Autism. . .

Autism

Just a word...like many others.... six little letters strung together. Yet, what difference it can make. I kind of bypassed the denial stage. I knew something was wrong between 3-4 years old. Most people thought he was just immature for his age. So, I went searching. Checked out books and books ...and yes, more books. Between 5 & 6 years, his autistic tendencies only happened at home. Teachers wouldn't believe me. Doctor's in Little Rock didn't believe me. Yet, in one of the books, there was a boy with high functioning autism. He could hide it enough from the outside world, that he didn't get diagnosed until he was late teens. It reminded me of Luke. I found out what is was! It also gave me pointers on how to curb the meltdowns. What was "normal" and was wasn't. So many things I've learned through the years. So many adjustments and misconceptions, by family and friends and teachers. (even now) But, honestly, I didn't know anything about special needs before. I had to learn. I didn't think I could ever handle a special needs child. That was for other people who were more patient. More kind. More ....everything. Yet, God must have seen something in me that I didn't see. I'm growing and becoming the person that I am supposed to be. I've learned that sometimes you have to fight. (I am not a fighter, I don't like conflict) But, I am the only person in all of his IEP meetings who knows Luke and knows what he needs and what he doesn't need. I have to stand up for him. He's had some wonderful teachers, but it is my job to represent Luke. I've learned some patience, not as much I'll have at the end of this journey, but more than where I started. I've learned how to truly give it to God, for He knows every tear I cry and every meeting I'm in. I know that I make mistakes because I am learning too. This on the job training has good days and bad. But, I know that I do it with love in my heart. Luke told one time around Mother's Day, "Thank you for fighting for me." I asked him what he meant and he told me that I'm the one that talks to his teachers for him and has "lots of meetings" for him. A mother's love just keeps going ~ through the good days and the bad ones.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

One of the hardest part about Luke's autism is how smart he is on the inside. How much he longs to be "normal". How he knows that he's different. How he wants to understand science and history, if some one could explain it to him instead of making his read a book that he doesn't understand. So many children with special needs are in their own world and they don't understand that they are different. Luke knows. While I am VERY thankful that Luke isn't so severe, it has been a painful process as he grown older and the differences are more clear. He has come out and asked me with tears in his eyes why God made him so different. I told him that God makes everyone different and that He has a plan. I know there is a reason...we are just on this journey together.

I'm reading another book about autism right now. It's called, "Healing our autistic children" by Julie Buckley. It has really opened my eyes. I've read a couple books about the diet of children and how it can impact their autism. They were all very severe children in those books and it seemed to lessen the "fog". It didn't give me any insight or other signs to look for in high functioning children, so I didn't think much more about it. I am learning so much in this book! I will have to share with you once I'm done some of what I'm learning. I ordered my own copy of the book so I could underline and highlight what I need. This is taking us in another direction ...another journey.