The Here and The Now

I was reading the Bible and this passage was brought to my attention. It's one that I've read before. It's one that I've heard before in preaching. But ~ today, it made me go back to re-read and even to go back later. Luke 17:20-21 (NLT):

One day the Pharisees said to Jesus, " When will the Kingdom of God come?"

Jesus replied, "The Kingdom of God can't be detected by visible signs. You

won't be able to say, "Here it is!" or "It's over there!" For the Kingdom

of God is already among you.

The Kingdom of God here? Among the pain and suffering? Among the jobless? Among the hungry? I have to say YES! The Kingdom of God is here among us. It lives in the hearts of His people. Wherever I go, He is there. But am I acting this way? Am I acting as Jesus would? Romans 12:10 (NLT)

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

I fall short of this so much. I do put others above myself alot. But, those others are my family. God looks at all of us as family. We are brothers and sisters in Christ. Yet, it is hard to look outside my family or outside my church and think of them as family. It is so much easier to look and to judge. And seriously, this time of year does bring out some examples of how crazy people can be. (Black Friday ring any bells? LOL) But, even though I may fall short, I must at least try to live by Jesus' example. Only then, will my children do the same.

Thankfulness

Cara & Phillip Rolf

Luke, Summer Rolf, & Joey

Abby & Faith Snow

Joey, Faith, and Luke Snow

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It helps that it's in my favorite season. I just love the smell of fall (between the sneezing!) and the beauty of the season. The green trees turn beautiful shades of red, yellow, and orange. Thanksgiving is just a day to stop...and be thankful. To look around at all that God has blessed you with and be thankful. Christmas there is such a rush. There's the lights. The shiny decorations. The gift giving. (and buying) Busy, busy, busy... And yes, I do enjoy the things of the Christmas season. But, sometimes the reason for Christmas is lost. (but that's another blog..lol ) But with Thanksgiving it's about family. Friends. Good food. So, this week as I prepare homemade bread, cheesecake, dressing, and the other wonderful things for my family ~ I am just thankful that I have family to prepare it for. Not just my three wonderful kids. But, I am blessed with three nieces and and a nephew. A beautiful grandmother. A brother and a sister that I didn't have before marriage. I am thankful that God has been there for me each step of the journey I am on and given me this extended family I never had. I am blessed. And, I am thankful.

Missing You

The doctors' gave him 6 months.

But God gave him two years.

It is Vetern's Day once again. This day last year, I sat with my Dad in a hospital room. That morning, I went through the denial stage very quickly. There wasn't any room for denial. Everyone knew that this was it. My mom sat on one side of the bed holding one hand. I sat on the other side of the bed holding the other hand. My husband in the chair beside me. The only sound was our tears and his breathing. Each labored breath.

I remember telling him over and over how much we loved him and that it's okay to let go. He made it through the night with my mom and I beside him. Kent left to be with the kids. The next morning, Kent came back and we sat waiting once again. Then, at 11:30 a.m., we knew this was it. It's so odd that we knew. The room just felt different. We all stood up around the bed holding his hands. I kept repeating, "I love you." And, at 11:33 my Dad took his last breath.

God blessed us with two years. Two years that had it's share of pain, physical and mental. But, they were also filled with joy. Trick or treating with the kids. Birthday parties. Cookouts. Christmas. Just having lunch together. Or him taking the kids to Dairy Queen. In those two years, each time we left, he gave us a hug, a kiss, and told each of us that he loved us. That is a true blessing. We never did that before. It was a 'see ya'. But, when cancer comes around and you don't know if there will be a next time ~ 'see ya' turns into a 'love you'.

The Pedestal

Growing up, I put my parents on a pedestal. I was their little girl. They were supposed to protect me. Guide me. Be all knowing. Always make the right decisions. Then, as I got older, things changed. I was 18 or 19, still trying to figure things out and I became angry. Looking back on my childhood, I saw so many things that went wrong. The emotional abuse. The sexual abuse (not by my parents, but I felt they didn't protect me). Waayy over protectiveness. There was always secrets that couldn't be talked about. (and still can't be) My senior year my parents got divorced. That was the last straw for me. I either had to heal my heart or drive off the bridge. I read lots of books. I found God. He taught me about forgiveness but it was so hard. I was flipping channels and came across Oprah. It was about a mother who really messed up because of things in her childhood. This has stuck with me and this changed me:

I did what I knew until I knew better.

When I knew better, I did better.

I started seeing my parents as people. I took them off the pedestal and got to know them as people. Yes, my childhood could have been better. But, it's my choice as an adult what to do with that hurt and anger. Do I keep chips on my shoulder? Do I hold it against them forever? Or do I learn to let go? I worked through it and with God's help, I forgave them. I got to know my parents. Their faults. Their view. Their hurt. Their disappointments. My parents made mistakes, but I've learned that we all do. Maybe not to the extreme of my childhood, but mistakes none the less. I'm so happy that I worked through this at such a young age, so I could enjoy my parents while they are here. My brother is not so lucky. He missed the opportunity to be there for my Dad. My Dad died a year ago this week. My adult relationship with my parents is so much better than my relationship as the 'baby'. When my parents knew better ~ they did better. I can talk with my mom now. I used to have lunch with my Dad once a week just because. It's as simple and as hard as that. I'm blessed. After all, would I change what happened to me growing up? No. It has made me who I am today. And, I'm lot better person with the large baggage to go through than a small carry on.

What If?

Halloween 2010 with Great Grandma Yarbrough

Halloween 2009 with Papa Robinson

When we were getting out of the van to walk to Grandma Yarbrough's and I grabbed the camera (again! LOL), Kent asked, "Why are you taking it? We won't be there that long." I thought back to last Halloween. Who knew that 12 days after this photo was taken my Dad would be gone? I didn't know this would be the last photo taken of him. If I did, the kids would have been dressed nice and hair combed. Not with green and white hair wearing a robe. But looking at the picture now, I know that it made my Dad happy to see them dressed up. He had a nerd rope for each of them that I helped him pick out the previous week. So, as I took my camera to get another picture of Grandma and the kids, I told Kent, "What if?" What if this is the last time?

What if?

There are no guarantees. Life is fragile. Don't take those moments for granted.