Journey With Jen

Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows.  Sometimes it's just barely making it through the day.  Some days are more like a tornado tearing through your life.  Then there are days when you feel like the rain will never end.  I've learned that we are all books with different covers.  Covers... can hide something you don't want others to see.  Yet, you hope that some one will want to open it up and know what's on the inside. Covers can hide many things.  There is of course, the beauties that are only skin deep.   There are the athletes that seem so confident but struggle with believing in themselves.  There are smart ones that feel like that will fail at everything and then get too scared to try.  There are ones that are will do anything to make some one love them.  There are also the happy ones that cry when no one is looking.  No one's life is picture perfect.  There are moments of perfection to savor and look back on...

Some days it is easy to find the blessings around you.  Those days where you feel your bucket overfilling spilling over.  When you just glow with happiness. You turn on the radio and it's that song you love that you haven't heard in a while.  Those days when your kids remember to say, "thank you" or "love you Momma." Those days were your gas tank isn't low and the roads are long. Then, there are the other days..... The days when the stupid alarm won't let you sleep and it's only 5:30.  Or the other days when it some how lets you sleep and you only have 30 minutes to get everyone up and be at work.  Those days when no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to do anything right... and there are plenty of people to let you know about it.  Those days where you end the day not physically tired, but emotionally drained.  done. exhausted. The white flag is now raised, I give up.  Please leave me alone.  Let me curl up in a ball so no one can se...

It's been around 24 days since schools been out.  I am realizing a few things.  The days of staying up until 3 am finishing a book are gone.  I'm old and my eyes are way too blurring at 3 am to be reading small print.  I realize that without a list of things to get done... I am way too easily sidetracked.  :D  I have done nothing of that "oh, I'll get that done during the summer" list.  I have done a lot of hiking.  I have gone to little towns I've never been before.  I have cheered at some soccer games.  I have tried Hurts Donuts and Burton's Creamery.  I have wondered in local book stores.  I've played in the Buffalo River a few times already.  Nothing fancy, but good days. I look at my kids and I know all of it is about to change.  Joey is starting his second year of college.  Next summer, he wants to be a counselor at YoungLife camp for  month out of state.  Luke will be working full time soon....

My kids have been giving a hard time about being judgemental lately.  Telling me that I am such a judgemental person.  But, I beg to differ.  I really am pretty open.  Tattoos, long hair on guys, weird fashion statements....what ever.  May not agree with having a tattoo of an eye on your bald head but if you can live with it, then so can I.  Not to get political, but I even figure that it is not my right to judge whether it is right or wrong to be gay.  I'll let God decide that.  It is not for me to judge.  The Bible says to love your neighbor.  You can't do that if your condemning them to Hell from across the street.  There is one thing that I know I am judgemental on. Girls that dress slutty.  I just want to slap the girl's momma's or ask the adults "did you even look in the mirror??"  Okay, girls if you are walking around with a wedgie -- your shorts might be too tight.  Seriously, it doesn't even look comfort...

This school year has gone by so fast.  As my kids get older, it seems to go faster.  Hoping at some point that time will once again slow down again.  The whole take time to smell the flowers kinda thing.  I have a yard full of irises, lilies, and peonies but not home very long to actually enjoy them. I am not going to complain though.  I wouldn't want it any other way... most of the time. I have a senior again this year.  (Proof that God does have a sense of humor!  Seriously, have a 8 month old and find out your pregnant again!  hahaha.... after the tears!!)  It's is different from Joey's senior year.  Joey's there was A LOT of tears because there was the lots of "lasts".   His last time marching in the stadium for the last performance on the football field.  His last play.  His last spring concert.  You get the picture.  I was dehydrated before graduation!!  Luke's has kind of been the quite senior year....

One of the facts of my life right now:  my kids are big.  That does come with some perks.  No fighting over what clothes to wear...most of the time.  No more Bob the Builder (Luke), Dora the Explorer(Faith), or Bear in the Big Blue House(Joey) playing loudly through the house.  Although, I didn't mind watching Sponge Bob.  There isn't anymore getting frantically shook at 5 am on Christmas morning.  Nor is there playing at the park and pushing swings.  okay....that seriously went to sad and depressing.  :( It is a part life that I am slowly accepting.  The good and the bad.  As my kids grow and change, it also changes me.  When my kids were small, teenagers seemed like they were from another planet and that stage of life really intimidated me.  I am on my third teenager now and I am like "bring it!"  Okay -- not everyday.  But there are some days I can say that!! :D  And being around 10 or more teenagers...

"Life with God is not immunity from difficulties, but Peace in difficulties."  --  C.S. Lewis Where would we be without the strength and comfort of God?  I honestly don't understand how the non-believers make it through life.  Our life can be hard at times:  kids, parents, relationships, financial, health...the list can go on and on.  And if this life is all that there is, why keep going? I did not grow up in church or in a family that prayed or even talked about God.  Did they believe in God? I am not sure.  I had friends that went to church but I never had a relationship with God myself.  For me, there was a very distinct line in my life: before God and after.  I grew up with abuse in my home.  There was always the big elephant in the middle of the room that no one dared mention.  I couldn't even tell my friends. There was little hope and I didn't understand why this happened to me.  Why is this my life? I had ...