the valley

Life does not always end up as planned.... well,at least our plan. And, since we cannot see God's plan, we hang on, pray, and trust.  Sounds all nice and pretty, doesn't it?  Something to hang on the wall.  Tie a big ribbon on it.  Something found in a Bible store.  Or a well meaning friend might say.

But, when you are in the middle of life's mess, it's hard.  Sometimes there is no relief in sight.  Sometimes it is months of silent tears.  Prayers with no answers yet.  Day by day, you hang on knowing that God has got you through hard stuff before.  Wondering why your prayers can't be answered now....today.

We all have these valleys.  This life is full of a lot of...well, crap.  Miscarriage.  Infertility. Abuse.   Death.  Job Loss.  Divorce.  Plus, so much more.  This world that we live in is not easy.  Hopefully there are many years in between the valleys.  And lots of wonderful memories with family and friends.  Laughter... laughing so hard you cry.  And moments of true rest and happiness.  But, at some point, we will be in the depth of the valley once again. 

Hopefully, when that day comes, a friend will show up to be God's arms.  To help shoulder the burden your going through.  To listen and to love you through the valley, step by step.  We all need that friend in those moments.  So, look around at the circle around you.  What struggles are they going through?  How are they really doing? 

Take the time to check on them.  Take the time to see how they are really doing.  Don't accept the generic, "fine, how are you?"  Be the friend that goes deeper.  Be God's shoulder and arms to some one struggling in your life.  Because you never know, when your path will take you into a valley.

Life's mess

It has been a long seven months since I've wrote.

Here it is almost one in the morning and my heart feels heavy...or is it an empty feeling.  I'm not sure.

I have been here before.  The bottom pit looking up.  Crying.  Yelling.  Telling God that I am not strong enough.  I am done.  I can't do it anymore.

Please don't think I'm suicidal.  I'm ready for God to meet me here.  Not for me to meet God there.  Big difference!! ;)

I am tired.  Emotionally tired and drained.  Life keeps stacking things up right now....between an unemployed husband who's health is rapidly declining, to my crazy mother, and my wonderful father-in-law who isn't eating and shrinking in front of our eyes.  I am trying to hold it all together because that's what Mom's do.

But, it's slipping a little. Kids will joke with me and I get my feelings hurt.  Not a good time to read "Me before you," but yeah, I finally did.  Ugly tears were shed. (Another one where the book is so much better than the movie.)  My nerves, my heart are just more out in the open and exposed right now. But, I know even this time can be used for good.

I know God hears my cries.  I know He has seen my tears.  I know that He has heard my heart even when I couldn't say any words out loud.  I know this because you don't reach 40 without being here before.  And God is true and He has led me through troubled waters before.

I just ask Lord, be my strength because I need You.  Guide my footsteps in the days ahead.  Fill my heart with peace as only You can.  Use me to show others Your love.

Because I know, God meets us right where we are at.  In the bottom of the pit.  In our confusion trying to make a decision.  In middle of the night with screaming baby.  When friends may leave us.  When health may fail us.  What ever mess you find yourself, God will meet us right there.  I hold tight to that promise tonight and tomorrow and the next day.

My favorite verse is a good reminder:

"those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint."    Isaiah 40:31