More Tests

 Today has been one month since my kidney cancer surgery.  I'm doing pretty good.  My energy is still not there and if I do too much my cut muscle will hurt.  My 12 staples going across my side has come out.  Last Thursday was the first time I sneezed in a month.  I thought that was so weird.  But with the muscle getting cut and then being sewn together -- my diaphragm would not expand enough to let me sneeze.  I would would start to sneeze, but when I tried to get the big breath, my sneeze stopped.  Our bodies are weird aren't then?  

Monday I start back to work.  I'm doing half days this first week back to see how it goes.  Doctor recommended 6-8 weeks off, but I'm trying to go back part time after 4 weeks.  Since I get tired, I am sure that I'll be coming home and taking a nap with my ice pack when I get home.  However, I am looking forward to seeing the kids and adults again.  I get my daily amount of hugs from the kids at school because my boys at home are not huggers. 😂  

While I was off, I went ahead and got my mammogram done.  It has been 9 years since my last one.  My mom's mother had breast cancer so it is in the family unfortunately.  So, yes it was past due.  I was of course was hoping for a thanks for getting it done - see you in another couple years.  However, my medical stuff has not been that easy lately.  And neither were these results.  I have two spots - one in each breast.  One is a 10mm and the other spot is 25mm mass.  I have to go back in a couple weeks for ultrasound.  I know a lot of people have to go back for more testing after a mammogram so I'm hoping those spots are nothing.  But, two surgeries in 3 months now, I can't help but worry.  

I go back the first of June for another pelvic ultrasound to look at my spots on my ovaries.  In my mind, I am just planning on surgery so I moved my appointment from the end of June to the beginning of June so I'd have as much time to heal before school starts back up again.  Of course, I have no idea what will happen but I might as well plan for surgery just incase.  

I don't understand why I am going through so many different things with my health right now.  It's definitely been a wake up call to take better care of myself.  Monday I had a birthday and turned 49.  After the past few months -- I am okay with turning 49.  My diagnosis could have been a lot worse and I might not have made it.  I am thankful for where I am.  I am still not out of the valley yet.  There are still some unknowns in the near future.  But, I do know that God has brought me this far.  He will be with me with the next test results as well.  

We are what we eat

A recent study that looks at cancer rates in the United States.  The study concluded that the cancer incidence rates of Gen X (born between 1965 - 1980) and Millennials (born 1981-1996) were 2 to 3 times higher than baby boomers (born 1946-1964).    Not only are they more likely to get cancer, but they are more likely to develop 17 types of cancer.  Okay -- that's crazy!! The researcher's said major contributing factors included environmental toxins, diet, and obesity. 

But what has changed from 1955 to the 1980's? And even more so today?  Our diet.  Things were made from scratch.  Real ingredients.  Then, we had 2 income families, so frozen dinners took off.  Convivence food became a big part of our grocery stores.  Now, fast food is a part of our culture.  I work at a school. Those kids will eat pizza and chicken nuggets daily without thinking twice.  Our diets have changed so much and it allows toxins into our bodies daily.  Which will sooner or later will effect you.  There is SO many fake foods out there.  So many foods with cancer causing agents.  

A friend of mine told me about an app called Yuka.  It's a free app and you scan barcodes on items and it will list the good, bad, and ugly about the item.  I will tell you that there were several things that I was eating regularly that had cancer causing ingredients.  "Good for you" items.  High fiber, low carb. All those key words. Ya'll -- its not real food. It's engineered stuff that your body doesn't know what to do with.  There are some things that will come up "bad" or "poor" on the app.  That's when you can click on the ingredients and make that decision for yourself.  Sometimes it is just because the sodium is too high. But at least you have the power to look and make an educated decision. 

Food has the power to heal.  It also has the power to destroy your health.  The average American diet eats 60% of their calories from processed foods.  In the United States there are over 10,000 substances have found their way into our processed food.  Either from the food itself or the packaging it comes in.  Most of the chemical substances fall in the 2,500-3,000 range that are intentionally added to processed foods for color, shelf life, texture, and cost. 

We will never be able to live a toxic free life here on Earth.  We can only do our best.  Lower some of our risks.  Choose YOU!  Your health is worth the effort.  You are worth it!  Taking prescription medications mess with your whole system.  My husband was on over 10 medications several times a day just to live.  He felt terrible all of the time.  I'm not anti-prescriptions.  Sometimes we have to have them.  But, health starts with the foods that we eat.  Just take a look at what you eat regularly.  What choices can you need to change?

Healing After Surgery

Wednesday was a week today since I left the hospital.  Friday it will be two weeks since my surgery.  I'm home and trying to get my strength back up.  The doctor was not kidding when he said that it is a very painful surgery.  But, I'm finally down to one pain pill a day.  The one pill is usually in the evenings.  It's one thing to have some pain or be uncomfortable during the day, but trying to sleep when your hurting is difficult.  I still get tired easily.  Yesterday I decided to make cookie dough and freeze it for Easter.  Between the breaks that I had to take, the two hour task ended up most of the day.  So, I can see why the doctors have told me not to rush back to work.  My body is still healing and it's a slow process.

I had my PCP appointment yesterday.  What really surprised me was the many questions the nurse asked me about my mental state.  I love how they are looking at the whole body, not just the physical.  So I was curious and looked it up.  Most studies show about 1 in 3 people diagnosed with cancer experience anxiety, depression, or other emotional distress.  I get that.  Watching my dad die of colon cancer is still in the back of my mind when I get tested for something. I will probably always have that anxiety that comes with cancer.  Now that my body has had one cancer tumor, it has become even more real to me.  That's why I'm digging into more books and research articles to help prevent having cancer again.

However,  this point, I am grateful.  My PCP told me that I've had a rough 6 months.  And, I have.  From a gallbladder that was twisted and could have exploded and killed me.  To a cancer tumor that we caught before it spread.  My physical body has had a lot of people digging in there in a short amount of time.  It may not be over yet either.  I still have cyst on one of my ovaries.  I have another ultrasound and gynecologist appointment the first of June to see if it's grown or changed any.  I believe that is the last big thing that was on my list that was handed to me in October after my CT scan. 

Yet, through everything I thank God.  Not everyone's prognosis is as good as mine.  That CT scan has saved my life.  My gallbladder, kidney, or ovary did not show any issues in any bloodwork.  There were no flags.  No high or low numbers to be concerned about.  They were not causing me pain.  There is no reason to look at those organs.  I think that kind of amplifies my anxiety a little bit!  Because according to my bloodwork --- I was fine.  So, for me, I'm going keep putting that anxiety at the feet of Jesus.  Even if I pick it up again to worry and stress.  I know if I keep handing it over to Jesus, the anxiety will get less and less.  I'm going to keep reading and educating myself.  Keep doing what I can do be here a little longer with my family. 

Figuring Out Why

 So many times we just take what doctors tell us without questioning.  Or, when we do question, we just accept their answer as gold.  While, I really don't believe that doctors would intentionally lead us astray.  However, I am the best advocate for my kids and myself.  I've always just had to read books, articles, find doctors, and push, push, push for my kids and my husband.  This time - it's all about me.  

I am just trying to figure out how some one in the mid-forties gets a cancer that doesn't usually hit some one until their sixties or seventies.   I don't fit any of the kidney cancer criteria.  Is there any connection to my other diagnosis?  What the heck is going on in my gut area??  

I know that I can't fully prevent cancer.  One mutated cell going crazy and multiplying is all that it takes.  There have been plenty of health nuts that have gotten cancer.  Marathon runners. Professional athletes. Vegans.  Keto. You can just go through the categories and cancer has touched everyone.  (thankful - because a marathon runner I will never be!!)  But there has to be something that I can do to heal what ever is going on inside me.  That is where my digging began.  I'm just going to explain the top layer of all of the science.  Honestly I start reading some of the medical studies and it goes over my head pretty quickly.  So I will stick to the basics!  :) 

The word that just kept popping up book after book was inflammation.  Acute Inflammation by itself is a good thing.  It is a natural defense in the body.  It helps to heal and repair damaged tissue.  It helps to fight infections. It kills germs. However, as amazing as the human body is -- Chronic Inflammation is when your body keeps sending those cells even when there is no danger.  Those cells end up damaging your body instead of healing.  Chronic inflammation can damage DNA and affect cell growth which can lead to tumors.  

But it isn't just connected to cancer.  Chronic Inflammation can cause plaque buildup which leads to heart disease.  It also damages arteries that supply blood to the heart. The American Heart Association acknowledges how inflammation can play a part in heart disease.  Rheumatoid Arthritis is caused by inflammation.  It's not the wear and tear of a joint.  I was diagnosed with arthritis in my hands when I was 28.  Recently my CT scan showed arthritis throughout my body. This isn't wear and tear.  It's inflammation.  I wish my doctor would have talked to me about it when I was 28, so I could try to heal my body the past 20 years.  Chronic Inflammation is also connected to Type 2 Diabetes, which I have.  It can disrupt insult signaling pathways which effect glucose metabolism.  It can also lead to weight gain which is connected to Type 2 Diabetes.  Brain inflammation is a large factor in Alzheimer's Disease.  It is connected to beta plaque production which is a characteristic of Alzheimer's Disease.  Having a mother with dementia this makes this more real. I am not wanting my final years to be in the fog of dementia.

If Inflammation is connected to so diseases -- why don't the doctors talk about it?  They cannot without a doubt confirm that inflammation is causing your disease.  Research can connect it to all of those diseases and many others.  But as for your specific disease - There is not a way a doctor can say that inflammation caused it.  I do wish I would have know when I was 28 that inflammation could contribute to it.   So for me, I am going to look into an anti-inflammatory diet to try and heal some of the damage that has happened through the years.  It definitely cannot hurt. I changed my diet last year after my diabetic diagnosis.  Let's see what else I can heal from the inside. 

Food for Thought

 Back in March, when I first went to the doctor, my goal was just to start taking care of me.  I went and got bloodwork.  Found out that I was diabetic and went to the dietitian appointment that happens when your diagnosed.  Protein, protein, protein is of course what is pushed.  I did it and just felt terrible.  I stayed the course for a while thinking my body would adjust. Then, like I always do when I want to figure out something -  I went to the library and checked out several books on diabetes.  I found only two books that went a different direction.  They suggested that a plant based diet regulates blood sugar better.  That your body can digest it so much easier that you don't get the spikes in sugar levels.  

Now, don't get me wrong -- vegan I will never be.  But incorporating a few more vegetarian type meals, that I can do.  So I decided that for breakfast and lunch - it would be less meat.  Which meant that I had to intentionally meal prep.  No more just packing left overs up for lunch the next day. Greek Yogurt, homemade marinara pasta (Brami Protein Pasta) with a side salad, eggs and roasted potatoes for lunch, vegetable fried rice.  My favorite is a small loaded baked potato with a side salad.  Fresh fruit throughout the day.  Intentionally taking care of myself with real food one baby step at a time. Then, my dinner was kids meal size of what ever I'm cooking for everyone. But guess what -- it worked!  In less than a year, my A1C dropped from a 9.5 to a 6.2!  That's in the pre-diabetic range.  I got to lower my medication!

Another thing I did last year as I was changing my diet.  I said to good bye to my sweet tea.  Of course with a 9.5 AIC, I really had to!  😄 I started drinking green tea.  Okay - I agree...the flavor of green tea really has a lot to be desired when your coming from a McAlister's sweet tea.  However, I did like the bottled Lipton Citrus Green Tea.  So I went to Amazon and looked up Green Tea and there were so many flavors.  I weeded out the artificially flavored green teas.  I ended up ordering some citrus, strawberry, and blueberry green teas which I rotate throughout the week.  (Harney & Son's Blueberry Green Tea is my favorite!)  Why switch from black tea to green tea?  The health benefits!  Green tea has antioxidants that reduces blood pressure, cholesterol, and inflammation.  A 2020 study also suggested that green tea is linked with lower chance of cognitive impairment in middle-aged and older adults like Alzheimer's disease. Green tea has also been linked to lower risk of ovarian and lung cancer.  So each day before work, I fill up my 40 oz Stanley filled with ice water and my 30 oz BruMate filled with iced green tea. 

The other big change that I did last year was going through my cookware.  It was hard.  My favorite pan was a large deep chicken fryer that I got at Sam's. There was nothing wrong with it.  Except that it was non-stick.  I only had 2 pans that were stainless steel.  The rest of my cookware had a non-stick coating.

Of course I started looking at new sets, pricing and quality.  I could not afford the new set that I liked.  However, my sons and I like to go to flea markets.  So within a few months, I had nice cookware without a spending a fortune.  There are times that I miss my handy-dandy Sam's fryer.  But studies like the one mentioned in the photo make it a little easier to let it go.  

We all have to make decisions on what is best for you.  All of our situations are different.  Just take care of yourself.  No one is going to do it for you.  Your health is important.  Food is medicine.  The vitamins and minerals in food can start to heal the damage you've already done.  You just have to start.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Thinking about what's coming ahead does tend to make me nervous.  The unknowns.  The what ifs.  All of the pieces that have to come together.  Insurance...time off...recovery time...It really was SO much easier when I was on the other side of the hospital bed.  I have always been the one on in the waiting chair beside the bed. It was always my job to worry about all of that and figure out how to pay the bills.  Now, I have to worry about that AND be in the hospital bed.  I keep praying for God to work out all of the details.  For His hands to be in everything -- All of the details.   I can then let it go...for a while.  But the worry comes creeping back in.

The mind keeps going down every rabbit hole.  I have an EKG and heart scans coming up before surgery.  What if they find something?  The first CT scan I went in for was supposed to confirm a hernia.  Instead she called me and told me I needed to come in that day.  She then literally handed me a post-it note full of things to talk about because she didn't want to miss anything.  I don't know if I could do another post-it note full of bad news.  Honestly, it wouldn't even have to be a list on a post-it. 

 Health things are just stressful and can be scary.  We all know that.  And I have definitely taken my health for granted.  Don't get me wrong -- after being married to Kent with all of his health issues -- my health and my kids' health is something that I thank God for every single night.  And the Lord knows that it's not just something that I'm saying.  I mean it with every fiber of me.  I know that things could be so much worse.  I have watched my husband take medication after medication. Doctor appointment after doctor appointment.  After seeing my husband's health get worse and change the person he was, our health is on my top things I thankful for.  

Yet here I am.  Thanking God every night for the past 10 years or so does not change the place I am in right now. I am still the person that got a list of things wrongs with her in October.  I am still the person that was told she has cancer right before Thanksgiving.  And to be honest -- it has not changed me thanking God for our health every night either.  I am so thankful that God let the doctors find it while it's small and has not spread.  Praise God!

 But here I am  --  I am nervous for all of the details to work out. Bills, insurance, and so many days off. So much is out of my hands.  And the things I do have control over - I'm scared I messed them up.  When my mind goes down that rabbit hole, my stomach ends up in knots.  So I pray.  What else can I do?  I stress and I worry.  At times I can make myself sick.  I know those moments didn't accomplish anything.  But the mind still goes there.  So I pray.  He has brought me this far.  I wish I could just leave it at His feet and not go back there again.  But my mind will come back to those thoughts and worries.  Though the good stuff, bad stuff, and all the in-betweens - I pray. 

Going Through the What If's

 I got asked about those other moments.  The ones you have to process through when the word Cancer gets connected to you.  My friend wanted to make sure that I'm processing everything and don't burst later.  I assured them that I am not ignoring those times.  Those hard moments are still there.  It's nothing I can choose to put it off to the side.  The "Why Me?" question pops sometimes up when I'm thinking too hard about it.  I think of everything that's happened in my life and I wonder why?  But I can answer that question pretty easily.  Why not me?  There have been far greater people who has gone through worse. Not to minimalize what I've gone through --  from childhood abuse to holding everything together for many years as my husband got worse and passed.  There is a lot of crap in my forty something years. But I am not any better than the next person, so why not me?

But the "what if" question -- now that gets to me.  I want to see my kids happily married.  Successful in what they choose. A few grandkids would be great as well.  I want to be there for those moments.  I want to be there for the that phone call when they still need Mom's advise.  I want to be there for all those moments in between. But, what if  -- those are just My wants?  Not God's plans?  What if God's idea of healing me isn't the same as mine?

As I was putting away the Christmas tree, I wondered if I would be able to do it again next Christmas.  What if I'm not there to yell at Briggs from the sidelines of his first soccer game?  What if I never get to take another vacation with all three of my kids again?  What if the cancer comes back?  Or what if when they take out the cancer - one of those cells land on another organ?  One that cannot be taken out?  Those "what if's" tend to multiply.  The "what if's" just sink my heart.  Make me lose hope. All of the "what if's" reach deep in my heart and squeeze the tears. Leaving me drained and scared.

  

That's when I just a deep breath and cry to God to just calm my heart and my mind.  Lord I just ask for your peace.  A peace that doesn't make sense with everything going around me.  God is Hope and Peace and Love.  All those thoughts that can bring me to my knees -- that is chaos and it does not come from Him.  

Even if -- that's what I'm hanging on to.  It comes from Daniel 3, three guys named Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were being held captive.  The king that held them wanted the 3 of them to bow down and worship the king's god.  The king threatened their lives if they didn't listen.  The three told the King that God could save them but EVEN IF,  He didn't -- they still would not bow down.  Even if they had to die that day  -- they would rather go through it with God.  That's where I'm at once again.   I don't know God's plan is for my life.  I don't know why I am at this point.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I just know that I would not make it without Him. I know that Even if I have go down this path I do not want, I would rather go through it with God.  And those three guys in Daniel -- when you looked in the furnace they were thrown in -- there where 4 walking around unharmed.  Because God does not leave His children during the hard stuff.  He is there with us…. Even If.