Five Minute Friday: Empty

I'm linking up today with Gypsymama.  Five minute Fridays.  Five minutes are writing from the heart.  No editing.  No worring if it's right or wrong.  This Friday's topic:  EMPTY.

Here I go...

My brother has been on my heart even more lately.  He lives right here.  So close...yet so far.  We have had a rough childhood.  No way around it.  I know that we each handle things differently.  And...at different times.  But, the one thing I also know  ~  this pain.  this anger.  this confusion.  All those emtions that he has been dealing with since childhood, cannot be cured by hanging on to it. 

That anger and hurt can only be emptied.  Handed over to God.  It's too much for us.  But, God can take it and He can handle it.  We must be empty so that we may be filled with God's love and blessings.  It does take time to go through the process.  I just pray that God will work on my brother.  That this process of healing can begin somehow....though someone.  Once you hand over all of the pain to God ~ those blocks on your shoulders are gone.  That pain some one caused you might still be in your mind sometimes....but it no longer has power to hurt you any longer. 
To be empty is to be Free..

TIME
only two paragraphs in 5 mintues? I'll have to continue this later.(:

Life Vs. Fairytale

Life isn't always what you plan.  To be honest ~ not much turns out like I plan.  Maybe a batch of cookies or a cake...yes.  Follow the steps and usually you get what the recipe says.  It's not like I start out making coconut cake and end up with a pan of enchiladas.  ;D

Sitting here, I can think back to what I thought my life would be.  I thought I'd finish college and be an elementary teacher, get married sometime, have four kids, and live happily ever after.  My life now is filled with teenagers (you some how forget those sweet precious babies turn into teens!!), dishes, laundry, bills, work...and autism.

Just one of the many things in life that was not in my plans.  Teenagers can be difficult.  I've been told by many seasoned mothers that if you don't kill them ~ it does get better.  In a few years, those hormones balance out and those mouthy moments become less and less.  But, when you add autism in the mix, the balance can really go crazy. 

When Luke was smaller, he would have meltdowns when he would have enough.  On the floor crying is where he would be.  It didn't matter where we were.  Enough was enough.  Although he is bigger, there are still moments when enough is enough.  (don't we all have those moments?)    Meltdowns still happen (about 3 a week) just luckily they are not falling to the floor.  Others who didn't know better, would just say he is cranky during that time.  I can see it in his face when its just cranky or a meltdown waiting to happen.  School...life...is so hard for him.  I just wish....so many things.  I've learned that wishing doesn't help.  Prayer does.

Autism is not just hard on Luke.  Hubby doesn't understand it.  I don't know why it is.  I just know that statically men have a harder time with disabilities than women do.  When Luke was 2-3 and I felt something was wrong, I read and read.  Book after books...ideas after ideas.  I didn't got through denial.  I knew something wasn't right and I needed to find how to help him.  Kent thought I was over reacting for a long time.  (He still thinks I over react.)

There is also Luke's older brother.  I believe that every child always thinks the siblings get away with everything.  Let's not forget that everything is not fair.  (so tired of hearing that!)  I've gotten to where I say that, "nope, it's not fair."  I've explained things time and time again.  Rationally.  Calmly.   But, all it takes is for me to let Luke get away with one thing because he's on the verge of a meltdown ~ suddenly, chaos happens.  No, it's not fair.  There is so much in life that is harder for Luke.  There is so much that Luke may miss out on.  (and already has!)  No, life is not fair.  Lord, please, help Joey to understand your plan.  Help me Lord to see things from Joey's perspective as well.

My little fairytale that I thought about when I was younger...was just that.  A fairytale.  What God has given me is LIFE.  Life is messy.  My plan was the easy road.  God's plan is to strengthen my roots deep in faith.  To trim off my branches so that I may grow straight.  For me to show God's love to others ~ especially when it's undeserved.   To share my faith even when criticized.  God's plan is not the easy road.  There are moments when my prayers are but sounds from my heart and tears from my eyes.  But with Him, I can make it.

Luke's New Beginning

About 3-4 years old

Almost 13.  Looks same but bigger. Isn't it amazing?

Tonight was Luke's baptism. He wanted to get baptized on his birthday. He told me that it would be a new beginning...a new birth. Yes, seriously, my almost 13 year old was telling me this. Isn't that awesome? :) Unfortunately, Luke's birthday falls on a Tuesday this year. So, he picked to have it on his Dad and Uncle's birthday. I'm know that God has a special plan for Luke. There have been many struggles through the past 13 years. He has so much that could hold him back. So many things that are considered weak in this world. Learning disabilities. Autism. Asthma. Heart Murmur. Feet problems. So many doctors and therapists. So much that Luke has to deal with everyday just to function. But, everyday through my own circumstances, I find this to be true:

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults,
 hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am
 weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:10

I know that if it is true for me...than it is true for my son. Through Luke's weakness, God's love and grace is abundant. Through Luke, God can shine through.  Luke is one the most loving children I know. It totally annoys his brother how much Luke loves him and is not afraid to show it.(even in public! LOL) Luke loves to wear shirts professing his faith. It's not cool in middle school apparently. Some of the kids pick on him. Some of them tell them Jesus isn't real. But, you know what ~ Luke still likes to wear them.

I don't know what God's plans are for Luke. I know there are no mistakes. Luke is made for a special purpose in this world. I pray that Luke will always look to God for the answers.  And that God will always be a big part of Luke's life.   I am just lucky to be a part of His plan for Luke's life. I am a blessed and thankful Mommy.

Real Relationships

"Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?" Psalms 94:16

This verse in Psalms is speaking of our friendship with God. "The Lord is my help," it goes on to say. But, if we are to be like Christ ~ than this verse applies to us as well. We are to be there. We are to stand up when others back down. One of the greatest blessings that God gives us is friendship. Real friendship.

One of the stories that comes to my mind about friendship is about Job. This poor guy had everything taken away in one swoop. A messenger came and told him the sheep and servants have been burned. Another messenger came to say the camels and more servants have been slaughtered. Then, at the same time, another messenger told him that a house fell on his children and they have died. In a mere minutes, Job's life has been completely changed. Oh yes, then his skin is filled with boils. His wife gives up on him. Then, his three friends show up. They cried. They sat for seven days and didn't say a word. (They had to be men. Women would have been a cryin' and a talkin'!) Then, unfortunately, they opened their mouths. To say what? They wondered what Job did for God to do this to him.

Is that the type of friend that we are? The sermon tonight talked about where Daniel's friends were.  (Yes, I was listening Jason! lol)  Daniel gets thrown in a lion's den.  A large boulder is rolled in front. Yet, no one that we know of speaks up. No one tries to move the rock. No one steps up to defend Daniel. (or God for that matter!) What about when Peter denies Jesus? (Mark 14:66-77) Peter is one of Jesus closest friends but when times got hard, it is like "Jesus who?" 

Real friendship is rare. It's hard. It is so much easier today to just read a post on Facebook and continue on with life. It doesn't effect us.  It doesn't take any effort.  But, easy is not what we are sent here to do. Relationships...that is what's important. Relationships with God. Relationships with each other. Real ones.  Reaching out. Taking the time. We have to know what is going on in each other's lives if we are going to help.  Saying 'hello' everyday at work.  Or 'nice to see you' every Sunday.  That's not a real relationship.  (it's a start, yes) Let's use God as our model for friendship, not the world.  Let's start making time for real relationships in our life.

Month of Service: February

Today we did our February month of service through Faith In Action. We went into Fayetteville, to a lady's home that is in her 70's. She has diabetes and well as some other issues. She loses her balance easily and cannot get down on the floor or high up to clean. So, another family, the Anderson's, joined mine today and went to help. (Thank you! Thank you!) Some of us worked outside raking up gumballs from her tree that she trips over. I worked inside and cleaned out her kitchen cabinets with a few helpers. She was very appreciative to the work that we did. We were only there until close to noon but in those short hours, we helped her living conditions.

I couldn't help feeling disappointed today though. I was hoping to get a couple families to help us out today because we didn't know what we were getting into. After all, we've been talking about service in church for sometime now. So, I sent the e-mail asking for help a couple weeks ago. Then again, last week. In my heart, I really felt that I'd get too much help and have to tell some that I'll call them next time. Sadly though, most (not all) didn't even bother to reply.

My husband pointed out that they are not on the same journey as I am. They may not feel as committed to service as I do. They haven't made the commitment to God, our family, and publicly to everyone here about making it a year of service. Yes...yes... I know all that. But...well, right now...I'm just a bit disappointed. I know, I need to work on that. I know that is not what God wants me to get out of this experience, but that is just me being honest.

What will March bring? I'm not really sure yet. Still looking around for what we can do...where we can go. The kids are enjoying it. They look forward to the next adventure. I believe it teaches them so much being hands on and getting involved. They realize first hand how others live. It also is teaches them that they can make a difference. God is leading this, so I know that we are in good hands!

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
Albert Einstein

Candle of JOY

"...for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” ~ Nehemiah 8:10

So much of our time is spent waiting. Waiting in line. Waiting until Friday. Waiting in traffic. Waiting until your married. Waiting until your kids are bigger. Waiting for something... We need to remember one thing.

"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalm 118:24

Today. We are not talking about yesterday and the mistakes we made. Nor are we talking about tomorrow (because God will take care of that too.) Today...right now is a gift from God. What are you going to do with it? Those people in your life right now, God has put there for a reason. Yes, even the odd ones at Wal-Mart.

There are moments everyday that I let go by. Moments were I'm spaced out thinking about...yeah, you guessed it.... ME. What I want to do. Where I want to go. What I am in the mood to do. Here I am thinking about me and I miss those people walking around me. Those opportunities that God gave me to reach out to others with a smile or kind word.

Or even more guilty of me ~ I miss those moments of joy with my children. There's homework, dirty clothes, dirty dishes, messy house ~ so many distractions...so many things that have to get done... or what?? That joy of seeing your children run to you with open arms kinda' goes away when they get older. ;D Yeah, those hugs I get from my oldest son are rare anymore. (I still get a kiss goodnight!) I need to make more time with them for fun. For JOY, not just to help with dishes.

With joy comes strength. Think about it. Those moments that you seize which filled you with joy...those moments that you didn't just let pass by...those moments when joy is in your soul. They are filled with strength. You feel confident. That comes from God.

It is the other moments when your annoyed because traffic is backed up...the moments when the check-out line is too long...when you are just waiting to put the kids in bed for a moment of peace...It is then, when your body and soul are weary. When you are tired and don't care. Those are moments Satan is there making you weak.

We all have some of both days. After all, we are not in paradise yet. I just pray that in those moments of weakness, when you want to be left alone, that some one will come and bring joy to you in some small way. It is amazing how much light one candle can bring. How much joy a simple act can give. Lord, let me be that candle in some one's life.

P.S. This weekend we are doing our February service act. We are helping Faith In Action. We even have another family going to be helping us. Can't wait!

Month of Service: January

Today we went to LifeSource International in Fayetteville to volunteer. They help families of all ages. They have a summer camp in the summer for the kids. They have a food pantry for those in need. The first and third of every month, it is Senior Saturday. They had a young adult class from Trinity Church volunteering to cook in the kitchen today. So, they put us to work creating USDA bags for seniors.

We made a line and got to work! We filled two carts full of bags that LifeSource could hand out. We filled two containers full of bags. Once we used all of the bags they could find, lunch was ready to be served. After a blessing over the food, we served food to the seniors that came out for lunch. So many of them come there week after week. (I also learned never to ask a senior how they are doing unless your prepared to hear about gout and the heart attack that might happen!! LOL)

It was a good day. We ended today with a birthday party celebrating my niece, Abby. It seems unreal that she is already 7! :( We are looking forward to our February month of service. It will be with Faith In Action. I'll keep you posted!

"Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD
your God that he has given you." ~ Deuteronomy 16:17