It has been some hard, emotional couple of weeks. I missed a couple days of work to spend quality time in social security office, going from one place to another, just to get all the paperwork for a nursing home to accept my mom. Who would have thought that I'd have to visit a funeral home last week? I've had many moments of tears and break downs. I've had times where I've done all that I could do and just ask God to do the rest. And, He does.
There was a moment this week, when I was sitting in my mom's boxed up apartment going through a box looking for papers that I couldn't find, and everything hit me. I'm taking away my mom's freedom and I am not only changing her life, but my own as well. The days of my mom just stopping by are no longer. Those days of coming home and finding some small thing she picked up because she knows I like it are over. Today I moved the boxes out of her apartment and locked the door for the last time. That chapter of her life is ending.
A new chapter begins...a chapter no one ever looks forward to. It's hard for her. I've taken away not only her ability to drive, but to be independent. In her mind, she is just fine. She really don't understand why I've done this besides listening to the stupid doctor's advice. It's hard for me. I am the only one making these decisions. I went through every box in her apartment and had do decide if she needs it, if she might need it later, if I could use it, or if I should donate. All within about a week. I am mentally and emotionally tired. However, besides being bored, my mom seems okay. Which, is better than she has been in months.
She was officially diagnosed with Vascular dementia. It's nothing I'd want any parent or child to go through. Vascular dementia is caused by damage to the blood vessels to your brain. So, your brain is deprived of oxygen and small parts of your brain dies. With this kind of dementia, you don't really know what parts of your brain will be affected. Yes, memory is usually affected, but it could even affect your personality. It can cause hallucinations and delusions as it did with my mother. This can caused by a stroke or heart attack, or in my mom's case, diabetes or high blood pressure.
I know that there is an adjustment period for not only her, but me as well. I still have boxes in my garage I need to go through. She has now been in there a week. I am still paying her bills and turning off utilities. I'm sure I've missed something. I'm taking it day by day right now. Isn't that all that we can do? I know that this was best, but it doesn't make it easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment