bigger than me. Like a child, I look to my Father in Heaven for help and guidance. What I am realizing is, how other's eyes are watching me. My children's eyes watch how I deal with stress, anger, and disappointment. Not only them, but other's as well. Family. Friends. What do they see? Do they see my faith daily in my actions and words? Do they see me praising God through the storms? Or always wishing things were different?

The trials of this life are bigger than you and I. We are just a small piece in God's puzzle of life. God picture would be incomplete without us. He loves us and we are important. But, we are just that: one piece. We are not the picture on the puzzle nor the corners holding it together. God is. For He is bigger than it all. And because of that, my life is bigger than me.

Acceptance in Relationships

We are starting a new series in Sunday School about relationships. Reading through this weeks verses (Ruth) really made me think about what are we looking for in relationships. I believe that it boils down to acceptance and trust.

That is what I am looking for as I am searching. They don't have to love me or even like me really. Just accept me ~ warts and all. I don't pretend to be something that I am not. This is it. And, if we are to move past that stage of our relationship, we must have trust. We must trust one another to truly be there for one another. In those moments, in the middle of the mess of life, to have those you trust around you. Isn't that what we are looking for? And, once there is acceptance and trust ~ love for one another follows.

I was trying to find a different verse that talks about this. Most of the time John 13:34 is mentioned: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Which is a great verse! I just wanted to find more.

Romans 15:7 "Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed
you, for the glory of God."

Wow! If we could do that for others! Think of that for a moment. Think about that moment when we finally make it through and Christ opens His arms for you. That welcoming. There won't be any hesitation or second thoughts. That is how we should welcome others. With love in our hearts. There isn't any hidden agenda. No one is looking down upon others. Just acceptance.

John 6:37 "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever
comes to me I will never cast out."

ALL that I am given ~ I will share. The blessings poured out to me ~ I will share. Isn't that beautiful? What a wonderful way to look at others. No one is cast out. Everyone is accepted. Each person you meet today ~ they are looking for the same things you are. It unites us. And, if Christ lives within me, if my body is the temple for God ~ am I accepting others as He would do??

God Can't Sleep

"Life is a broken road. For some the road becomes too much to
bear. The constant jarring and unexpected turns drain their
souls. They give up somewhere along the way. The give up on
love, they give up on their futures, they give up on God. But
know this: It's God's road for your life. You don't walk alone.
The Christ walks with you." Palmer Chinchen, PhD

That is so true. We have all known people who gave up some where along the way. Even those who you visited with at church on Sunday ~ then, went missing for the next few weeks. Those who come every once in a while as they drift farther and farther away. Until it is easier not to come at all. Maybe their journey got too hard. Maybe they became more like the world...loved more of the world...than those things of God. For everyone has a different story and face a different circumstances. It is not for me to know. Yet, there is one thing that is true.

You don't walk alone. It does not matter where you are right now. You could be floating high or down in the valley. God is there through it all. The one constant that is true. At times, it is hard to feel His presence but it is not because He has moved. He is like the sun in the center of everything. We are the ones in constant movement physically and emotionally. We are the ones that have moved away. Or too clouded by our circumstance to feel His love and strength.

So, even in those moments...don't give up on your faith. Keep going. One prayer at a time. God understands the cries of your heart ~ even when words are cannot be formed. Believe that God has a plan for your life. Through those moments ~ He is molding you into the person your supposed to be. And, His is walking beside you through the difficulties until you reach the other side.

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the
everlasting arms" ~ Deuteronomy 33:27

Life's Bumps

"This world is not my home
I'm just a passin' through
My treasures are laid up
Somewhere beyond the blue..."

Do you remember this hymn? I haven't sung it in a long time, but it's been stuck in my head lately. Maybe it is because this world is feeling more and more not home. Of course, you tend to feel more like this as trials hit closer to home. It's easier to just keep going when there isn't any bumps in the road.

Lately, there have been bumps. Major bumps. I just keep thinking this will be the end of it. Surely that light at the end of the tunnel is just ahead. The fog will be melted away by the suns rays. Any of those imagery you want to insert here. :) Then, something else happens.

You see ~ I am one of those boring people by nature. I have always wanted a home to have family and friends come over often. (Not the nowadays often, but the come over and play some domino's or cards on Fridays kinda' often. Were our kids are raised together.) Always have an open door and open arms. The person that has lived in their home, raised their kids there, and spoiling grand kids there as well. (wayy in future!!) A place where my nephew & nieces want to come and stay awhile. The kinda person that has their roots planted deep not in things ~ but the people who matter. The home, well, it is just a vessel for those memories and connections. That is, well, who I am on the inside.

Right now, that has been stripped away. At least that is what is feels like. My husband is down to 32 hours a week. He is the next one to be laid off. I remember the days of overtime and an actual savings account. Now we have to wonder how utilities will be paid. We have to pack up and once again move. I SO hate moving. It is not in my nature. I am thankful that I work for the school system so my kids can keep going to their schools.

I really don't understand why we must go through this. (Do any of us at the time?)That is just me being honest. Don't most people only get a few burdens to bear at a time?? Isn't having to move into an apartment last year bad enough? (SO hard for me) I know, I know ~ I am whining. Yes, throw me a pity party. I know in my head it could be worse. My kids are all here with me. But, my heart, well. . . it aches tonight.

"Trust in the Lord forever,
For the Lord God is an everlasting
rock." Isaiah 26:4

Shadow of Your Wings

"For you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me."
Psalm 63:7-8

Isn't that beautiful? I do love Psalms. In the shadow of His wings. What does that tell you? It tells me that He will protect us. Like a stranger in a strange land, we can curl up in a ball ~ we can hide behind Him. This world is not meant for us. Once you start feeling more and more at home here ~ that is when you are getting farther and farther from God. This world brings does bring joy and friendship. It also brings hardship and sadness. Times when I just don't understand why at all. (I know..I know...I'm not supposed to know why, we already discussed that! LOL) But, the human side of me still asks that question. Why do children have to suffer with disease? Why do wonderful women have trouble conceiving? Or mothers have to go through the pain of a miscarriage? Why does cancer have to effect so many people? Why does my husband's full time job end up a part time job? (soon to be laid off) Those are the struggles on my heart I hide myself behind Christ. When God is my shield.


Through it all, we can sing for joy. Tears may be going down our cheeks. Our words might not be understood by anyone but Christ. But, joy can still be found. Why? Because His right hand will uphold us. Our strength comes not from us, but God! We have some one to lean on. Some one to protect us in ways we cannot understand. Some one who sees the whole picture and knows what we must go through to get where we need to be. We have some one who has our back.

AND ~ our future! That is why I can still have joy!

When Love's Not Returned

Kinda blunt and to the point, huh? Some one posted this on Facebook and I actually kinda like it. Well, maybe "like" is not the right word. I understand it. One of those things where I've been there ~ done that. There are several people through the years that I've cared about. I've given them pieces of me. . . of my heart. And, afterwards, found out that they never really wanted it to begin with. Haven't we all done that?

My brother is a good example. Sad, isn't it? That the first one that pops in my head after reading that, would be a relative. If he wanted to be a part of my life, my children's lives, he has had opportunities. But, I can't give up that hope that something will change his mind and his heart. I still send him invites for the holidays and cook outs. I've baked a basket full of cookies and bread every year for Christmas for several years now. Looking honestly though, it has been two years since I've seen him... and we live in the same town. My husband has told me that I must like rejection to keep doing it year after year. He would have written him off long ago.

In some ways, maybe my husband is right. I want that relationship. I want a brother (or sister) that I can call up. Some one that shares the childhood that we both went through. A family member that will be there when the world is falling apart. When my Dad went to the doctors and had tests run with his cancer, it was just me up there. I wanted my big brother there. He wouldn't even return my phone calls. He wouldn't come. So, in many ways, I feel like an only child who longs for their sibling. I have several friends that were only children and as things happened with their parents and families ~ they did go through it alone. I had a brother, but he chose not to be there.

When you read that sign, do you have some one come to mind? A friend? A family member? There have been friends through the years that I can also relate too. Friends that I was there for who left when I needed them. (just part of growing up I believe) Friends that you find out later ~ were never your friend at all. (also part of growing up) Maybe it's a family member like my brother. Maybe it's your parents with a messy divorce. Maybe it is the in-laws that do not accept you. It is true that if some one wants to be a part of your life ~ my life ~ they will find a way. Through their decisions and actions we will know where we stand with them. Just as they will know by how we treat them. Isn't it true that you make time when it's important? Or at least make plans? The hard part is, we must decide of what to do when we want some one in our lives and they do not want us. Because I have learned through the years that it doesn't matter how much you want a relationship to work ~ it takes two people. So, it is your choice if you love love others even when it's not returned. Or if it is time to love them (and yourself) enough to let them go.

Proverbs 27:6
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of the enemy"