Autism. . .

Autism

Just a word...like many others.... six little letters strung together. Yet, what difference it can make. I kind of bypassed the denial stage. I knew something was wrong between 3-4 years old. Most people thought he was just immature for his age. So, I went searching. Checked out books and books ...and yes, more books. Between 5 & 6 years, his autistic tendencies only happened at home. Teachers wouldn't believe me. Doctor's in Little Rock didn't believe me. Yet, in one of the books, there was a boy with high functioning autism. He could hide it enough from the outside world, that he didn't get diagnosed until he was late teens. It reminded me of Luke. I found out what is was! It also gave me pointers on how to curb the meltdowns. What was "normal" and was wasn't. So many things I've learned through the years. So many adjustments and misconceptions, by family and friends and teachers. (even now) But, honestly, I didn't know anything about special needs before. I had to learn. I didn't think I could ever handle a special needs child. That was for other people who were more patient. More kind. More ....everything. Yet, God must have seen something in me that I didn't see. I'm growing and becoming the person that I am supposed to be. I've learned that sometimes you have to fight. (I am not a fighter, I don't like conflict) But, I am the only person in all of his IEP meetings who knows Luke and knows what he needs and what he doesn't need. I have to stand up for him. He's had some wonderful teachers, but it is my job to represent Luke. I've learned some patience, not as much I'll have at the end of this journey, but more than where I started. I've learned how to truly give it to God, for He knows every tear I cry and every meeting I'm in. I know that I make mistakes because I am learning too. This on the job training has good days and bad. But, I know that I do it with love in my heart. Luke told one time around Mother's Day, "Thank you for fighting for me." I asked him what he meant and he told me that I'm the one that talks to his teachers for him and has "lots of meetings" for him. A mother's love just keeps going ~ through the good days and the bad ones.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

One of the hardest part about Luke's autism is how smart he is on the inside. How much he longs to be "normal". How he knows that he's different. How he wants to understand science and history, if some one could explain it to him instead of making his read a book that he doesn't understand. So many children with special needs are in their own world and they don't understand that they are different. Luke knows. While I am VERY thankful that Luke isn't so severe, it has been a painful process as he grown older and the differences are more clear. He has come out and asked me with tears in his eyes why God made him so different. I told him that God makes everyone different and that He has a plan. I know there is a reason...we are just on this journey together.

I'm reading another book about autism right now. It's called, "Healing our autistic children" by Julie Buckley. It has really opened my eyes. I've read a couple books about the diet of children and how it can impact their autism. They were all very severe children in those books and it seemed to lessen the "fog". It didn't give me any insight or other signs to look for in high functioning children, so I didn't think much more about it. I am learning so much in this book! I will have to share with you once I'm done some of what I'm learning. I ordered my own copy of the book so I could underline and highlight what I need. This is taking us in another direction ...another journey.

Simple Pleasures

Simple Pleasures ~

A few days ago we went to Hickory Creek to swim. It was a first for the kids and I. Kent went there a lot growing up, but to me, a lake meant fishing because of my Dad. To me, that equaled boring, so I never went. Kent is amazed that I missed so many fun experiences and turned out semi-normal. (yeah, I had to put the semi..haha!)

I did miss out on some of the simple things growing up. Halloween candy. Feeding ducks at the park. Swimming at the lake. But looking back, one of the simple things I remember is that my Great Aunt always sent me a card. A card for Easter. A card for my birthday. A card for Christmas. Even Thanksgiving sometimes. A card just for me with my name on it and a stamp. She never did spell my name right, but it didn't matter.

The Simple Pleasures

Those moments that I want my family to remember me for. So, let's pack some sandwiches and head out. For a swim. For a hike. For a picnic. Or stay in and bake some cookies. Or repaint a room. Or play some games. Just to have those moments together. The Simple Pleasures do not have to cost a lot, it is about the thought.....like the card in the mail from my Great Aunt. Or swimming with the kids at the lake. That's the kind of mother I want to be...the kind of Aunt I want to be...the kind of person I want to be. I doubt Aunt Avis knew how special she made me feel. But, she is the reason I bake chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for Phillip and Summer. Or cheesecake for Cara. Or cookies for Abby. I know how it feels to be remembered by an Aunt ~ and I want my family to experience it. The simple pleasure of smelling cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and licking the glaze that goes on top! Yum! Or have family movie night in the living room. Life can be hard at times. It's easy to keep moving on to the next task. Or just get tired and overwhelmed. Sometimes, we just need to be still and look around. See the beauty in the small, simple things. That's one thing I strive for each day. To enjoy life's Simple Pleasures....

Of course ....some days are easier than others!! :)

First Time...

Where I am ...

It seems weird to be writing again. It has always been the easiest way for me to express myself, yet some how ~ it became lost. In high school, I wrote poetry trying to get my point across. Most of it, never read by others. Then, early twenties, it was the journal. Trying to figure out how my life got to that point and what to do with it now. I'd go to Hastings and buy a couple self help books, read, and journal. I figured out how to Forgive. I learned that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself. I also learned to Let Go. That hanging on to the pain is not true forgiveness, but you must let go so the pain and hurt have no control over you any longer. Looking back, I am amazed really that I got it at such a young age. That is when my relationship with God began. I know that God was there.
Guiding me.

Healing me.

Forgiving me.
I am glad that I learned about forgiveness and letting go then, so I no long carry the baggage from my past. My childhood. I can move on to other lesson's this journey has for me. Fast forward several years and here I am. Still a Follower. A mother of three, two boys and a girl. Still on this journey which only God knows where I'll end up (yes, I know that He does) and what lessons are in store.